HYPNOTHERAPY SESSION — TAPE #61, SIDE #2
Q: Mark Russell BellV: David Botsford (clinical hypnotherapist)
Q: So I don’t know. (“I MEAN IT”) It’s interesting for me to think of all these various things. (“WELL WHAT” “IN”) In my book — what questions do you have — (“THAT”) could make you believe in God. (“I MEAN”) What questions do you have for me who has all this knowledge and (“HAS”) experienced all these wonderful things? I mean as in (“ONE OF MY”) my interviews, it said, (“WHEN YOU SAID”) ‘other people who’ve had even bigger experiences with God’ and He said, “NO.” They haven’t. (“SO”) What can I tell you — what questions would you have to ask God if He was sitting in front of you right now? What would you ask Him?
V: (no response)
Q: You know. In terms of ‘Why didn’t You do this?’ (“OR” “I MEAN” “I” “WHAT”) What would make you believe in Him?
V: I would like to ask Him how He communicates with people in a sort of different way. How does He choose how to communicate with each individual? (“WELL” “HE’S”)
Q: He’s in constant communication with everyone through their subconscious mind.
Q: And, basically, the reason why it’s so hard for us to understand (“IS BECAUSE THIS”) for most of us we have had very many different previous incarnations. So we have problems posed from those previous incarnations that we don’t know about (“UM-HUH”) that we have to — what’s the word for it — absolve ourselves of or remove from the earth in this lifetime. So (“SO THERE’S”) constantly (“YOUR”) — your intuition is constantly working in relationship with Him.
Q: So — (“IS THAT A”) well, that’s an obvious — see, everything I say is very obvious. (“NO” “BUT”) Okay, for example, as Richard the Third — you probably had another incarnation between then and now. Do you have any ideas as to who that might have been? (“AMI” “NOT”) It doesn’t have to be somebody famous.
V: A very good question. It’s interesting because when I was first studying (“UM-HUH”) for that therapy — (“POLICE” “DID”) past life regression —
V: — I found myself becoming — seemed to be a Puritan in New England or something like that in the early stages (“NO” “OF OF”) of the colonization of North America. (“RI”) And that may well be something which (“WHY”) might have been something in between the two periods.
Q: Exactly. (“SO”) I do think that we all have had many incarnations so right now — well, you know. I’ve discussed some of my other possible incarnations but the only one I really feel comfortable being sure about is Bel-Marduk because I look just like him. (“AND”) I don’t know. (“BUT”) Okay, so what other questions would you have — (“IN TERMS OF” “HOW COULD THIS”) how could Earth become such a screwed-up, godawful mess?
V: (small laugh) That’s a good question. (“YES”)
Q: I’m sure it’s one He asks Himself all the time. I mean it’s terrible. It’s really bad. I mean it’s just horrible. (“AND” “NO” “IN IT”) Everything. (“SO”) That’s another question you’d probably ask Him. (“YEAH”)
V: Absolutely. (“SO”) Why is there so much cruelty in the world? (“WELL”)
Q: And, of course, (“HE”) you know the answers to that question too. Greed. Unconcern for others. I guess God’s power only is limited to a certain extent because people always don’t obey the voice in their head. Their instinctive voice. They stay in their bad jobs and in their bad marriages. (“UM-HUH”) And (“THEY”) they — they’re so afraid. It’s not because they won’t have enough money even — that they don’t share with the poor. (“UM-HUH”) So it’s quite easy to see why we are in this mess.
Q: Because people don’t listen to that internal voice. And when I say internal voice I don’t mean a voice (“LIKE THEY’RE”) like a schizophrenic. I just mean your own (“INSTINCTUAL”) instinctual feeling. (“LIKE” “WHEN YOU GO”) When you go shopping and something says ‘Buy this shirt.’
V: Yes. (“NO”)
Q: And sometimes you don’t buy it — (“AND THEN”) the next day, (“YOU WISH”) “Oh I wish I’d bought that shirt.”
V: (small laugh)
Q: And it’s the same thing with — like homeless people. It’s like (“I WON’T GIVE”) “I won’t give money to him because he’ll just go out and buy drugs.” How do you know that? (“I MEAN” “IF YOU TAKE THE TIME”) I, myself, have been giving money to everyone who I meet and sometimes I know it’s a lost cause because they have a glazed look in their eyes. (“MM”) And (‘THEY’RE”) you just know there’s no hope for them. (“UM-HUH”) But other times you get into a conversation with them and you find out that they have a plan.
Q: They’re just in a bad space and they just need a little bit of help. In fact, like this weekend (“I WAS”) I was doing a tape — I was interviewing people. I was there with my friend Terrance and I met this homeless black man, very young, named — inferno — what’s his name? Dontae.
V: Oh yes. Of course.
