JOURNAL — TAPE #66, SIDE #1
Q: Mark Russell Bell
Q: When I hear about the old biblical miracles and (comparing them to) my own life, sometimes I feel like — it’s so different. I mean I’m glad a big fish hasn’t swallowed me up but like today after I taped the last tape I know that there were a few things that I said God or Mighael didn’t like but I just had to be honest and say them because that was my reality at the time. Of course, now I don’t feel that way. Now I feel totally loving. But (or “BUT”) I don’t have any big miracles — well the burning bushes, the UFO — oh never mind. This is ridiculous. But (or “BUT”) He didn’t speak to me except on the cassettes and then He takes many different voices. And the miracles — (“I”) I don’t have big, flashy, showy extravaganza miracles. I have very subtle miracles. (“LIKE”) Today at the bookstore I saw— what? My voice sounded weird for a moment. I saw a book Mysteries of the Holy Grail that I hadn’t noticed the last time I was there looking for a book on holy grails. And inside it was a letter from Ivan Misic and Muhamed Sacirbey from the Republic of Bosnia and Herzegovina. It was dated July 24, 1995 and it says:
On behalf of the people of Bosnia and Herzegovina, we formally request your participation in activating collective spiritual power in response to the forces of destruction now plaguing our nation.
The people of Bosnia and Herzegovina are a multi-cultural and multi-religious community. We ask for spiritual support from not one religion but all religions, not one spiritual path but all spiritual paths, in calling on the power of the divine to shield and protect our nation.
There will be an interfaith prayer vigil held on our behalf from August 11 through September 11, inaugurated by interfaith prayer services on August 11 throughout the world. A fact sheet of the event is included with this letter. We do not ask you or your congregations to take any political position whatsoever, but merely to join with people of the faith throughout the world in the creation of powerful band of prayer.
Our prayer is that God’s will be done; we trust He wills our people be saved. May peace be restored to all the world.
Please help us.
Sincerely,
Q: It didn’t work, I guess. Well it didn’t happen, did it? In fact, I remember hearing vaguely something about this but I couldn’t be bothered at the time. I was much too busy doing my publicity work and getting ready for my trip to Oklahoma (than) to worry about praying for those people all the way on the other half of the world who are in a hopeless condition anyway. Now I know how important prayer is and, boy, would I be glad to pray on their behalf. In fact, I do pray on their behalf. In fact, I’ve already promised any money raised from the Declaration of Independence to go to the people of Bosnia. And they receive it (letter and slides) on Monday and today’s Sunday. (“N”) It has the phone number I can even call at the UN to contact them should I need to so it’s like maybe something good might happen for a change after all. I also picked up two little like very, very traditional pamphlets. One called From Glory to Glory! and the other one In the Twinkling of an Eye! I remember buying it I thought, (“WELL”) “I’ll buy them. They’re only a nickel each. (“WHA”) It can’t hurt, right? I’m sure it’s got something interesting in it. Even though the name of the woman on the one (cover) — there is no author (on the cover of) From Glory to Glory! (“BUT ON”) In the Twinkling of an Eye! I thought, “Oh well her name doesn’t have ‘son’ in it or doesn’t have ‘bel’ in it. But then when I got home I realized that the same woman had written both tracts and her name is Sikking so she has ‘king’ in her name. I didn’t even realize — so busy looking for ‘son’ and ‘bel’ that I forgot about ‘king’ so — people might not think that this is like the biblical miracles of old but in terms of connectedness it does make a difference that I worked on the press kit for “Pontiac Moon” starring Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen who are now married I think. And it might not make a difference that I worked on “Dead Again” starring Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson. But there are many people who are just as good-looking, just as talented, just as sexually attractive as both of these two fine artists; however, they had not been so fortunate and so lucky as Emma and Ted, who really blew it in “Pontiac Moon,” I must say. I mean his performance stunk. I think he’s a great performer. I love all his work. He’s wonderful but in that movie he was demonically possessed, crazed out of his mind and acting like a blithering fool. There. (laughs) And that director has done wonderful movies. I mean right before, the director of “Pontiac Moon” did that film, he had done “Romeo Is Bleeding”—of course, we’re talking about Peter Medak— and “The Krays” and “Let Him Have It.” So for someone to come off those three brilliant films and do this total fiasco — actually it wouldn’t have been so bad if not for Ted Danson acting like, I don’t know, a very affected English old schoolteacher of some sort. It was bizarre. See it (and) you’ll understand what I’m talking about it. (“AND”) Anyway, enough of that. Of course, Emma is always Emma in all of her movies and she’s wonderful but she’s had it so lucky. She’s been so lucky. Will anyone argue the fact?
