TELEPHONE INTERVIEW — TAPE #38, SIDE #1
Q: Mark Russell Bell
E: Ellen Russell (my mother in California)
(“WE CALL”)
Q: Okay, so now what are you doing with (“AHHHHHH”) Allene Fredrickson?
E: No, I just said that on Wednesday I’ll (“U” “AHH”) just go down there and I’ll see what it’s all about.
Q: You mean reading The Gospel According to St. John and studying — (“THE BOOK” “UH-HUH”)
E: Well, no I have to read it before.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: I COUGH TWICE AND EACH TIME THERE IS AN UNATTRIBUTED CLICKING SOUND.)
E: Mark, it’s not that big. I mean it’s just different people are into different things. Like you’re into nutsy and you stand by it. I’m not into anything but I go and I look. I observe and I kind of know where I —
Q: And all I said was “Me screaming about those people studying the Bible all day when they could be out doing things to help their fellow man —”
E: Honey, it’s not all day, it’s an hour. (“WELL”)
Q: That’s an hour that could be better used somewhere else.
E: Well, right. If I had a job, believe me, I’d be there.
Q: No, I’m not talking about that.
E: I am. (“YEAH”)
Q: I’m talking about people who want to help God. They can help God by helping their fellow man. Not by studying the Bible.
E: Well maybe that’s how they get better and help. Oh, well, Mark, who knows? (“NO”)
Q: No. That’s why I’m saying me complaining about that is like Jesus overturning the tables in his Father’s house way back when. (“UH-HUH”) That’s the equivalent.
E: Of course, she’ll ask me about how the boys are. Ho ho ho. (sighs)
Q: Well, you have to tell her the truth. (“FIGURE OUT”)
E: No, I’m not going to tell her the truth. I’ll just say what I’ve always — (“SAY”)
Q: Tell her I’ve experienced major phenomena. (“THAT I’M” “I HA[VE]” “I’M A” “[LITTLE GIRL] “NO”)
E: I’ll say, “Mark and Michael had everything going for them. They’ve chosen their own way of life. It’s different from mine.”
Q: Are you going to tell her that I’m living with the angel Mighael in my condo?
E: No, I’ll just say that you’re neglectful, (“HHHHHH”) self-indulgent, into yourself —
Q: No, I’m into God. I’m a — (“ONE WAY”) tell her I’m born again.
E: Oh, I’m not — you haven’t been born again.
Q: No, ‘born-again.’ (“YEAH”) I think that’s — (“NO” “YOU KNOW”)
E: No, Mark, I’ll say you’re fine.
Q: — a nice sentiment.
E: I’ll just say you’re fine fine fine and that’ll be it.
Q: Okay. Will you tell her please to do something more constructive with her time (“THAN — THAN”) than researching the Bible.
E: Allene is seventy-three years old. She’s raised three children.
Q: She could be doing volunteer work for the homeless (“YEAH”) somewhere somehow.
E: (sighs)
Q: Just tell her I made that recommendation, if you will.
E: Mark, I wouldn’t even associate you with Allene. (“WELL”)
Q: She likes me.
E: She doesn’t know you. I don’t — (“NO I’M”)
Q: She remembers me. We saw her.
E: They thought you were both wonderful and brilliant and —
Q: Right.
E: — I mean there was jealousy because, like, two women scratching over their kids. But guess who won?
Q: Oh, stop it.
E: That’s what I tell her.
Q: That’s ridiculous. Who won?
E: Who do you think?
Q: I don’t look at it as a competition.
E: Well, I don’t either. I just look at it as a fact of life.
Q: We each in our own lives are given —
E: Yes, I know, Mark. I know. Yes. Yes.
Q: Everything that happens to us is preplanned by God (“SURE — SURE”) so there’s no reason to have any kind of rivalries or jealousies.
E: Sure sure sure sure — well, if it’s already preplanned, Mark, why don’t you just stay in bed and let God take over? If it’s preplanned? Good grief.
Q: Because that’s not in my nature.
E: Well, then God has preplanned that.
Q: Exactly.
E: Isn’t that a wonderful God? That would preplan your life like that?
Q: Yes, it is.
E: Well, I’m glad your God is different from mine.
Q: Well, that remains to be seen.
E: I’m so glad you got that God and I got the real one.
Q: Does yours have horns? (“NO”) No, I’m just kidding.
E: No.
Q: I don’t believe in the Devil. I don’t believe in Satan.
E: My God is just a big, engulfing life. (“OKAY”)
Q: Okay, well, then you should listen better. (“UH-HUH”) Anyway, okay, well — anyway.
E: So you’re not working or doing anything productive?
Q: Of course I am. (“O”) Okay, well I better go now.
E: Yes, I think you better. But I just called to say, you know, you’re alright and I guess Michael’s alright also?
Q: Of course. (“SSS”) I screeched at him last night too.
E: Why? What he do?
Q: Hmm? (“WHAT’D”)
E: What (did) poor little Mikey do?
Q: He works too late when he could be doing (“AHH” “HE COULD DO — DOING”) more constructive things with his life.
E: You’re much too late.
Q: After I — in fact after — (“YOU KNOW I WAS”) I guess I was — oh well.
E: Why don’t you screech at me, Mark, and tell me that I — instead of keeping you and your brother I should have been out there doing something constructive with my life.
Q: No, I think you’re fine. (“WHY DON’T YOU SCREECH”)
E: Why don’t you screech —
Q: You’re doing exactly what you should be doing.
E: No. No. No no no. Why — no. Why don’t you screech at me now and tell me why did I waste my life like that? Why don’t you screech at me? I wish you would. That’d make me feel good. You should say, (“NO IT’S”) “Ellen, you horrible person —”
Q: Everyone must judge their own lives. (“E[XACTLY]”)
E: Exactly. (“IT”)
Q: No one can judge anyone else.
E: Oh, yes they can. Oh, Mark, please. (“NO”)
Q: No no no.
E: Oh yes yes yes. I mean I don’t know where that came — all I can say is, Mark —
Q: Only God can judge us.
E: God doesn’t give one bean. The Great Spirit made us and He said, ‘You’re on your own. If you want me, let me know. But if you’re always there to say, “Oh God —”‘ That’s like when I (“HEARD”) — this woman said once, (“WELL SHE CAN”) “God will provide.” Well, guess what happened to her? Her God didn’t provide. God will always show us the way and yet what? She croaked (small laugh) very soon after that. (“WELL”) (small laugh) Good grief!
Q: Everyone’s got to go sometime.