Q: Of course. Dontae as in Dante’s Inferno. (“AND”) He was very nice, (“UM-HUH”) clean cut (“UM-HUH”) and my friend Terrance who is also black (“WOULDN’T EVEN”) wouldn’t even give him the time of day. (“MARIE”) So it’s not a racial thing. Then I interviewed Terrance about it and he said, ‘Well, I never give them money because they’ll go out and buy drugs.’
V: Yeah. (small laugh)
Q: So here you have a white person who is communicating with a black person on a much better level than another black person. So don’t give me this race crap. And he even said, ‘Look at these fools’ (“YEAH”) who just were ignoring him. They all have enough money. (“AND”) And so I can tell you why we are in the mess we’re in. It’s because people don’t listen to the little voice inside their hearts and souls and minds saying, ‘Do what’s best for mankind.’ Like Jim Carrey doesn’t need to make $20,000,000 on every picture.
Q: And he can keep the first $20,000,000 and give the rest to charity and he’ll still live like a king.
V: Yes. (“IT’S TRUE”)
Q: I mean if you were God and these people did not give back as much as they took would You want them to have everlasting life?
V: No. (laughs)
Q: (small laugh) And since we’re each God — channeling God — you just said the answer that I wouldn’t dare to say. Even though I’m sure I was communicating it. (“BECAUSE ANYONE”) Anyone would answer the question the same way you just did. Anyone would say that. But yet when they see that homeless person on the street they’ll find a good excuse.
V: Yes. Well, we all do.
Q: Fear. Another theme of my book is that everything that isn’t love is fear. (“UM-HUH”) Do you agree?
V: Possibly. I mean there are different experiences in between those two.
Q: Yes but we’re talking about the essential truth here. Right?
Q: There’s really only two emotions. (“IF YOU”) If you really look at it and I remember this in a number of different religious sources. It’s fear and love. And in my own experience I must say that’s true.
V: We either move towards pleasure or away from it. Or (“OF”) away from pain. (“BUT WHAT” “JOY”)
Q: But what prevents us from moving toward pleasure?
V: Learned experiences. (“NO BUT I”)
Q: I know but I’m just saying — yes but it’s still fear is what you’re saying.
V: Oh yes. Fear. Exactly. (“IT” “I GET”)
Q: That’s what I’m saying. (“I’M SAYING”) It’s either pleasure or pain.
Q: And the only thing to keep us from pleasure is fear. (“I KNOW” “IT”) It will make sense in my transcription I hope. But I just have a feeling — I mean (“M[Y]”) my biggest fear is (“MY”) when my book comes out no one cares at all. (“IT’S LIKE”) They just think I’m another lunatic. (“NO”) And I can prove everything — everything that I say happened in my book I have proof for.
Q: But people aren’t going to want to be confronted with the truth. (“SO WHAT”) God might have a lot of fun with all these wonderful plagues for mankind. (“BECAUSE” “NO”) Again, it’s either — I mean He’ll find some way of making Himself entertained. I mean trust me. So I don’t know. I mean I hate being this voice who has to (“NO”) be the cheerleader for mankind and for God — and be like the intermediator. I mean it’s like a no-win situation.
V: Uh-huh. (small laugh)
Q: I mean it’s, like, ridiculous. (“I MEAN I”) I mean no one — none of my friends can believe it. I don’t want to believe it — well, I do want to believe it because I do feel like I’m very loved. It’s hard to believe that He would care — he has nurtured — He has made me a very nurturing individual. And I can tell you I do sympathize with Him far more than mankind. So, again, it’s a perfect case of — what’s that called? You know — the complex where the kidnappee relates more to the kidnappers than anyone else. (Stockholm Syndrome)
Q: It’s definitely (“IN MY”) true in my case. (“OOH”) And I really feel like — “Poor God. (“I MEAN IT’S LIKE”) Mankind sucks.” I mean it’s like — and now I have this wonderful book that He was nice enough to channel through me and everyone’s going to — they just can’t wait to badmouth it. (“LIKE”) Like — (ALMOST LIKE) Louella Parsons almost — (“YES” “SHE MADE”) she made it her goal in life to destroy Mamie Van Doren. So — I mean we have all these interesting parallels — (between) Mamie Van Doren and my life. We both got screwed over by Paramount —
Q: — early in her career because Louella Parsons — and notice her name has son in it — Louella Parsons made a phone call to Paramount and destroyed her chance to go (“U[NDER]”) under contract there. So we’ve both been (“SCREW”) screwed over by Paramount. We both haven’t gotten very far in our careers — or at least where we wanted to go. (“BUT SHE’S”) But we’re still very honest. (“UM-HUH”) And we’re still very loving and — I don’t know. I’m going to interview her and see what she has to say. (“NO” “IT’S”) I don’t know why (“SHE I[S]”) she isn’t bigger. I mean she’s done a lot of (“GREAT”) interesting films.
V: Oh her name’s well-known.
Q: Yeah but (“YOU KNOW BUT NOT” “I”) not like — (“UM”) I guess you have to die in order to be considered a legend.