( . . . )
Q: So get this. After — (“GOT”) this was why I was recording in the first place, I guess — talk about this embarrassing event that was also wonderful. It was also nauseating. It was also happy — had a happy ending. Anyway, so I come downstairs after taping this tape and I know Mighael’s pissed on me a little bit because I didn’t hold anything back. (“NN”) I never do. No? So what if I call Him a lunatic? I mean do you blame me? I mean — I mean He’s much more than that. I mean that’s just one facet of it. (“I”) I’m sure — (“HE”) he gets upset when a bunny rabbit dies. So can you imagine? I mean I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m just saying He’s so very sensitive that (“US”) humans drive him nuts and I definitely consider myself to be one of those doing that. So I come downstairs. There’s a cockroach. (“ON”) Coming out of my sink. I mean the one — I did have a few pieces of lettuce in it from lunch I was just about to put away. Oh my God. I was hysterical. I said — I was very upset. I said, “Listen, I ask nothing of You. You know, I do — I’m working on this book for You morning, noon and night. And this is the thanks I get?” I said, “Mighael, You get that cockroach now.” I want to see it on the sink or else. And, sure enough, the cockroach came out and I killed it. So I said, “Michael, you’ll never know how much love I feel for you right now.” And it’s true. Ever since then, I feel totally loving because He doesn’t speak to me in words but He definitely speaks to me in actions. So He does make Himself and His mood known to me all the time and vice-versa. So I just hope He knows what He’s doing. The Nineveh story. I loved the Nineveh story. (“CON” “ENO” “SIMUL”) Immediate conversion of millions and millions of people to religion. That sounds wonderful.
( . . . )
Q: Oh and I forgot. Also in this book Mysteries of the Holy Grail, there is a business card for an “internationally-known mystic, counselor, teacher and author now in Los Angeles.” It has his telephone number and it says, “Call or write for free information.” And it has his mailing address. And his name is William Alexander Oribello. I’m definitely going to call him. Why not?
( . . . )
Q: (“SO [IT]S”) It’s 11:04 on Sunday night. Mighael, I’m very disillusioned with You — (“I AM”) very bored and distraught about taping or should I say transcribing this tape, which I’m doing out of order (“JUST TO MAKE”) just to make you happy, you pervert. I mean (“IT’S”) — from now on I’m going to take extra precautions not to do interviews when there are other people talking in the room because it’s very hard to tell them apart from the spirit voices so it’s one big fucking mess for one person to do. I mean this isn’t a company here. I don’t have people I can delegate (to). I mean it’s hell. Now I know how Jesus felt like. (“HIS”) God can do anything to help anyone and He doesn’t do a goddamn thing to help anyone. Some kind of weird rule, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t care. I’m just very bored bored bored. All my friends think I’m insane — the ones I still have. And even — (“THE” “THEN”) then I have weird dreams and nightmares about them. Same thing with my family members. It’s like I’ve been sequestered in a little hell of serving other people and I’m supposed to come to some important truths about this. I mean give me a break. I don’t like whining like this but you’d think that I’d have some little encouragement somehow instead of just the proverbial “YOU NUT.” I mean I’m sorry. (“BUT”) I’m not a very — I mean I’m spiritual in loving God and expressing love but it takes — it’s hard to — for one person to take the responsibility of channeling Mighael’s ideas for mankind and giving it a human sensibility to project them on. I mean I’ll be gla(d) — I have no choice (other than) to do it. But — I don’t know why I’m complaining. It’s just — I just don’t see any — I don’t get any encouragement from anywhere. And you and I both know, goddamn it, I could somehow be getting a little bit of encouragement from somewhere in some way. Enough whining. (“I HOPE”) Maybe even I’ll edit this section. Maybe I’ll start editing whole sections out of my fucking book. I mean who really needs it? I thought this was a means to an end. Not an end to a means. Or an end to my sanity. Or an end to the end. I mean people who have read the various bibles and religious books have been fed miracles — wonderful sublime miracles and angels. I have disembodied voice on my fucking tapes. And feathers once in a while in mysterious places. It’s not as poetically interesting as the old biblical sagas. I mean can We rethink this? I know every movie ever made is a miracle. (“BUT”) Most of them are pieces of shit. I mean You really have made a mess of things and it’s like You better start getting some help for me because I’m getting overwhelmed again. And I don’t need any romantic get-togethers in Alhambra with You. (“YOU CAN JUST”) You can just talk for more than one sentence at a time on my tapes. You’re making me very nervous.
( . . . )
Q: Mighael, I’m going to find it very difficult to channel love to You tonight. I’m even going to read Nostradamus while I go to bed early. (“BUT”) Don’t even think about channeling love. I have a headache.