E: Well, exactly. That’s what I said. Well, see? Maybe if she’d taken matters into her own hands and not been so self-absorbed in —
Q: In what? (“IN THINK”)
E: In thinking that she’d never had to do anything really with her life because, after all, ‘God will provide. God will show her the way.’
Q: Well, of course not. You have to take the initiative.
E: And God — you know what God told her? ‘Look what I gave you. You could have used — and I could have — but you didn’t want it. You just threw it away.’ So God said, ‘Really, there’s no reason for you to go on. There’s no reason for you to be here anymore.’
Q: Okay. (“SO”) What do you think He’s telling Allene right now?
E: I don’t know.
Q: How do you spell Allene’s name anyway?
E: A — L — L — E — N — E.
Q: Okay. (“UM-HUH” “NO”) I think He might even say something very similar to her. (“RRR”)
E: Pardon?
Q: I think God might be saying something very similar to her right now. (“WWW”)
E: Similar to who? (“BECK”)
Q: To people who are in those stupid Bible study groups. (“SSS”)
E: Allene had thirty-some people to her house over the holidays to her house. Her son came from Ohio with his wife and they brought —
Q: That’s not what I’m talking about.
E: Her son John was there (“AND YOU”) and Eloise came down with her boyfriend who’s up from Redwood City. And then Kathy, who is Paul’s wife — their family came down from Seattle to be with them. So she’s had a — please. (“NO”)
Q: That’s not what I’m talking about — I’m just saying —
E: You can’t tell me —
Q: — that there’s better things that they can do with their time than reading the Bible. They could be out doing volunteer work. We have major problems everywhere you look. And they’re out reading the Bible, which is a very nice —
E: Honey —
Q: — collection of metaphors and poetry and symbols and allegories.
E: — you know what? (“UH-HUH”) You know what else they were able to do last summer? She and Elmer —
Q: I hope it’s something interesting. (“UH-HUH”)
E: — flew all the way back to Detroit and guess what they did there? They picked up a brand new car and drove it all the way back and saw all the beautiful wonders of the United States.
Q: Well, that’s nice.
E: Well, of course. So, you see, Mark, there are people — (“SMOKEY BEAR”)
Q: I think that doing that was making good use of their time.
E: Well, (“I”) they’re retired. And they were — and Elmer was always a very smart man.
Q: What do you mean was?
E: Okay, he still obviously is. I mean I don’t know. I haven’t seen him for years. But he was always into stocks. (“YOGA” “SCHOOL TEACHER” “MY HOME”) I mean that’s where he made a lot of his money. Remember he also was (“THINK UP”) an engineer over at C. F. Broad so — (“DON’T PANIC”) I don’t know.
Q: Okay, so I’m going to a new therapist (“I”) beginning on Monday evening. (“NO” “UM”) He is a hypnotherapist. (“BUT” “WELL”) He’s very insightful. (“AND HE”) He knows — it’s amazing —
E: How do you know?
Q: From my last session. He’s amazing. I had very good results that first time.
E: I wonder why your psychiatrist said you should go see a gay —
Q: I think she was just hurt (“THAT”) — well I told her, “Look I —”
E: She’s not hurt. I mean she could care less about you. (“NO NO — LET ME JUST EXPLAIN”)
Q: Let me — no, I think she was upset because —
E: She thinks you’re an asshole period. Excuse my language.
Q: No no no no no.
E: Yes yes yes yes yes.
Q: No. I told her, “Look, I’m fine. There’s nothing (“WILL YOU” “HUH”) wrong with me.”
E: (groans) (“YOU”)
Q: “You’ve done wonderful things for me in the past when I was feeling a little (“HELLO”) confused and overwhelmed. But now —”
E: Confused and overwhelmed? (“THERE’S NO” “WORK”)
Q: “— there’s no reason why I need to see you anymore.”
E: I don’t understand why you’re confused and overwhelmed.
Q: No, I’m not anymore.
E: With your life.
Q: I’m just saying back then.
E: But why were you then with your life? Why?
Q: Because —
E: Why? Why!
Q: — when I was in Alhambra, —
E: No no no no — before —
Q: — which I thought was like — no, listen —
E: — why would you —
Q: The people there were all acting like demons (“UH-HUH”) or people in a Satanic cult —
E: — what — Mark —
Q: — saying things like they want to eat me and things.
E: — just tell me (“UH-HUH”) why. What came into your life? What made you become such a freakazoid that you’d be taken there? What overwhelmed you in your life? What caused this? I mean you don’t know. (“I”)
Q: Yes, I do know.
E: What?
Q: I told you.
E: Oh, don’t tell me about that stupid entity down in Oklahoma. (“OF COUR[SE]”)
Q: He was always in my life.
E: ‘Con’-trahoma. Mark — ohh!
Q: When I realized —
E: Mark, (“RIGHT”) if you were going to go — (sighs) —
Q: — He revealed Himself to me and I remembered the burning bushes —
E: Oh bull. (groans)
Q: — and I remembered all the miracles that He performed, I realized (“THE”) that every sin I had ever —
E: What miracle has He performed?
Q: No, just listen.
E: Well, no, tell me regarding — (“BUT”) I don’t see any miracles.
Q: I realized that He had been watching me as He is watching each of us — constantly. (“WELL WH”)
E: Well, why —
Q: During every single moment of our lives.
E: Well, if He’s watching me — (“AND HE’D SEE”) what does He tell you about me?
Q: He’s not telling me anything.
E: Why not if He’s watching us? (“CAUSE THAT”)
Q: That isn’t the point.
E: Why?
Q: What do you mean why? He just did it to me. (“HE — HE — IT WAS LIKE THE”) It was like (“RE”) experiencing redemption while being still alive and I tried to explain that to this lady I spoke to last night —
E: Well, I can tell you why. (“HE’S”) He’s (“KEY”) a cast-out person.
Q: Who is?
E: The one you’ve chosen because — (“UH”)
Q: He’s not cast out.
E: — he found the only person (laughs) that was stupid enough after He’d been cast out —
Q: What do you mean? Who’s been cast out? (“HE”)
E: Obviously, this person or whatever. This being. This entity obviously has been cast out by (“THE”) the creation of the world because they couldn’t stand Him. (“SO HE”)
Q: No, He’s God — oh, actually, that’s true.
E: So you called Him —
Q: God has been cast out by the world. That’s exactly true.
E: — and guess what He found?
Q: What?
E: Because He couldn’t find anybody even if they lived on the street — (“WHO WERE”) moronic and nuts —
Q: Right.
E: — He had to find the weakest, (small laugh) simplest person and guess what?
Q: I think He found the person who loved Him the most.
E: He found — (“HE”) well, obviously you’re not getting any better and —
Q: Well, I am — no, I am.
