JOURNAL — TAPE #38, SIDE #2
Q: Mark Russell Bell
Q: (speaking into tape recorder) So I looked up Holy Grail in my Columbia Viking Desk Encyclopedia just to see if there’s any possibility that this might be the Holy Grail because (“YOU KNOW”) — I mean it was hard to describe (“AN”) if it was a goblet or a dish. Maybe it isn’t the original Holy Grail (“BECAUSE I DON’T”) because it does have a sterling silver engraving 94(%) on it. (“SO”) I don’t know if that — (“IF THE”) it looks much older than that, though. So I think that obviously some jeweler could have put that there after acquiring it. Because it seems like it’s from Europe and it’s very, very old. (“BUT IT”) You can’t really tell if it looks like a goblet, a dish or what. (“TTT” “SO ANYWAY”) So, anyway, I looked up Holy Grail and this is what it says:
Grail, Holy, a feature of medieval legend and literature. Appears variously as a chalice, cup, or dish and sometimes as a stone or caldron into which a bleeding lance drips blood. Identified by Christians as chalice of the Last Supper. It would be revealed only to a pure knight; Grail Quest appears in different stories. In Arthurian legend purest knight is variously Parsifal or Galahad. Legend has features of Christian story, Celtic myth, and ancient fertility cults.
Q: Well. (“LLL”) I don’t know which one is the truest one. (“NNN” “BUT”) This looks like (“KKK”) — I mean this fits the description of that. (“YOU KNOW IT”) It could be a chalice or cup or dish. Variously, (“IT’S LIKE”) it could be any one of those things. So that’s interesting. (“UM”) I definitely was questing for it. Because it just felt like that was the next item on my list. Anyway, it’s interesting to think about. It does say sterling silver and “94” but I think some jeweler just put that on because of the grape symbol. The grapes — (“AROUND YOU KNOW”) it’s very old and it’s got little silver pearls too — (“SO IT’S GOT UM”) Grapes and pearls right at the top of the stem. And, of course, going to one of my books on symbols, I’ll look up grape real quick. (“YEAH”) It says:
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: THE FOLLOWING APPEARS IN SAINTS, SIGNS, AND SYMBOLS BY W. ELLWOOD POST UNDER THE CHAPTER “FLOWERS, FRUITS, TREES”.)
15. GRAPES—With wheat, generally denotes the Eucharistic wine.
Q: And then, on another page, it just says:
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: THE FOLLOWING APPEARS IN SAINTS, SIGNS, AND SYMBOLS BY W. ELLWOOD POST UNDER THE CHAPTER “OLD TESTAMENT”.)
CLUSTER OF GRAPES AND STAFF(The Entry into Canaan)
Q: So grapes basically are very symbolic so I can see that the Holy Grail would have grapes on it (“TTT”) like this one has. (“BUT YOU KNOW” “THIS”) I can’t imagine this going to auction because who in the world would ever be able to determine if this was in fact the Holy Grail? I mean I think my Declaration of Independence will be able to be determined as authentic once this insane budget crisis comes to an end. I mean this is the worst catastrophe I can imagine because not only did the Congress and the President take an oath that they would work together, they’re not even trying. All I know is that right now if it was election time I would vote them all out of office period. Period. They fucked up. (“PPP”) They’re out. They had their chance. They screwed up and we’re paying for it. They’re all out on their ass. That’s what New Age Jesus is saying, anyway. Not that anyone cares. (“SO”) So — okay enough diatribe. I’m nice again. (“NNN”) Anyway, so once this budget crisis is over I am going to (“SSS”) send my slides to the curator at Independence Hall. (“AND I JUST” “I WONDER WHAT”) I wonder if that (“WOULD”) will make people more apt to believe that I have the Ark of the Covenant or less apt because the odds are one in much more than a million of me having the Declaration of Independence but the fact that I also have all these other items — I mean do the odds go up when you have an item like that or do they go down? And now I have a potential Holy Grail. (“LLL”) And I don’t know what this piece is from India. If it is even from India. (“AAA”) But I’m sure it’s something. (“UH-HUH”) I’m just sure.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: RADIO MUSIC CAN BE HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND DURING THIS PART OF TAPE.)