( . . . )
. . . How you gonna ever find your place Running in an artificial pace Are they gonna find us lying face down in the sand So what the hell now, we’ve already been forever damned Anywhere you go I’ll follow you down . . .
Q: Good morning. Well I have to be honest. I didn’t want to channel love last night to Mighael but I don’t have anything else to do in my life so I really wasn’t very — I didn’t really keep to my words. So here I am looking at the newspaper, having cereal, which I started doing in Alhambra and which Martha started doing when she got married too. And I’m looking at the Calendar section. I can’t tell you how many Michaels there are and how many people with the word ‘son’ in it (their names). I’m also noticing a lot of people with the word ‘wood’ in it (their names) around me. For example — and plus there’s an article — a pop music review about The Smashing Pumpkins, which is something I hear all the time on the radio. Michael’s always playing me some of their songs and I’m sure (for) other people too. I’m sure some of them really express what He’s feeling now. (DJ heard on radio in background) Gin Blossoms — (“ON”) “Congratulations I’m Sorry” (song: “Follow You Down”). You know what? That was one of the songs that was on the lost microcassette. I was listening to the radio and the world premiere of that song came on and I said something that made Mighael upset because as I was talking about the song and probably misinterpreting it, there was this huge snap crackle from my microcassette so I’m sure that whole cassette bothered him. I just wasn’t in a good mood. (“N”) That’s another thing I have to be honest about. I keep getting the feeling (“TH[AT]”) we don’t entirely trust one another. And I — (“UH-UH”) because I guess it’s like — it’s hard understanding a human being who has the knowledge of God — (“N”) trying to understand their emotions. So it’s a constant give and take. (“I HAVE”) He wants me to explain myself and think things through so He can understand what I’m feeling and so I’m trying to explain to Him why He misunderstands people like Jonah and people over the years who He thinks are really preoccupied with their self-interest and not other people. But you have to remember He’s demonstrated to me (“THAT”) everyone on Earth has the potential to have eternal happiness. So whatever happens to them in this life is secondary to their salvation. And I kind of feel responsible for helping that along with my book. So, therefore, I’m very preoccupied with my book. So I feel silly talking about all the ‘Michael’s and ‘son’s and people like that who have some kind of connection to me. (“BUT”) Just for example — (“I DON’T”) I’m going to stop doing this. And, by the way, “Black Sheep” was number one at the boxoffice. That shows you how nice Mighael is after the way Paramount’s been treating me He still (“LET”) let them have the number one film for the week. So, anyway, for example, there are some “Counterpunch” articles. One of them is by Ira Zimmerman. There’s a response to one — (“TO”) an article by Judith Michaelson. There is — (“ON THE FF”) on the first page, there’s a picture of Bob Holman, artistic director of New York’s Nuyorican Poets Cafe. (“YOU KNOW”) In reading this Pumpkins article, I note that the drummer is named Jimmy Chamberlin. I keep remembering other Michaels in my life and other people that I’ve met over the years. It’s hard to explain but I think I’m going to stop talking about all these ‘Michael’s and ‘man’s that I see all the time because if I was reading it in a book I wouldn’t think very much of it except that this person needs to be in an institution somewhere. And I had a nightmare about that last night. Where do these nightmares come from? Oh God. I mean it was a real scary nightmare about life in an institution. But it was more like a movie version. (“IT WAS”) You know — ohh. Anyway, I”m just trying to do the best I can.
( . . . )
Q: In “Morning Report,” there’s a producer named Tony Hoffman. A stand-up comic in “Morning Report” is named Wendy Liebman. Of course in the ads there’s Nicole Kidman/”To Die For.” “All she wanted was a little attention.”
( . . . )
Q: By the way, Ira Zimmerman is president of the Cal State Fullerton Center for Children Who Stutter and a board member of the National Stuttering Project. What a commendable job.
( . . . )
Q: In the “Week In Review” section, there’s a picture of Wanda Coleman who had read selections from her book Hand Dance at “Nuyorican Poets Cafe Live” at Veterans Wadsworth Theatre.
( . . . )
Q: Of course, “Bed of Roses” stars Christian Slater and Mary Stuart Masterson.
( . . . )
Q: On the front page, I forgot to mention there’s a picture of Donald Sutherland. You know there’s a connection there.
( . . . )
Q: There are also a lot of ‘Rose’s in my life like — and I note that, like, Howard Rosenberg’s column appears today again.
( . . . )
Q: Also in the “Morning Report” there’s a mention of Golden Mikes which are the awards presented by the Radio and Television News Association of Southern California.