E: — this time I think —
Q: I’m just saying that — (“UH”) I don’t think He was cast out. I think mankind cast Him out of their lives.
E: Well, exactly. Why wouldn’t they? I would cast Him out too. Obviously, He couldn’t get on with mankind.
Q: No. (“NO HE”)
E: He couldn’t stand up and say, ‘I am me. I still like me. I haven’t done this or I haven’t done that. I’ve done the best I could.’
Q: He wouldn’t know how to express it. That’s why He’s choosing me to do it for Him. (“NO”)
E: Well, He chose the wrong one. I’m sure He’ll soon find out.
Q: Well, I can only do my best. (“TTT”)
E: Well, I know, but, Mark, guess what — in your case? It’s not good enough.
Q: Well, that’s a chance I’ll have to take. (“WELL I”)
E: Well, it’s a chance you are taking.
Q: Okay. Well, thank you. Have a nice day.
E: Well, I will.
Q: Okay. (“MUST BE”)
E: There’s one thing when I get up in the morning I know no matter what.
Q: What’s that?
E: I’m me and I still have my wits about me.
Q: Very good.
E: I just wish you could do that. I just don’t know what happened to you, Mark.
Q: I do. (“GOOD MAN”) You can read about it in my book.
E: Mark, no one will read your book.
Q: Okay okay okay. (“NO”)
E: No one will care. They will cast you out. (“YOU WILL HAVE A LOT”)
Q: It’s so funny. When I was transcribing the tape, there was one time when one of the voices said that my book wasn’t going to be a bestseller. (“RRR”) But at dinner the other night with Mark Kostabi, my attorney Jonathan (“MADE A”) said, “Well, you don’t really think it’s not going to be a bestseller if you don’t want it to be, do you?” And it didn’t even sound like Jonathan. (“UH-HUH”)
E: He’s sick of you.
Q: No, it didn’t even sound like him. (“IT’S”)
E: It’s Jonathan telling you that you’re loco.
Q: That’s what he usually does. That’s why I was so surprised when he said this. I think he was channeling Mighael.
E: I think that he was telling you that — even (sighs) Jonathan knows that you know that it’ll never be sold. That it will never go anywhere. And you know it and that’s what you want.
Q: We’ll see. No, that’s not what I want.
E: Yes, it is, Mark.
Q: Okay, well I better go now. (“UM”)
E: That’s exactly what you want.
Q: Okay okay. (“MAYBE”) Oh, I don’t know. Okay.
E: That’s what you want. You know it and I know it.
Q: What do you mean? What do I want?
E: You know you don’t want your book to go anywhere.
Q: Of course I do.
E: You do not.
Q: I do too.
E: Well, I’m not going to argue.
Q: Okay, I have to go. I have to go. (“OKAY BYE”)
E: But I mean if I can see it I’m sure everybody else can see it also.
Q: Okay okay. I’ve just been working on it a long time. It’s just much longer than I ever thought it would be.
E: Mark, you’ve been working on a book for forever.
Q: I know. (“WWW”)
E: For something, I mean. (“AND”) And you know and I know and everybody out there knows that it’s not going anywhere.
Q: I gave the first 300 pages (“T[O]”) to my ex-shrink and I also gave it to the family to look at. So I am making progress. Okay, I have to go.
( . . . )
Q: (speaking into tape recorder) It’s Friday, January 5th. (“UH-HUH”) The Grammy nominations were announced yesterday. (“YEAH”) And I see that Joan Osborne received five nominations. (“SSS”) Before — when I was surprised when she was named the artist of the best song on the radio station I was listening to, it was before the nominations so now it looks like she’s a shoo-in for at least one award. Anyway, after the gym today, I went antique shopping because my horoscope mentioned something about gifts of love. This place was a few shops over from that store Peron where I bought the George Washington picture — a little place called Minnette’s Antiques. So I bought two items. (“SSS”) Of course, when I was at the Yellow Aster I was kind of hoping and looking for the Holy Grail and I didn’t get one. I mean that free item he gave me is just an old Hamilton Beach blender bottom. But he didn’t charge me anything so it’s sort of symbolic of the Holy Grail. And what was really curious was after finishing recording on that tape side, he told me another story where he was working as a grip on “Fantasy Island” and, (“YOU”) you know, he (Hugh Langtry) built a walkway for Mary Ann Mobley over some mud when no one else would do such a thing and someone compared him to Sir Walter Raleigh. (“AND SHE”) And Mary Ann Mobley said, “You’re not Sir Walter Raleigh — you’re Sir Galahad.” This was at the “Fantasy Island” set at Columbia Ranch. I joked, “Well, we had been talking about the Holy Grail.” (“AND THEN” “HE”) When he mentioned — (“THAT”) she called him Sir Galahad, I asked about that (“AND OF”) and he mentioned that Sir Galahad had been looking for the Holy Grail. And he was going to give this metal container to me free. It wasn’t worth anything and he called it a pilon, an old Jewish (“SHH”) trait. (“TTT” “AND UM”) So, anyway, (“AND THEN I”) I just felt like if I was going to find another antique after finding the Ark of the Covenant, the Declaration of Independence, a George Washington portrait, and “The Last Supper” — what else? (“SSE”) Well, it just seemed liked the Holy Grail would be next. (“TTT”)
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: “THE LAST SUPPER” IS A VERY OLD COPPER PIECE APPROXIMATELY 10″ WIDE AND 5″ HIGH THAT I PURCHASED AT AN ANTIQUE STORE CALLED IRENE’S PLACE AT 3371 GLENDALE BOULEVARD IN THE ATWATER VILLAGE AREA OF LOS ANGELES. IT COST ME $37.88 INCLUDING TAX. THE ‘INDIAN TEMPLE INNER DOOR’ COST $135.33 INCLUDING TAX.)