Q: I just realized something. When I finish talking into my tape recorder and turn off the tape recorder, sometimes I just laugh. I mean it’s funny. I mean when you think of the things I say. I mean it’s hilarious. (“YEAH”) Don’t you think so? I wonder what song this is? I just turned on the radio. I don’t know what this song is. Anyway, again (“NNN”) — my life is so interesting. (“YEAH”) It’s like my book is the tip of the iceberg. (“YEAH”) So I guess my next time that I’ll tape record — oh, I’ll bring you along with me when I go to the (“PHILOS”) Philosophical Research Society on Sunday when the astrologer is there. If I have an opportunity (“T[O] — TO”) to talk to her or ask a question, I’ll record it on tape. Also, maybe at Timothy Fielding’s. He’s doing some more photography for (“ME”) tomorrow so maybe I’ll do a quick interview with him as well. And let’s see, what else? What other opportunities are coming up? Well, you never know. You know how sneaky I am. Even though I’m not getting (“ANY”) any phone calls at all (“THE[SE]”) these days. I mean from nobody. It’s like the CIA is screening my calls or something. I mean I’m just not getting any calls. Oh, I know. Carol Andersen is going to come by tomorrow so maybe I’ll do a quick interview with her. (“RRR”) Now I’m curious to see what this song title is. (“SSS”) So let me wait a moment and see what the song title is. I think it’s finishing now. But I’ll try to find out. (“WHAT YOU KNOW” “IT’S VERY” “I FEEL GOOD”)
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: THE SONG IS “THE WALK OF LIFE” PERFORMED BY DIRE STRAITS.)
Q: So now the song is “Sowing the Seeds of Love” by Tears for Fears. (“SSS”) Anyway, today I was listening to another song that I thought was very good. For all the people who like (“KKK”) symbolism, I was listening to Don McLean’s “Headroom” CD and (“THERE’S”) two songs at the end I especially like: (“DDD”) “Siamese Twins (Joined At The Heart)” and “A Brand New World.” (“DDD”) Why wasn’t this CD a big hit? I mean there’s so much garbage out there. I don’t understand it. (“UHH”) Anyway, you know, I’m not totally convinced the CIA is tracking me and listening to my telephone conversations and has my car bugged. It’s just a possibility. The other possibility, of course, is that Mighael wants me to think the CIA is doing all these things. For example, the time that I became convinced that William was a member of the Secret Service was because my horoscope that day said ‘a secret service agent will ask you for advice’ today. (“YYY”) So I thought, “My God, that’s so specific. That has to be pertinent to my case.” So all day long — I went to the Beverly Center and bought some rubber stamps for my Christmas cards — I was thinking, “My God, what if a CIA agent comes up to me and asks me something? (“THE”) He might really have something interesting to say. But no one ever asked me anything and then I remembered in the early part of the day, William called me to ask me some questions about the (“KA”) approaching test for the Hotline. (“AND THERE WAS”) It’s the only time I think he’s ever called me and it just happened to be on the same day. (“ANYWAY I” “I BEGAN TO”) That’s when I began thinking that he was a member of the CIA. And now he’s employed at the Hotline. (“SO”) I mean that would be a major undercover job. I mean to actually be employed somewhere. Anyway, it’s strange. (“BUT”) Even if he’s not a member of the CIA, he’s really a nice guy and I really like him. It might have been just Mighael making me think that. And — (“IT’S JUST LIKE” “UH”) like the painting I gave to my therapist. I think that maybe everyone considered delusional or schizophrenic throughout history might have been that way because of God. I mean He might have been talking to them like He has to members of the family in Oklahoma. (“YOU KNOW”) Sometimes people hear Him and sometimes people don’t hear Him. I mean He can do things like that