( . . . )
Q: And practically every star in every movie I have done a press kit about them at one point or other in my life. I mean the cast of “The Godfather Part III” alone. For other studios I’ve done press kits for “Love Field,” “Clifford,” “Car 54 Where Are You?” — those were for Orion; for Universal, “Reality Bites”; for Warner Bros., “Who’s That Girl.” But I really didn’t have any control over the final press kits. I just did — turned in a draft and then they worked on them after that. Of course, I think mine were better. Plus, I’ve done various articles over the years and helped positionings and things for other people, including for New Line I helped them with “8 Seconds.” And also for Orion, I did an article on the movie “Article 99.”
( . . . )
Q: On page 10 of today’s Calendar there’s a mention of John Lippman who was “fired from KCBS-TV channel 2 in 1993 after a tabloid reign as news director that incited open rebellion in his newsroom over his tactics and strident management style.” And it says he may be “ba-a-a-ack.” It goes on to talk about him. Apparently, he’s one of three men named finalists for the job after a nationwide search that reportedly drew 130 applicants. This is for running KLCS-TV channel 58, the public TV station operated by the Los Angeles (“DIS”) Unified School District. The other finalists are Tom Mossman, who ran the station from 1979 to 1987 and is now communications director for the Catholic Archdiocese; and Alan Baker, former producer for “A Current Affair,” “Hard Copy,” “Entertainment Tonight” and “Solid Gold.” It goes on to talk some more about Lippman: (“IT”) “He lasted less than a year in a tornadic stint that saw the station’s newscasts dive to their trashiest level ever while regularly using trickery to induce viewers to tune in.” This is in Howard Rosenberg’s column. Well this is sort of a not very nice article for Lippman to wake up to in the morning when he’s being considered for this job. I wonder why it’s here.
( . . . )
Q: In an ad for “The Late Show” with David Letterman, it says: “February scheduled guests” — Bette Midler, Julia Roberts, Kelsey Grammar, Uma Thurman who was in “Jennifer Eight,” Chuck Norris, Tom Arnold, Joan Collins, who had the same financial manager as me for a while, Wynona, Fran Drescher, Teri Hatcher, who was also in a Paramount film that I worked on the press kit for, Neal Diamond, Elle MacPherson, Shania Twain — I wonder if she’s any relation to — oh I’m sure. Even though that was a pseudonym I’m sure something happened somewhere along the line. Don Henley, Tammy Faye Messner, Jackie Chan. Oh boy.
( . . . )
Q: Taking a quick look at what’s on tonight on TV, I see “The Anderson Tapes” with Sean Connery. I see “Perry Mason: The Case of the Glass Coffin.” Oh it’s funny — there’s also, on TNT, two movies with Harvey Korman: “Crash Course” — oh it’s the same one on twice. It also lists Charles Robinson. Well that’s enough. You get the picture.
( . . . )
Q: Oh I just have to add — no, I always check sometimes to see if my batteries (are) working or not and when I back it up a little bit and I can hear Mighael breathing and saying ‘uh-huh,’ it’s like “Why don’t you do anything more than that? You’re right here with me, Lovey.”
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE, OCT. 17, 1999: I NO LONGER AM TRANSCRIBING SUBTLE WORDS SOMETIMES AFFILIATED WITH SPIRIT BREATHING SUCH AS, IN CERTAIN INSTANCES, “UH-HUH” AND “YEAH.”)
Q: Also I note in the sports section — real quick, I just noticed that there’s an article about Blaine Johnson.
( . . . )
Q: Oh my God, in the Metro section there’s an article about Audrey Meadows who passed away apparently and I just remembered Jackie Gleason. “I’ve got a biggg mouth.”
( . . . )
Q: On the same page appears the word “Congressman.” Do you think? No. Yes?
( . . . )
Q: The last section I usually read is the headline section because it’s just so hard and I’m sure a lot of people feel that way.
( . . . )
Q: By the way, I must say there’s an article about Clinton winning over the military. (“N”) You know, he’s not really a bad person. It’s just that — well the budget and the fact that I know Mighael wants someone else to be President next time.
( . . . )
Q: This whole thing about Colin Powell is because one of the things — one of the times my TV set came on there was a picture of Colin Powell and then it went off, which was enough for me. And plus the fact that he doesn’t want to be President.