Q: So I went into this store, Minnette’s. (“SSS”) I looked around and there was something that sort of looked like a grail but not quite. (“BUT”) It was a very unusual piece, much more expensive than I usually like to pay. I think it was $375 and she gave it to me $350 if I paid for it all at one time so with tax it came to $378.88. Joanie, the sales woman, didn’t know what to call it on the (“UH-UH YOU KNOW”) description for my credit card receipt, which is the only receipt they give, so she first put “goblet” but then she tore that up because I mentioned, “Well, I might use it as a candy dish.” So then she wrote down “ster(ling). dish.” So that’s what it says. I said, (“WELL WHY DON’T”) “At this price it’s like the Holy Grail of my collection so why don’t you just put down grail?” And she said, “Oh, no, (“WE HAVE TO”) we always have to put down what they are.” And, frankly, I didn’t know if it was the Holy Grail or not. I just felt like this was the piece I was supposed to buy. So as she was calling in my card to see if it was alright — I have been charging a lot on it recently; oh well, me and one billion other Americans, I’m sure —I was looking at the display counter and remembered my horoscope said “gifts”—plural—”of love” and I noticed they had a lot of Egyptian items. And you don’t really see a lot of Egyptian items at these antique stores. So I only had $66 on me so there was one piece that I could afford and it just so happened to be a silver, round image of someone that looks like me — (“OF”) an Egyptian pharaoh. I don’t know if it’s Bel-Marduk or the God (Amun-)Ra but it looks a little bit like me. (“YEAH”) So I bought this. (“IT WAS”) It just happened to be the same amount of money that I had: $65 cash for the “round silver pin.” It’s been made into a pin. (“I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT” “REA”) It might have been an amulet originally. I don’t know but it looks a little bit like me. So I had two gifts of love — (“JUST”) like my horoscope predicted. And (“THE”) the lady behind the counter was also a Leo. We didn’t go into details. (“AND UM”) I’m very happy. I came home like I always do. And when I get home it’s a quiet time when I like to say a prayer to God and just thank Him for His love and for giving me life. (“FFE”) When I think of all the various aspects of Him and all these sources that I’ve been describing and talking about, it’s sort of easy to forget God is love. Because there are so many aspects of Him and life is so full of different qualities. (“SSS” “BUT”) You have to remember each one of us (“SSS”) wouldn’t have anything if not for Him. We wouldn’t be alive. Everything we have is because of His generosity in giving us life to begin with. Sure, bad things happen to us but at least we’re alive and there’s even the potential to continue being alive after death — if that’s something that seems to be a mutually working relationship like the one that I share with Him. So it’s easy to forget these things and (“DDD”) even when I say them it’s like I wonder (“DOES”) does He know if I’m sincere? Does He think I’m just saying this because I want to be His pet, you know? (“YEAH”) He knows what each one of us is thinking. It’s like that He shares every conscious mind. So (“I”) I think He knows how genuine we are so (“WE”) there’s no fooling Him. And trust me — I know this from some of the things that I’ve heard over the radio, etc. But, anyway, I can’t remember what I talked to my mom about. (“TODAY BUT”) It was about how God can articulate His feelings. I mean He can — (“LIKE LOOK”) what do you expect Him to do? Just have a big lightning bolt come down and say ‘God is angry’? I mean people would laugh. (“HHH”) I mean He could detonate a few nuclear missiles. (“BUT”) People would blame that on the government. I mean (“YOU KNOW IT”) there’s just — you have to read my book. (“KKK” “AND I GUE[SS]”) I don’t know (“IF THIS IS MY SEQUEL”) if what I’m working on now is still my first book. It’s easy to love Him once you know He’s there. (“UH-HUH”) After the tape side ended during my conversation with my brother last night, we spoke some more. Usually I save my more pointed comments for when the recorder is off, like the time I spent one tape (“SI[DE]”) — well, part of one tape side complaining and saying negative things — I just was not in a good mood and I was sort of being — I don’t know what the word is. (“SSS” “I WAS JUST”) I might have been giving the wrong impression so it was obviously (“SSS”) not something that God wanted to go into the book so the battery was too weak to hear anything. So then later when I was describing (“YEAH” “THE EXACT”) the part I could remember — well guess what? That time, the battery too was dead. So the only two times where I had battery problems, it was all dealing with the same subject. So, obviously, I won’t be dealing with that subject. I don’t even remember exactly what I said now. I do remember some things but I don’t think I’ll go into those because I think I’ll have another problem with my battery. I think that my book is very true. (“UH-HUH”) I think these other ‘Messages From Michael’ books — (“ARE”) various aspects of the same truth but not quite so specific. (“CCC” “UM YOU KNOW”) I’ve talked about them before so I don’t need to go into them. Anyway, it’s interesting (“GGG”) because it’s obvious He can do anything so whatever that will entail still remains to be seen. (“NNN”) I remember what I was telling Michael when the tape recorder was off. (“I SA[ID]” “YOU KNOW”) And I don’t really think He is a petty God. I just think that it helps to describe Him as a petty God when no one has considered that aspect of Him before. But you can read that Mark Twain book for that. My book (“IS”) more focuses on the loving aspects. And the situation (“THAT ARE — ARE”) — the problems we have to surmount right now. I was telling Michael, “Well, you should be able to identify better with a petty God than a God of love because of your own relationships.” (“SSS”) Like the time that he — (“ED”) anyway, I don’t need to go into the gory details. (“SSS”) And, (“ANYWAY”) I guess that’s all I have to say for right now. (“WWW”) I do begin therapy on Monday with my new therapist (“TTT”) so I dropped off the first 325 pages of my book (“KKK”) manuscript, case file and the Fortean Times article with the video tape of the show for him. I guess I’ll tape that session on Monday too. But I really plan to get into some of the more difficult questions — and, anyway, it should be very interesting. I don’t know if it’s for publication or not. I don’t know if the battery will work or not. (“TTT”) It’s just something I want to do for myself because I would like to understand my relationship better with the love of my life — I mean I don’t know what to call Him. (“I” “GO[D]”) God — (“IS”) I think that’s too lofty a figure. Mighael is too (“RE”) overused. (“I MEAN EVERY”) Everyone’s named Michael, just about. Angel? I haven’t seen any feathers yet. Alien? Yuck. (“KKK”) Poltergeist? Anyway. (“LET ME JUST”) Really quick, He is the love of my life and I don’t know what He is. I think He’s a Spirit. A beautiful Holy Spirit. (“BUT”) I don’t know what to call Him. Love. Love. All I can say is love incarnate. I’m coming to the end of the (“SI”) side. And I (“MMM”) — here with my Holy Grail and my Ark of the Covenant and my Last Supper (“AAA[ND]”) and all my gifts of love and, hopefully, people will have the same love that I feel once they’ve read my book. (“KKK”) I hope they do. Or just half of the love I feel. (“BECAUSE THEN”) Maybe that will make God feel better about Himself and He’ll be nicer to everyone. And (“YOU CAN”) can you imagine all the wonderful things that might be happening in the world once we start channeling love to Him because then He’ll start channeling love back to us. And I can just imagine all the wonderful things that life would have in store for everyone once that were to happen. (“SO”) It’s just a matter of the same old thing. If you can believe without seeing. (“NGG”) I’ve only seen little parlor (“TR”) tricks like everyone else and I totally believe. (“SO”) It’s up to you. It’s like these are the questions I keep having to ask. (“KKK”) I just think that if everyone can just channel love to each other then I think that God will be happier.