for whatever purposes that He wants. Maybe just to make life interesting. I don’t know. Like that stalker who was after Madonna. I mean that message sounded like something Mighael would do as a joke. (“KKK”) Anyway, it was a funny note. It was funny. Anyway, she does have a (“RELI”) religious name: Madonna. Anyway, (“YEAH”) it’s just too much. I mean He really does have a perverse (“SITU” “SSS”) sense of humor. So I don’t know if the CIA is following me or not. (“I”) It’s possible. Or it might just be (“PE”) people acting like they’re CIA agents. (“TO MAKE ME THINK THAT THEY”) Mighael might me making them do things to make me think they’re CIA agents. (“LIKE”) Once I held a door open for a lady at the laundromat and she almost (“LIKE”) wanted to turn around. I mean just little things to make me think that I’m being observed. Once when I was turning left onto the street going to Michael’s house, this red sports car almost had an accident (“IT WAS SO”) It was following me so closely. (“YEAH”) I remember because (“THE”) the people in the car were watching me very intently as I was on my way to Michael’s house. And I was turning and I started brushing my hair and for some reason that (“SORT OF”) — I remember I was listening to Enigma at the time. I don’t know — (“THEY JUST”) they just seemed very surprised about something.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: PRIOR TO THE INCIDENT IN THE INTERSECTION, I HAD NOTICED THE CAR FOLLOWING ME AND THE TWO MEN INSIDE IT HAD MUSCULAR BUILDS, SHIRT HAIR, SUITS AND DARK GLASSES. I BEGAN SPEEDING TO SEE IF THEY WOULD ATTEMPT TO FOLLOW AND THEY DID. ONE OF THE MEN WAS BLACK AND I THINK I SAW HIM A SHORT TIME LATER WHEN I STOPPED BY THE MAYFAIR MARKET FOR SOME GROCERIES. HE CAME RUNNING INTO THE STORE, SAW ME AT THE CHECK-OUT COUNTER AND PAUSED NEAR THE ENTRANCE. I THINK HE THEN BEGAN PRETENDING TO MAKE A PHONE CALL (WITHOUT DIALING). THAT WAS WHEN ONE OF THE STORE EMPLOYEES BEGAN ASKING WHO HAD LEFT THE HEAVY PACKAGE OF FIREWOOD NEAR THE CASH REGISTER WHERE I WAS STANDING.)
Q: I don’t know. (“IT JUST”) Who knows? But it’s something to think about. Maybe everybody throughout history who has been considered delusional or schizophrenic is that way or was that way because of Mighael. It’s something to think about. (“I”) When I was doing this painting, I didn’t know I was going to give it to my therapist at the time but I thought it was (“AS IF”) a fitting (“GO”) good-bye present.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: THE SONG PLAYING ON THE RADIO IN THE BACKGROUND ON THIS PORTION OF THE TAPE IS “LADDER” BY JOAN OSBORNE. I TURN ON THE TAPE RECORDER AGAIN LATER THAT FRIDAY NIGHT.)
Q: I wasn’t going to speak into the tape recorder any more this evening. (“BUT”) I feel very warm. I’m transcribing as I usually do at this time when I don’t have any other appointments. But this morning I was transcribing tape #26, side #1, which has a lot of spirit voices, and one of the messages was “I WANT YOU TO DRINK YOUR BLOOD.” Well, that sort of took me by surprise. So I thought it over a little while and I decided maybe it was symbolic or maybe something else is going on. I don’t really know. (“BUT”) After all that’s happened, at least I had to make an attempt to fulfill the request. (“I MEAN”) What would you do? So after a long process of — it’s very hard to draw blood from yourself because you really don’t know where to “PRICK,” which is one of the messages that I’ve heard repeatedly on the tapes. But I finally figured out a way to get a little bit of blood (“AND”) into my glass. Now it was funny. When I went to get some water from my refrigerator, the lemonade that I had fell out so I thought, “Well, hmm, maybe Mighael wants me to drink the rest of my lemonade and mix my blood in that. (“SO”) So that’s what I did. This is getting to be more and more like a science fiction movie (“OR”) or whatever. So, anyway, it took me a long