( . . . )
Q: So now I’m going to begin transcribing again. So Mighael help me to hear clearly. You know how frustrating this can be. And I have total faith in You. I mean You made a dead dog come back to life. (“S[O]”) You can do anything. And I don’t need anything. I mean I think life is just wonderful the way it is. At least, my life. I mean the people who are in need I feel sorry for. But I’m very happy right now. If I get too frustrated with this today, it might be another story. And I might make You upset. But — and tonight hopefully I’ll see Fiona. If you let — (“HER”) her car doesn’t break down again. And we’ll go to the movie. And someday if I become successful I’m going to hire transcribers to work on my tapes for me and I’ll just check them over and I’ll be a lot happier and more loving. I’ll have more time to spend with the One I love. Quality time. Quality channeling time. So remember that. And, by the way, ohh — I guess I’ve really said enough for right now. Why don’t You say something, Mighael, for the rest of this tape? (pause) He probably has nothing to say. I’m probably saying it all for Him. And I’m as confused as hell. I and The Smashing Pumpkins are saying a lot of what’s on Mighael’s mind. And all those other songs, (“AN”) books and poems and plays and everything. They’re all expressing different feelings that Mighael has so He’s very confused.
On behalf of the people of Bosnia and Herzegovina, we formally request your participation in activating collective spiritual power in response to the forces of destruction now plaguing our nation.
The people of Bosnia and Herzegovina are a multi-cultural and multi-religious community. We ask for spiritual support from not one religion but all religions, not one spiritual path but all spiritual paths, in calling on the power of the divine to shield and protect our nation.
There will be an interfaith prayer vigil held on our behalf from August 11 through September 11, inaugurated by interfaith prayer services on August 11 throughout the world. A fact sheet of the event is included with this letter. We do not ask you or your congregations to take any political position whatsoever, but merely to join with people of the faith throughout the world in the creation of powerful band of prayer.
Our prayer is that God’s will be done; we trust He wills our people be saved. May peace be restored to all the world.
Please help us.
Sincerely,
Q: It didn’t work, I guess. Well it didn’t happen, did it? In fact, I remember hearing vaguely something about this but I couldn’t be bothered at the time. I was much too busy doing my publicity work and getting ready for my trip to Oklahoma (than) to worry about praying for those people all the way on the other half of the world who are in a hopeless condition anyway. Now I know how important prayer is and, boy, would I be glad to pray on their behalf. In fact, I do pray on their behalf. In fact, I’ve already promised any money raised from the Declaration of Independence to go to the people of Bosnia. And they receive it (letter and slides) on Monday and today’s Sunday. (“N”) It has the phone number I can even call at the UN to contact them should I need to so it’s like maybe something good might happen for a change after all. I also picked up two little like very, very traditional pamphlets. One called From Glory to Glory! and the other one In the Twinkling of an Eye! I remember buying it I thought, (“WELL”) “I’ll buy them. They’re only a nickel each. (“WHA”) It can’t hurt, right? I’m sure it’s got something interesting in it. Even though the name of the woman on the one (cover) — there is no author (on the cover of) From Glory to Glory! (“BUT ON”) In the Twinkling of an Eye! I thought, “Oh well her name doesn’t have ‘son’ in it or doesn’t have ‘bel’ in it. But then when I got home I realized that the same woman had written both tracts and her name is Sikking so she has ‘king’ in her name. I didn’t even realize — so busy looking for ‘son’ and ‘bel’ that I forgot about ‘king’ so — people might not think that this is like the biblical miracles of old but in terms of connectedness it does make a difference that I worked on the press kit for “Pontiac Moon” starring Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen who are now married I think. And it might not make a difference that I worked on “Dead Again” starring Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson. But there are many people who are just as good-looking, just as talented, just as sexually attractive as both of these two fine artists; however, they had not been so fortunate and so lucky as Emma and Ted, who really blew it in “Pontiac Moon,” I must say. I mean his performance stunk. I think he’s a great performer. I love all his work. He’s wonderful but in that movie he was demonically possessed, crazed out of his mind and acting like a blithering fool. There. (laughs) And that director has done wonderful movies. I mean right before, the director of “Pontiac Moon” did that film, he had done “Romeo Is Bleeding”—of course, we’re talking about Peter Medak— and “The Krays” and “Let Him Have It.” So for someone to come off those three brilliant films and do this total fiasco — actually it wouldn’t have been so bad if not for Ted Danson acting like, I don’t know, a very affected English old schoolteacher of some sort. It was bizarre. See it (and) you’ll understand what I’m talking about it. (“AND”) Anyway, enough of that. Of course, Emma is always Emma in all of her movies and she’s wonderful but she’s had it so lucky. She’s been so lucky. Will anyone argue the fact?