Q: Okay, so now what are you doing with (“AHHHHHH”) Allene Fredrickson?
E: No, I just said that on Wednesday I’ll (“U” “AHH”) just go down there and I’ll see what it’s all about.
Q: You mean reading The Gospel According to St. John and studying — (“THE BOOK” “UH-HUH”)
E: Well, no I have to read it before.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: I COUGH TWICE AND EACH TIME THERE IS AN UNATTRIBUTED CLICKING SOUND.)
E: Mark, it’s not that big. I mean it’s just different people are into different things. Like you’re into nutsy and you stand by it. I’m not into anything but I go and I look. I observe and I kind of know where I —
Q: And all I said was “Me screaming about those people studying the Bible all day when they could be out doing things to help their fellow man —”
E: Honey, it’s not all day, it’s an hour. (“WELL”)
Q: That’s an hour that could be better used somewhere else.
E: Well, right. If I had a job, believe me, I’d be there.
Q: No, I’m not talking about that.
E: I am. (“YEAH”)
Q: I’m talking about people who want to help God. They can help God by helping their fellow man. Not by studying the Bible.
E: Well maybe that’s how they get better and help. Oh, well, Mark, who knows? (“NO”)
Q: No. That’s why I’m saying me complaining about that is like Jesus overturning the tables in his Father’s house way back when. (“UH-HUH”) That’s the equivalent.
E: Of course, she’ll ask me about how the boys are. Ho ho ho. (sighs)
Q: Well, you have to tell her the truth. (“FIGURE OUT”)
E: No, I’m not going to tell her the truth. I’ll just say what I’ve always — (“SAY”)
Q: Tell her I’ve experienced major phenomena. (“THAT I’M” “I HA[VE]” “I’M A” “[LITTLE GIRL] “NO”)
E: I’ll say, “Mark and Michael had everything going for them. They’ve chosen their own way of life. It’s different from mine.”
Q: Are you going to tell her that I’m living with the angel Mighael in my condo?
E: No, I’ll just say that you’re neglectful, (“HHHHHH”) self-indulgent, into yourself —
Q: No, I’m into God. I’m a — (“ONE WAY”) tell her I’m born again.
E: Oh, I’m not — you haven’t been born again.
Q: No, ‘born-again.’ (“YEAH”) I think that’s — (“NO” “YOU KNOW”)
E: No, Mark, I’ll say you’re fine.
Q: — a nice sentiment.
E: I’ll just say you’re fine fine fine and that’ll be it.
Q: Okay. Will you tell her please to do something more constructive with her time (“THAN — THAN”) than researching the Bible.
E: Allene is seventy-three years old. She’s raised three children.
Q: She could be doing volunteer work for the homeless (“YEAH”) somewhere somehow.
E: (sighs)
Q: Just tell her I made that recommendation, if you will.
E: Mark, I wouldn’t even associate you with Allene. (“WELL”)
Q: She likes me.
E: She doesn’t know you. I don’t — (“NO I’M”)
Q: She remembers me. We saw her.
E: They thought you were both wonderful and brilliant and —
Q: Right.
E: — I mean there was jealousy because, like, two women scratching over their kids. But guess who won?
Q: Oh, stop it.
E: That’s what I tell her.
Q: That’s ridiculous. Who won?
E: Who do you think?
Q: I don’t look at it as a competition.
E: Well, I don’t either. I just look at it as a fact of life.
Q: We each in our own lives are given —
E: Yes, I know, Mark. I know. Yes. Yes.
Q: Everything that happens to us is preplanned by God (“SURE — SURE”) so there’s no reason to have any kind of rivalries or jealousies.
E: Sure sure sure sure — well, if it’s already preplanned, Mark, why don’t you just stay in bed and let God take over? If it’s preplanned? Good grief.
Q: Because that’s not in my nature.
E: Well, then God has preplanned that.
Q: Exactly.
E: Isn’t that a wonderful God? That would preplan your life like that?
Q: Yes, it is.
E: Well, I’m glad your God is different from mine.
Q: Well, that remains to be seen.
E: I’m so glad you got that God and I got the real one.
Q: Does yours have horns? (“NO”) No, I’m just kidding.
E: No.
Q: I don’t believe in the Devil. I don’t believe in Satan.
E: My God is just a big, engulfing life. (“OKAY”)
Q: Okay, well, then you should listen better. (“UH-HUH”) Anyway, okay, well — anyway.
E: So you’re not working or doing anything productive?
Q: Of course I am. (“O”) Okay, well I better go now.
E: Yes, I think you better. But I just called to say, you know, you’re alright and I guess Michael’s alright also?
Q: Of course. (“SSS”) I screeched at him last night too.
E: Why? What he do?
Q: Hmm? (“WHAT’D”)
E: What (did) poor little Mikey do?
Q: He works too late when he could be doing (“AHH” “HE COULD DO — DOING”) more constructive things with his life.
E: You’re much too late.
Q: After I — in fact after — (“YOU KNOW I WAS”) I guess I was — oh well.
E: Why don’t you screech at me, Mark, and tell me that I — instead of keeping you and your brother I should have been out there doing something constructive with my life.
Q: No, I think you’re fine. (“WHY DON’T YOU SCREECH”)
E: Why don’t you screech —
Q: You’re doing exactly what you should be doing.
E: No. No. No no no. Why — no. Why don’t you screech at me now and tell me why did I waste my life like that? Why don’t you screech at me? I wish you would. That’d make me feel good. You should say, (“NO IT’S”) “Ellen, you horrible person —”
Q: Everyone must judge their own lives. (“E[XACTLY]”)
E: Exactly. (“IT”)
Q: No one can judge anyone else.
E: Oh, yes they can. Oh, Mark, please. (“NO”)
Q: No no no.
E: Oh yes yes yes. I mean I don’t know where that came — all I can say is, Mark —
Q: Only God can judge us.
E: God doesn’t give one bean. The Great Spirit made us and He said, ‘You’re on your own. If you want me, let me know. But if you’re always there to say, “Oh God —”‘ That’s like when I (“HEARD”) — this woman said once, (“WELL SHE CAN”) “God will provide.” Well, guess what happened to her? Her God didn’t provide. God will always show us the way and yet what? She croaked (small laugh) very soon after that. (“WELL”) (small laugh) Good grief!
Q: Everyone’s got to go sometime.
E: Well, exactly. That’s what I said. Well, see? Maybe if she’d taken matters into her own hands and not been so self-absorbed in —
Q: In what? (“IN THINK”)
E: In thinking that she’d never had to do anything really with her life because, after all, ‘God will provide. God will show her the way.’