time because I’m not one to enjoy “PRICK”-ing oneself. Even though, in all honesty, all my life I’ve gotten these very strange — I don’t even know what they’re called. They’re like boils. Anyway, (“AND”) they say you’re supposed to lance them. (“YOU KNOW”) Remember that infected cyst I had? That was really strange because it was so big. Right below my (“YOU KNOW”) chin (“IT WAS RIGHT ON”) in my throat area on the left hand side. So I don’t know what’s going on but I feel very strange. I feel very warm and I have more energy. And I just wonder — (“I MEAN”) considering my genetic make-up, my blood — anyway, it’s like (“YOU KNOW”) everyone’s blood is a mixture of all of their ancestors. And so everyone has (“A”) a different blood in terms of the absolute structure and not so much just the blood type. (“AND UM”) But it’s not just a matter of blood because Michael, my twin brother, has the same blood I do. Of course, he doesn’t have tapes telling him to drink his own blood either. So (“ANYWAY”) this is a case study so I’m putting it down here because it may be important to the case. In all honesty, I am quite squeamish so I didn’t really get much blood into the glass because (“YOU KNOW I”) I (“I JUST”) pricked myself just a little, little teeny bit and it was hard getting any blood out. (“SO”) I just sort of (“GOT IT”) dabbed some on my finger and stirred that into my cup. (“YOU KNOW”) It really was gross. Really gross. (“BUT”) If you were in my predicament, wouldn’t you do what you were told unless it was something really — like I would never kill myself or something. I would just think that was (“AN”) an evil voice on the tape. (“BUT” “WHEN SOME” “BUT YOU KNOW”) Drinking a little bit of your own blood is no big deal. (“LLL”) Even though I must say I have these laser discs and one of my laser discs is the movie “Suspiria” and in that one there were invisible witches. I remember reading something else — (“ABOUT”) was it Aleister Crowley —— the one who lived near Loch Ness where I once visited? Apparently, one of his writings was (“THAT IT”) witches could turn invisible if they drank blood but I think it was from a virgin or a baby. I don’t know. (“BUT”) Witchcraft and blood and invisibility — (“YEAH”) it’s too confusing and complicated for me to figure out. But somehow the mystery is getting even bigger (“UH-HUH”) as I speak. (“UH-HUH”) And I’ve been very thirsty this evening. I’m drinking some grape juice and I’ve already had some milk. In fact, when I came back from Oklahoma I made it a point of drinking large quantities of milk. I don’t know how it relates but I remember that the Bell Witch would always clean out the family’s milk supply. And then there was the miraculous drinking of milk in India. I knew that — for whatever magic was going on — (“BECAUSE”) the stealing of milk has always been part of (“FFF”) the witchcraft legends. Anyway, let’s just say (“YEAH”) all my life I’ve always drank a lot of milk. In fact, I would always do something very strange that most people don’t do. I always put ice cubes in my milk and this is just something (“THE”) intuitive. It comes out of my subconscious. Why I do this I don’t know. In fact, I always put ice in everything I drink. (“NO”) It’s just part of the case and this is a case study so maybe (“UH-HUH”) scientific minds will get something useful out of it when they read this.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: ALSO, WHEN I WAS IN THE ALHAMBRA MENTAL FACILITY, OTHER INMATES KEPT ENCOURAGING ME TO DRINK MILK. IT WAS THE ONLY LIQUID THAT I KNEW WASN’T DRUGGED YET IT WAS ONLY AVAILABLE AT BREAKFAST AND SNACK TIMES. AT THE TIME OF EDITING OCTOBER 4TH I CAN ADD THAT I NOW ONLY DRINK GOAT’S MILK AND THIS IS USUALLY RELEGATED TO MY COFFEE AND BREAKFAST CEREAL. THIS IS BASED ON THE ADVICE OF MY NUTRITIONIST/IRIDOLOGIST. I AM QUITE CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT DRUGS HAVE DONE TO THE WORLD’S LIVESTOCK.)