( . . . )
Q: So get this. After — (“GOT”) this was why I was recording in the first place, I guess — talk about this embarrassing event that was also wonderful. It was also nauseating. It was also happy — had a happy ending. Anyway, so I come downstairs after taping this tape and I know Mighael’s pissed on me a little bit because I didn’t hold anything back. (“NN”) I never do. No? So what if I call Him a lunatic? I mean do you blame me? I mean — I mean He’s much more than that. I mean that’s just one facet of it. (“I”) I’m sure — (“HE”) he gets upset when a bunny rabbit dies. So can you imagine? I mean I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m just saying He’s so very sensitive that (“US”) humans drive him nuts and I definitely consider myself to be one of those doing that. So I come downstairs. There’s a cockroach. (“ON”) Coming out of my sink. I mean the one — I did have a few pieces of lettuce in it from lunch I was just about to put away. Oh my God. I was hysterical. I said — I was very upset. I said, “Listen, I ask nothing of You. You know, I do — I’m working on this book for You morning, noon and night. And this is the thanks I get?” I said, “Mighael, You get that cockroach now.” I want to see it on the sink or else. And, sure enough, the cockroach came out and I killed it. So I said, “Michael, you’ll never know how much love I feel for you right now.” And it’s true. Ever since then, I feel totally loving because He doesn’t speak to me in words but He definitely speaks to me in actions. So He does make Himself and His mood known to me all the time and vice-versa. So I just hope He knows what He’s doing. The Nineveh story. I loved the Nineveh story. (“CON” “ENO” “SIMUL”) Immediate conversion of millions and millions of people to religion. That sounds wonderful.
( . . . )
Q: Oh and I forgot. Also in this book Mysteries of the Holy Grail, there is a business card for an “internationally-known mystic, counselor, teacher and author now in Los Angeles.” It has his telephone number and it says, “Call or write for free information.” And it has his mailing address. And his name is William Alexander Oribello. I’m definitely going to call him. Why not?
( . . . )
Q: (“SO [IT]S”) It’s 11:04 on Sunday night. Mighael, I’m very disillusioned with You — (“I AM”) very bored and distraught about taping or should I say transcribing this tape, which I’m doing out of order (“JUST TO MAKE”) just to make you happy, you pervert. I mean (“IT’S”) — from now on I’m going to take extra precautions not to do interviews when there are other people talking in the room because it’s very hard to tell them apart from the spirit voices so it’s one big fucking mess for one person to do. I mean this isn’t a company here. I don’t have people I can delegate (to). I mean it’s hell. Now I know how Jesus felt like. (“HIS”) God can do anything to help anyone and He doesn’t do a goddamn thing to help anyone. Some kind of weird rule, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t care. I’m just very bored bored bored. All my friends think I’m insane — the ones I still have. And even — (“THE” “THEN”) then I have weird dreams and nightmares about them. Same thing with my family members. It’s like I’ve been sequestered in a little hell of serving other people and I’m supposed to come to some important truths about this. I mean give me a break. I don’t like whining like this but you’d think that I’d have some little encouragement somehow instead of just the proverbial “YOU NUT.” I mean I’m sorry. (“BUT”) I’m not a very — I mean I’m spiritual in loving God and expressing love but it takes — it’s hard to — for one person to take the responsibility of channeling Mighael’s ideas for mankind and giving it a human sensibility to project them on. I mean I’ll be gla(d) — I have no choice (other than) to do it. But — I don’t know why I’m complaining. It’s just — I just don’t see any — I don’t get any encouragement from anywhere. And you and I both know, goddamn it, I could somehow be getting a little bit of encouragement from somewhere in some way. Enough whining. (“I HOPE”) Maybe even I’ll edit this section. Maybe I’ll start editing whole sections out of my fucking book. I mean who really needs it? I thought this was a means to an end. Not an end to a means. Or an end to my sanity. Or an end to the end. I mean people who have read the various bibles and religious books have been fed miracles — wonderful sublime miracles and angels. I have disembodied voice on my fucking tapes. And feathers once in a while in mysterious places. It’s not as poetically interesting as the old biblical sagas. I mean can We rethink this? I know every movie ever made is a miracle. (“BUT”) Most of them are pieces of shit. I mean You really have made a mess of things and it’s like You better start getting some help for me because I’m getting overwhelmed again. And I don’t need any romantic get-togethers in Alhambra with You. (“YOU CAN JUST”) You can just talk for more than one sentence at a time on my tapes. You’re making me very nervous.
( . . . )
Q: Mighael, I’m going to find it very difficult to channel love to You tonight. I’m even going to read Nostradamus while I go to bed early. (“BUT”) Don’t even think about channeling love. I have a headache.
( . . . )
. . . How you gonna ever find your place Running in an artificial pace Are they gonna find us lying face down in the sand So what the hell now, we’ve already been forever damned Anywhere you go I’ll follow you down . . .