Q: Well, of course not. You have to take the initiative.
E: And God — you know what God told her? ‘Look what I gave you. You could have used — and I could have — but you didn’t want it. You just threw it away.’ So God said, ‘Really, there’s no reason for you to go on. There’s no reason for you to be here anymore.’
Q: Okay. (“SO”) What do you think He’s telling Allene right now?
E: I don’t know.
Q: How do you spell Allene’s name anyway?
E: A — L — L — E — N — E.
Q: Okay. (“UM-HUH” “NO”) I think He might even say something very similar to her. (“RRR”)
E: Pardon?
Q: I think God might be saying something very similar to her right now. (“WWW”)
E: Similar to who? (“BECK”)
Q: To people who are in those stupid Bible study groups. (“SSS”)
E: Allene had thirty-some people to her house over the holidays to her house. Her son came from Ohio with his wife and they brought —
Q: That’s not what I’m talking about.
E: Her son John was there (“AND YOU”) and Eloise came down with her boyfriend who’s up from Redwood City. And then Kathy, who is Paul’s wife — their family came down from Seattle to be with them. So she’s had a — please. (“NO”)
Q: That’s not what I’m talking about — I’m just saying —
E: You can’t tell me —
Q: — that there’s better things that they can do with their time than reading the Bible. They could be out doing volunteer work. We have major problems everywhere you look. And they’re out reading the Bible, which is a very nice —
E: Honey —
Q: — collection of metaphors and poetry and symbols and allegories.
E: — you know what? (“UH-HUH”) You know what else they were able to do last summer? She and Elmer —
Q: I hope it’s something interesting. (“UH-HUH”)
E: — flew all the way back to Detroit and guess what they did there? They picked up a brand new car and drove it all the way back and saw all the beautiful wonders of the United States.
Q: Well, that’s nice.
E: Well, of course. So, you see, Mark, there are people — (“SMOKEY BEAR”)
Q: I think that doing that was making good use of their time.
E: Well, (“I”) they’re retired. And they were — and Elmer was always a very smart man.
Q: What do you mean was?
E: Okay, he still obviously is. I mean I don’t know. I haven’t seen him for years. But he was always into stocks. (“YOGA” “SCHOOL TEACHER” “MY HOME”) I mean that’s where he made a lot of his money. Remember he also was (“THINK UP”) an engineer over at C. F. Broad so — (“DON’T PANIC”) I don’t know.
Q: Okay, so I’m going to a new therapist (“I”) beginning on Monday evening. (“NO” “UM”) He is a hypnotherapist. (“BUT” “WELL”) He’s very insightful. (“AND HE”) He knows — it’s amazing —
E: How do you know?
Q: From my last session. He’s amazing. I had very good results that first time.
E: I wonder why your psychiatrist said you should go see a gay —
Q: I think she was just hurt (“THAT”) — well I told her, “Look I —”
E: She’s not hurt. I mean she could care less about you. (“NO NO — LET ME JUST EXPLAIN”)
Q: Let me — no, I think she was upset because —
E: She thinks you’re an asshole period. Excuse my language.
Q: No no no no no.
E: Yes yes yes yes yes.
Q: No. I told her, “Look, I’m fine. There’s nothing (“WILL YOU” “HUH”) wrong with me.”
E: (groans) (“YOU”)
Q: “You’ve done wonderful things for me in the past when I was feeling a little (“HELLO”) confused and overwhelmed. But now —”
E: Confused and overwhelmed? (“THERE’S NO” “WORK”)
Q: “— there’s no reason why I need to see you anymore.”
E: I don’t understand why you’re confused and overwhelmed.
Q: No, I’m not anymore.
E: With your life.
Q: I’m just saying back then.
E: But why were you then with your life? Why?
Q: Because —
E: Why? Why!
Q: — when I was in Alhambra, —
E: No no no no — before —
Q: — which I thought was like — no, listen —
E: — why would you —
Q: The people there were all acting like demons (“UH-HUH”) or people in a Satanic cult —
E: — what — Mark —
Q: — saying things like they want to eat me and things.
E: — just tell me (“UH-HUH”) why. What came into your life? What made you become such a freakazoid that you’d be taken there? What overwhelmed you in your life? What caused this? I mean you don’t know. (“I”)
Q: Yes, I do know.
E: What?
Q: I told you.
E: Oh, don’t tell me about that stupid entity down in Oklahoma. (“OF COUR[SE]”)
Q: He was always in my life.
E: ‘Con’-trahoma. Mark — ohh!
Q: When I realized —
E: Mark, (“RIGHT”) if you were going to go — (sighs) —
Q: — He revealed Himself to me and I remembered the burning bushes —
E: Oh bull. (groans)
Q: — and I remembered all the miracles that He performed, I realized (“THE”) that every sin I had ever —
E: What miracle has He performed?
Q: No, just listen.
E: Well, no, tell me regarding — (“BUT”) I don’t see any miracles.
Q: I realized that He had been watching me as He is watching each of us — constantly. (“WELL WH”)
E: Well, why —
Q: During every single moment of our lives.
E: Well, if He’s watching me — (“AND HE’D SEE”) what does He tell you about me?
Q: He’s not telling me anything.
E: Why not if He’s watching us? (“CAUSE THAT”)
Q: That isn’t the point.
E: Why?
Q: What do you mean why? He just did it to me. (“HE — HE — IT WAS LIKE THE”) It was like (“RE”) experiencing redemption while being still alive and I tried to explain that to this lady I spoke to last night —
E: Well, I can tell you why. (“HE’S”) He’s (“KEY”) a cast-out person.
Q: Who is?
E: The one you’ve chosen because — (“UH”)
Q: He’s not cast out.
E: — he found the only person (laughs) that was stupid enough after He’d been cast out —
Q: What do you mean? Who’s been cast out? (“HE”)
E: Obviously, this person or whatever. This being. This entity obviously has been cast out by (“THE”) the creation of the world because they couldn’t stand Him. (“SO HE”)
Q: No, He’s God — oh, actually, that’s true.
E: So you called Him —
Q: God has been cast out by the world. That’s exactly true.
E: — and guess what He found?
Q: What?
E: Because He couldn’t find anybody even if they lived on the street — (“WHO WERE”) moronic and nuts —
Q: Right.
E: — He had to find the weakest, (small laugh) simplest person and guess what?
Q: I think He found the person who loved Him the most.
E: He found — (“HE”) well, obviously you’re not getting any better and —
Q: Well, I am — no, I am.