Q: I have another observation to make. This is very strange. For the last ten minutes I’ve been trying to distinguish a sentence. So finally I took a break and that’s when I taped the last message into my tape recorder. (“AND THEN”) Right after that I went to my machine and I (“TURNED ON THE”) turned on the voice processor and I could instantly hear it clearly. (“SO”) Now I’m beginning to wonder — sometimes it is harder for me to transcribe than other times so maybe it’s that I’m trying to work too quickly in regard to Mighael’s schedule in completing my book so He slows me down sometimes. I am a little impatient and hurried. (“I — IT’S LIKE I”) I just (“WANT TO”) — I’d rather (“SSS”) get it done sooner than later, if you know what I mean. It is a very important message and I feel like there is a lot of responsibility. But on the other hand maybe He has His own time schedule. Perhaps, it was important for me tonight to make some of those observations. It’s too (“COM”) complex for me to really figure out. But I will say I could just make out that sentence very easily suddenly and I’ve noticed that a few times in the past while transcribing. Sometimes when I have a problem with something I get frustrated and maybe do something else — (“LIKE” “AND THEN LATE”) like take a nap or something. And then I can hear it fine afterwards, so there’s so many different ways that Mighael is helping me and setting my schedule for me. I know, for example — I don’t know how I got this message. (“BUT”) I was reading a poem or reading my horoscope or something and it said, “Take time for nature.” And it’s something I haven’t been doing and I want to do it so I’m going to try to do that this weekend too. I am going to go to a movie with Fiona on Tuesday so that’s good. I like to be doing normal things. It’s really important under the circumstances. (“BUT”) Anyway, it’s a very fascinating case so I just want to get as much documented (“IN MY”) — my microcassettes as possible. (“SO”) To give a complete view of the mystery. (“YYY”) By the way, one of the books that I received for Christmas was Love, Love, Love by Andy Warhol. (“LLL”) And if you notice, early in the book across from the words “And then, my dear, it was like a storybook fairy tale” (“LLE”) — there’s a picture that looks just like my Ark of the Covenant. A picture that Andy Warhol drew. Not just like but close enough. Anyway, there are lots of hearts and angels in this book.
( . . . )
Q: Well Michael just called me. I guess I should have taped it. But, anyway, I told him I’d been shopping for antiques and when he said, “What did you buy?” I said, “Give a wild guess. I bet you can figure it out.” And he immediately said, “The Holy Grail.” So I guess it isn’t so surprising under the circumstances. (“UH-HUH”)
( . . . )
Q: Well, I was transcribing and I heard one word that would strike fear into anybody’s heart who owns stocks: the word “SELL.” I played it a few times and I thought it might be saying ‘excel’ but the more I played it the more certain it seemed that it really was saying “SELL.” Of course, with President Clinton and Congress continuing their fight over the federal budget I don’t think it’s really going to help the stock market in the short or long term. So, better to be safe than sorry, I just sold the few stocks that I have remaining. (“I MEAN I’M NOT REALLY”) I haven’t been playing the stock market since (“YOU KNOW”) the ups and downs of the summer. For the most part I got out of the stock market then and just kept a few bellwether stocks like Intel and Echo Bay Mines. Anyway, I’m getting out now while the getting is good. And I can see that the tape is coming to the end again so I’ll just continue on stream-of-consciousness through the end of the tape. Well, I’m looking at the Los Angeles Reader in front of me and I see (“THAT”) this critic’s top ten list includes “Babe.” (“AND”) I think that’s an interesting choice because it’s about a talking animal. And there are all kinds of talking animals in my book and in the original Bell Witch (“UM-HUH”) case. So, let me just turn real quick to (“HIS”) his top ten list and see what else is on it. (“UH-HUH”) Not that I’ve seen any of these movies. (“OKAY” “UM”) Andy Klein says, “It’s worth noting that all the kids’ films on my list address similar subjects. ‘Babe”s little introduction about the theology of the slaughterhouse is echoed in ‘Toy Story”s vending machine puffballs’ blind faith in their deliverance. The prickly subject of specialness and individuality crops up again in ‘Toy Story,’ ‘A Little Princess’ and ‘The City of Lost Children.’ But director Chris Noonan and producer/co-writer George Miller have increased the emotional impact of their tale by linking Babe’s fate to that of Farmer Hoggett. Babe may risk looking ridiculous at the sheepdog competition but Hoggett has even more at stake. A pig can afford to look ridiculous but Hoggett needs confirmation that he is not, as his blindered wife suspects, losing his mind. While we never really doubt the outcome, Noonan through writing and direction, at least as much as through technical (“WIZARD”) wizardry, makes Babe’s triumph simultaneously hilarious and deeply moving.” On page eight, it says that maybe it was the subliminal influence of the Chinese calendar. This really was the year of the pig after all. (“SO”) There were several films that appeared that had pigs in them, which reminds me of that other film that I saw about the fashion designer. In it there were three different fashion designers who all had the same idea of having Eskimo-inspired fashions in their big show.