Q: Good morning. Well I have to be honest. I didn’t want to channel love last night to Mighael but I don’t have anything else to do in my life so I really wasn’t very — I didn’t really keep to my words. So here I am looking at the newspaper, having cereal, which I started doing in Alhambra and which Martha started doing when she got married too. And I’m looking at the Calendar section. I can’t tell you how many Michaels there are and how many people with the word ‘son’ in it (their names). I’m also noticing a lot of people with the word ‘wood’ in it (their names) around me. For example — and plus there’s an article — a pop music review about The Smashing Pumpkins, which is something I hear all the time on the radio. Michael’s always playing me some of their songs and I’m sure (for) other people too. I’m sure some of them really express what He’s feeling now. (DJ heard on radio in background) Gin Blossoms — (“ON”) “Congratulations I’m Sorry” (song: “Follow You Down”). You know what? That was one of the songs that was on the lost microcassette. I was listening to the radio and the world premiere of that song came on and I said something that made Mighael upset because as I was talking about the song and probably misinterpreting it, there was this huge snap crackle from my microcassette so I’m sure that whole cassette bothered him. I just wasn’t in a good mood. (“N”) That’s another thing I have to be honest about. I keep getting the feeling (“TH[AT]”) we don’t entirely trust one another. And I — (“UH-UH”) because I guess it’s like — it’s hard understanding a human being who has the knowledge of God — (“N”) trying to understand their emotions. So it’s a constant give and take. (“I HAVE”) He wants me to explain myself and think things through so He can understand what I’m feeling and so I’m trying to explain to Him why He misunderstands people like Jonah and people over the years who He thinks are really preoccupied with their self-interest and not other people. But you have to remember He’s demonstrated to me (“THAT”) everyone on Earth has the potential to have eternal happiness. So whatever happens to them in this life is secondary to their salvation. And I kind of feel responsible for helping that along with my book. So, therefore, I’m very preoccupied with my book. So I feel silly talking about all the ‘Michael’s and ‘son’s and people like that who have some kind of connection to me. (“BUT”) Just for example — (“I DON’T”) I’m going to stop doing this. And, by the way, “Black Sheep” was number one at the boxoffice. That shows you how nice Mighael is after the way Paramount’s been treating me He still (“LET”) let them have the number one film for the week. So, anyway, for example, there are some “Counterpunch” articles. One of them is by Ira Zimmerman. There’s a response to one — (“TO”) an article by Judith Michaelson. There is — (“ON THE FF”) on the first page, there’s a picture of Bob Holman, artistic director of New York’s Nuyorican Poets Cafe. (“YOU KNOW”) In reading this Pumpkins article, I note that the drummer is named Jimmy Chamberlin. I keep remembering other Michaels in my life and other people that I’ve met over the years. It’s hard to explain but I think I’m going to stop talking about all these ‘Michael’s and ‘man’s that I see all the time because if I was reading it in a book I wouldn’t think very much of it except that this person needs to be in an institution somewhere. And I had a nightmare about that last night. Where do these nightmares come from? Oh God. I mean it was a real scary nightmare about life in an institution. But it was more like a movie version. (“IT WAS”) You know — ohh. Anyway, I”m just trying to do the best I can.
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Q: In “Morning Report,” there’s a producer named Tony Hoffman. A stand-up comic in “Morning Report” is named Wendy Liebman. Of course in the ads there’s Nicole Kidman/”To Die For.” “All she wanted was a little attention.”
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Q: By the way, Ira Zimmerman is president of the Cal State Fullerton Center for Children Who Stutter and a board member of the National Stuttering Project. What a commendable job.
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Q: In the “Week In Review” section, there’s a picture of Wanda Coleman who had read selections from her book Hand Dance at “Nuyorican Poets Cafe Live” at Veterans Wadsworth Theatre.
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Q: Of course, “Bed of Roses” stars Christian Slater and Mary Stuart Masterson.
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Q: On the front page, I forgot to mention there’s a picture of Donald Sutherland. You know there’s a connection there.
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Q: There are also a lot of ‘Rose’s in my life like — and I note that, like, Howard Rosenberg’s column appears today again.
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Q: Also in the “Morning Report” there’s a mention of Golden Mikes which are the awards presented by the Radio and Television News Association of Southern California.
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Q: And practically every star in every movie I have done a press kit about them at one point or other in my life. I mean the cast of “The Godfather Part III” alone. For other studios I’ve done press kits for “Love Field,” “Clifford,” “Car 54 Where Are You?” — those were for Orion; for Universal, “Reality Bites”; for Warner Bros., “Who’s That Girl.” But I really didn’t have any control over the final press kits. I just did — turned in a draft and then they worked on them after that. Of course, I think mine were better. Plus, I’ve done various articles over the years and helped positionings and things for other people, including for New Line I helped them with “8 Seconds.” And also for Orion, I did an article on the movie “Article 99.”