E: — this time I think —
Q: I’m just saying that — (“UH”) I don’t think He was cast out. I think mankind cast Him out of their lives.
E: Well, exactly. Why wouldn’t they? I would cast Him out too. Obviously, He couldn’t get on with mankind.
Q: No. (“NO HE”)
E: He couldn’t stand up and say, ‘I am me. I still like me. I haven’t done this or I haven’t done that. I’ve done the best I could.’
Q: He wouldn’t know how to express it. That’s why He’s choosing me to do it for Him. (“NO”)
E: Well, He chose the wrong one. I’m sure He’ll soon find out.
Q: Well, I can only do my best. (“TTT”)
E: Well, I know, but, Mark, guess what — in your case? It’s not good enough.
Q: Well, that’s a chance I’ll have to take. (“WELL I”)
E: Well, it’s a chance you are taking.
Q: Okay. Well, thank you. Have a nice day.
E: Well, I will.
Q: Okay. (“MUST BE”)
E: There’s one thing when I get up in the morning I know no matter what.
Q: What’s that?
E: I’m me and I still have my wits about me.
Q: Very good.
E: I just wish you could do that. I just don’t know what happened to you, Mark.
Q: I do. (“GOOD MAN”) You can read about it in my book.
E: Mark, no one will read your book.
Q: Okay okay okay. (“NO”)
E: No one will care. They will cast you out. (“YOU WILL HAVE A LOT”)
Q: It’s so funny. When I was transcribing the tape, there was one time when one of the voices said that my book wasn’t going to be a bestseller. (“RRR”) But at dinner the other night with Mark Kostabi, my attorney Jonathan (“MADE A”) said, “Well, you don’t really think it’s not going to be a bestseller if you don’t want it to be, do you?” And it didn’t even sound like Jonathan. (“UH-HUH”)
E: He’s sick of you.
Q: No, it didn’t even sound like him. (“IT’S”)
E: It’s Jonathan telling you that you’re loco.
Q: That’s what he usually does. That’s why I was so surprised when he said this. I think he was channeling Mighael.
E: I think that he was telling you that — even (sighs) Jonathan knows that you know that it’ll never be sold. That it will never go anywhere. And you know it and that’s what you want.
Q: We’ll see. No, that’s not what I want.
E: Yes, it is, Mark.
Q: Okay, well I better go now. (“UM”)
E: That’s exactly what you want.
Q: Okay okay. (“MAYBE”) Oh, I don’t know. Okay.
E: That’s what you want. You know it and I know it.
Q: What do you mean? What do I want?
E: You know you don’t want your book to go anywhere.
Q: Of course I do.
E: You do not.
Q: I do too.
E: Well, I’m not going to argue.
Q: Okay, I have to go. I have to go. (“OKAY BYE”)
E: But I mean if I can see it I’m sure everybody else can see it also.
Q: Okay okay. I’ve just been working on it a long time. It’s just much longer than I ever thought it would be.
E: Mark, you’ve been working on a book for forever.
Q: I know. (“WWW”)
E: For something, I mean. (“AND”) And you know and I know and everybody out there knows that it’s not going anywhere.
Q: I gave the first 300 pages (“T[O]”) to my ex-shrink and I also gave it to the family to look at. So I am making progress. Okay, I have to go.
( . . . )
Q: (speaking into tape recorder) It’s Friday, January 5th. (“UH-HUH”) The Grammy nominations were announced yesterday. (“YEAH”) And I see that Joan Osborne received five nominations. (“SSS”) Before — when I was surprised when she was named the artist of the best song on the radio station I was listening to, it was before the nominations so now it looks like she’s a shoo-in for at least one award. Anyway, after the gym today, I went antique shopping because my horoscope mentioned something about gifts of love. This place was a few shops over from that store Peron where I bought the George Washington picture — a little place called Minnette’s Antiques. So I bought two items. (“SSS”) Of course, when I was at the Yellow Aster I was kind of hoping and looking for the Holy Grail and I didn’t get one. I mean that free item he gave me is just an old Hamilton Beach blender bottom. But he didn’t charge me anything so it’s sort of symbolic of the Holy Grail. And what was really curious was after finishing recording on that tape side, he told me another story where he was working as a grip on “Fantasy Island” and, (“YOU”) you know, he (Hugh Langtry) built a walkway for Mary Ann Mobley over some mud when no one else would do such a thing and someone compared him to Sir Walter Raleigh. (“AND SHE”) And Mary Ann Mobley said, “You’re not Sir Walter Raleigh — you’re Sir Galahad.” This was at the “Fantasy Island” set at Columbia Ranch. I joked, “Well, we had been talking about the Holy Grail.” (“AND THEN” “HE”) When he mentioned — (“THAT”) she called him Sir Galahad, I asked about that (“AND OF”) and he mentioned that Sir Galahad had been looking for the Holy Grail. And he was going to give this metal container to me free. It wasn’t worth anything and he called it a pilon, an old Jewish (“SHH”) trait. (“TTT” “AND UM”) So, anyway, (“AND THEN I”) I just felt like if I was going to find another antique after finding the Ark of the Covenant, the Declaration of Independence, a George Washington portrait, and “The Last Supper” — what else? (“SSE”) Well, it just seemed liked the Holy Grail would be next. (“TTT”)
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: “THE LAST SUPPER” IS A VERY OLD COPPER PIECE APPROXIMATELY 10″ WIDE AND 5″ HIGH THAT I PURCHASED AT AN ANTIQUE STORE CALLED IRENE’S PLACE AT 3371 GLENDALE BOULEVARD IN THE ATWATER VILLAGE AREA OF LOS ANGELES. IT COST ME $37.88 INCLUDING TAX. THE ‘INDIAN TEMPLE INNER DOOR’ COST $135.33 INCLUDING TAX.)
Q: So I went into this store, Minnette’s. (“SSS”) I looked around and there was something that sort of looked like a grail but not quite. (“BUT”) It was a very unusual piece, much more expensive than I usually like to pay. I think it was $375 and she gave it to me $350 if I paid for it all at one time so with tax it came to $378.88. Joanie, the sales woman, didn’t know what to call it on the (“UH-UH YOU KNOW”) description for my credit card receipt, which is the only receipt they give, so she first put “goblet” but then she tore that up because I mentioned, “Well, I might use it as a candy dish.” So then she wrote down “ster(ling). dish.” So that’s what it says. I said, (“WELL WHY DON’T”) “At this price it’s like the Holy Grail of my collection so why don’t you just put down grail?” And she said, “Oh, no, (“WE HAVE TO”) we always have to put down what they are.” And, frankly, I didn’t know if it was the Holy Grail or not. I just felt like this was the piece I was supposed to buy. So as she was calling in my card to see if it was alright — I have been charging a lot on it recently; oh well, me and one billion other Americans, I’m sure —I was looking at the display counter and remembered my horoscope said “gifts”—plural—”of love” and I noticed they had a lot of Egyptian items. And you don’t really see a lot of Egyptian items at these antique stores. So I only had $66 on me so there was one piece that I could afford and it just so happened to be a silver, round image of someone that looks like me — (“OF”) an Egyptian pharaoh. I don’t know if it’s Bel-Marduk or the God (Amun-)Ra but it looks a little bit like me. (“YEAH”) So I bought this. (“IT WAS”) It just happened to be the same amount of money that I had: $65 cash for the “round silver pin.” It’s been made into a pin. (“I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT” “REA”) It might have been an amulet originally. I don’t know but it looks a little bit like me. So I had two gifts of love — (“JUST”) like my horoscope predicted. And (“THE”) the lady behind the counter was also a Leo. We didn’t go into details. (“AND UM”) I’m very happy. I came home like I always do. And when I get home it’s a quiet time when I like to say a prayer to God and just thank Him for His love and for giving me life. (“FFE”) When I think of all the various aspects of Him and all these sources that I’ve been describing and talking about, it’s sort of easy to forget God is love. Because there are so many aspects of Him and life is so full of different qualities. (“SSS” “BUT”) You have to remember each one of us (“SSS”) wouldn’t have anything if not for Him. We wouldn’t be alive. Everything we have is because of His generosity in giving us life to begin with. Sure, bad things happen to us but at least we’re alive and there’s even the potential to continue being alive after death — if that’s something that seems to be a mutually working relationship like the one that I share with Him. So it’s easy to forget these things and (“DDD”) even when I say them it’s like I wonder (“DOES”) does He know if I’m sincere? Does He think I’m just saying this because I want to be His pet, you know? (“YEAH”) He knows what each one of us is thinking. It’s like that He shares every conscious mind. So (“I”) I think He knows how genuine we are so (“WE”) there’s no fooling Him. And trust me — I know this from some of the things that I’ve heard over the radio, etc. But, anyway, I can’t remember what I talked to my mom about. (“TODAY BUT”) It was about how God can articulate His feelings. I mean He can — (“LIKE LOOK”) what do you expect Him to do? Just have a big lightning bolt come down and say ‘God is angry’? I mean people would laugh. (“HHH”) I mean He could detonate a few nuclear missiles. (“BUT”) People would blame that on the government. I mean (“YOU KNOW IT”) there’s just — you have to read my book. (“KKK” “AND I GUE[SS]”) I don’t know (“IF THIS IS MY SEQUEL”) if what I’m working on now is still my first book. It’s easy to love Him once you know He’s there. (“UH-HUH”) After the tape side ended during my conversation with my brother last night, we spoke some more. Usually I save my more pointed comments for when the recorder is off, like the time I spent one tape (“SI[DE]”) — well, part of one tape side complaining and saying negative things — I just was not in a good mood and I was sort of being — I don’t know what the word is. (“SSS” “I WAS JUST”) I might have been giving the wrong impression so it was obviously (“SSS”) not something that God wanted to go into the book so the battery was too weak to hear anything. So then later when I was describing (“YEAH” “THE EXACT”) the part I could remember — well guess what? That time, the battery too was dead. So the only two times where I had battery problems, it was all dealing with the same subject. So, obviously, I won’t be dealing with that subject. I don’t even remember exactly what I said now. I do remember some things but I don’t think I’ll go into those because I think I’ll have another problem with my battery. I think that my book is very true. (“UH-HUH”) I think these other ‘Messages From Michael’ books — (“ARE”) various aspects of the same truth but not quite so specific. (“CCC” “UM YOU KNOW”) I’ve talked about them before so I don’t need to go into them. Anyway, it’s interesting (“GGG”) because it’s obvious He can do anything so whatever that will entail still remains to be seen. (“NNN”) I remember what I was telling Michael when the tape recorder was off. (“I SA[ID]” “YOU KNOW”) And I don’t really think He is a petty God. I just think that it helps to describe Him as a petty God when no one has considered that aspect of Him before. But you can read that Mark Twain book for that. My book (“IS”) more focuses on the loving aspects. And the situation (“THAT ARE — ARE”) — the problems we have to surmount right now. I was telling Michael, “Well, you should be able to identify better with a petty God than a God of love because of your own relationships.” (“SSS”) Like the time that he — (“ED”) anyway, I don’t need to go into the gory details. (“SSS”) And, (“ANYWAY”) I guess that’s all I have to say for right now. (“WWW”) I do begin therapy on Monday with my new therapist (“TTT”) so I dropped off the first 325 pages of my book (“KKK”) manuscript, case file and the Fortean Times article with the video tape of the show for him. I guess I’ll tape that session on Monday too. But I really plan to get into some of the more difficult questions — and, anyway, it should be very interesting. I don’t know if it’s for publication or not. I don’t know if the battery will work or not. (“TTT”) It’s just something I want to do for myself because I would like to understand my relationship better with the love of my life — I mean I don’t know what to call Him. (“I” “GO[D]”) God — (“IS”) I think that’s too lofty a figure. Mighael is too (“RE”) overused. (“I MEAN EVERY”) Everyone’s named Michael, just about. Angel? I haven’t seen any feathers yet. Alien? Yuck. (“KKK”) Poltergeist? Anyway. (“LET ME JUST”) Really quick, He is the love of my life and I don’t know what He is. I think He’s a Spirit. A beautiful Holy Spirit. (“BUT”) I don’t know what to call Him. Love. Love. All I can say is love incarnate. I’m coming to the end of the (“SI”) side. And I (“MMM”) — here with my Holy Grail and my Ark of the Covenant and my Last Supper (“AAA[ND]”) and all my gifts of love and, hopefully, people will have the same love that I feel once they’ve read my book. (“KKK”) I hope they do. Or just half of the love I feel. (“BECAUSE THEN”) Maybe that will make God feel better about Himself and He’ll be nicer to everyone. And (“YOU CAN”) can you imagine all the wonderful things that might be happening in the world once we start channeling love to Him because then He’ll start channeling love back to us. And I can just imagine all the wonderful things that life would have in store for everyone once that were to happen. (“SO”) It’s just a matter of the same old thing. If you can believe without seeing. (“NGG”) I’ve only seen little parlor (“TR”) tricks like everyone else and I totally believe. (“SO”) It’s up to you. It’s like these are the questions I keep having to ask. (“KKK”) I just think that if everyone can just channel love to each other then I think that God will be happier.