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Q: On page 10 of today’s Calendar there’s a mention of John Lippman who was “fired from KCBS-TV channel 2 in 1993 after a tabloid reign as news director that incited open rebellion in his newsroom over his tactics and strident management style.” And it says he may be “ba-a-a-ack.” It goes on to talk about him. Apparently, he’s one of three men named finalists for the job after a nationwide search that reportedly drew 130 applicants. This is for running KLCS-TV channel 58, the public TV station operated by the Los Angeles (“DIS”) Unified School District. The other finalists are Tom Mossman, who ran the station from 1979 to 1987 and is now communications director for the Catholic Archdiocese; and Alan Baker, former producer for “A Current Affair,” “Hard Copy,” “Entertainment Tonight” and “Solid Gold.” It goes on to talk some more about Lippman: (“IT”) “He lasted less than a year in a tornadic stint that saw the station’s newscasts dive to their trashiest level ever while regularly using trickery to induce viewers to tune in.” This is in Howard Rosenberg’s column. Well this is sort of a not very nice article for Lippman to wake up to in the morning when he’s being considered for this job. I wonder why it’s here.
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Q: In an ad for “The Late Show” with David Letterman, it says: “February scheduled guests” — Bette Midler, Julia Roberts, Kelsey Grammar, Uma Thurman who was in “Jennifer Eight,” Chuck Norris, Tom Arnold, Joan Collins, who had the same financial manager as me for a while, Wynona, Fran Drescher, Teri Hatcher, who was also in a Paramount film that I worked on the press kit for, Neal Diamond, Elle MacPherson, Shania Twain — I wonder if she’s any relation to — oh I’m sure. Even though that was a pseudonym I’m sure something happened somewhere along the line. Don Henley, Tammy Faye Messner, Jackie Chan. Oh boy.
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Q: Taking a quick look at what’s on tonight on TV, I see “The Anderson Tapes” with Sean Connery. I see “Perry Mason: The Case of the Glass Coffin.” Oh it’s funny — there’s also, on TNT, two movies with Harvey Korman: “Crash Course” — oh it’s the same one on twice. It also lists Charles Robinson. Well that’s enough. You get the picture.
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Q: Oh I just have to add — no, I always check sometimes to see if my batteries (are) working or not and when I back it up a little bit and I can hear Mighael breathing and saying ‘uh-huh,’ it’s like “Why don’t you do anything more than that? You’re right here with me, Lovey.”
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE, OCT. 17, 1999: I NO LONGER AM TRANSCRIBING SUBTLE WORDS SOMETIMES AFFILIATED WITH SPIRIT BREATHING SUCH AS, IN CERTAIN INSTANCES, “UH-HUH” AND “YEAH.”)
Q: Also I note in the sports section — real quick, I just noticed that there’s an article about Blaine Johnson.
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Q: Oh my God, in the Metro section there’s an article about Audrey Meadows who passed away apparently and I just remembered Jackie Gleason. “I’ve got a biggg mouth.”
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Q: On the same page appears the word “Congressman.” Do you think? No. Yes?
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Q: The last section I usually read is the headline section because it’s just so hard and I’m sure a lot of people feel that way.
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Q: By the way, I must say there’s an article about Clinton winning over the military. (“N”) You know, he’s not really a bad person. It’s just that — well the budget and the fact that I know Mighael wants someone else to be President next time.
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Q: This whole thing about Colin Powell is because one of the things — one of the times my TV set came on there was a picture of Colin Powell and then it went off, which was enough for me. And plus the fact that he doesn’t want to be President.
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Q: So now I’m going to begin transcribing again. So Mighael help me to hear clearly. You know how frustrating this can be. And I have total faith in You. I mean You made a dead dog come back to life. (“S[O]”) You can do anything. And I don’t need anything. I mean I think life is just wonderful the way it is. At least, my life. I mean the people who are in need I feel sorry for. But I’m very happy right now. If I get too frustrated with this today, it might be another story. And I might make You upset. But — and tonight hopefully I’ll see Fiona. If you let — (“HER”) her car doesn’t break down again. And we’ll go to the movie. And someday if I become successful I’m going to hire transcribers to work on my tapes for me and I’ll just check them over and I’ll be a lot happier and more loving. I’ll have more time to spend with the One I love. Quality time. Quality channeling time. So remember that. And, by the way, ohh — I guess I’ve really said enough for right now. Why don’t You say something, Mighael, for the rest of this tape? (pause) He probably has nothing to say. I’m probably saying it all for Him. And I’m as confused as hell. I and The Smashing Pumpkins are saying a lot of what’s on Mighael’s mind. And all those other songs, (“AN”) books and poems and plays and everything. They’re all expressing different feelings that Mighael has so He’s very confused.
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