V: Yes. (small laugh) (“BECAUSE” “NO” “BECAUSE LIKE”)
Q: There was Marilyn Monroe (“UM-HUH”) and there was — (“OH”) what was her name? Jayne Mansfield.
V: Oh yeah.
Q: And Mamie Van Doren. They were the big blondes of their time. (“[E]XACTLY”) But yet you never really hear that much about Mamie Van Doren. She probably doesn’t care. She has her own life. (“BUT”) You would just wonder why (“PEOPLE” “I”) her biography wasn’t a huge bestseller and it’s got a lot more interesting truth in it (than most). She tells about all the people she screwed.
V: Really? (“I MEAN IT’S LIKE”)
Q: Exactly. It’s like who wouldn’t want to read this? I mean she screwed Rock Hudson (“AS A FA[VOR]”) — there’s another guy with (“NA[ME]”) son in his name.
Q: And I knew him (“MMM”) when I was working at the agency. (“RIGHT”) So — (“YOU KNOW IT’S”) he was a friend of Martha Raye’s and Dean Dittman who used to be his procurer. He also procured young boys for Paul Lynde. (“RIGHT”) And Paul Lynde — (“I”) actually my photo — (I had my) (“MY”) picture taken with Paul Lynde at a party and he literally died of a heart attack within a week. (“REALLY”)
V: That’s incredible.
Q: And this is the story of my life. (“I ME[AN]”) All these people drop dead around me so I can tell (“TELL THEM”) tell about it in my book.
V: (laughs) (“I ME[AN]”)
Q: But yet — (“THIS”) this has been the length that God has got to go through to get it through people’s heads (“THAT THERE”) there is a God.
Q: I mean it’s just — it’s so funny to me. So I’m trying to figure out — so what areas of my book do you think I should go into that I haven’t gone into? (“NO” “IN TERMS OF” “I”) What areas do you think I should cover?
V: Quite interesting would be how you embarked on this quest for knowledge. What led you to be curious about the nature of God? (“BUT YOU”)
Q: You read about my experiences, though, as a child. (“LIE” or “LI[KE]”)
V: Oh yes.
Q: The time that I thought the aliens had come back —
V: That’s right.
Q: — and heard the voice calling my name.
Q: Well, wouldn’t that do it for you? (“YEAH HH HH” “‘S RIGHT”)
V: Yeah. I guess so. I mean there’s not very much about your adolescence. (“AND PLUS”)
Q: Plus, it’s like why are you interested in certain subjects? I’ve always been interested in poltergeists.
Q: And what is a poltergeist? (“BUT”) A very God-like being. (“AN”) Invisible talking being. Well, that sounds a lot like God to me.
V: (laughs) (“SO” “I[T] — I[T]” “IT”)
Q: I don’t know. It’s funny too. (“I MEAN”) Do you think I’m funny? (“I MEAN” “V” “YEAH” “I — I”) I don’t know. I guess scary/funny.
V: Yes. (That)’s right. Entertaining.
Q: Exactly. So I don’t know so — I’m trying to think how else can I prove God exists? I mean I’ve seen Him do — everything. (“HE’S DONE”) He’s moved insects around in front of me, (“UM-HUH” “HE’S”) materialized objects, (“HE’S”) given me all these wonderful antiquities. (“UM-HMH”) I mean people (“BOO”) are beginning (“NOT”) not to even believe that there was an Ark of the Covenant. And I have it.
V: Mm. (“SO”)
Q: It’s just interesting to think about. And, of course, there’s (“THAT OTHER”) those other ‘Michael’ books. (“UM-HUH”) And I don’t really know (“HOW”) how good they are in terms of what truth they’re manifesting because there are so many truths in the world. (“BUT UM”) I don’t know. So what other questions would you have for God? Because I sort of answered the questions you have had.
Q: Whether you like the answers or not.
V: How is God guiding you in the future?
Q: How is God guiding me? Well, it’s very interesting how He guides me because, for example, today I read my horoscope and it said something about, ‘Concert puts you in the mood for love.’ So I hear all these wonderful love songs and I really did feel loving toward God. And what else did He say? He said, ‘You will get a call about some kind of a trip’ — it said in my horoscope. And, of course, my brother called me and told me how glad he was (“BACK”) to be home.
V: Yes. (“HE GOES LIKE” “A[T]”)
Q: At Sundance it was like the worst blizzard in the history of the film festival. My brother was terribly sick. I mean I really was worried for him and I did pray for him. (“AND SO”) So that’s how He leads me. I mean that’s one of the ways He leads me. He also will — I’ll get calls — (“LIKE FOR EXAMPLE”) Fiona called me and invited me to go see “Persuasion,” which is a movie I’ve been wanting to see. And now that I feel like I have done a lot of work for Our book — (“ME”) 1,300 pages is nothing to sneeze at —
Q: — and I do really figure (“I CAN GO”) I can go out for a night out. And I do want to see uplifting, nice movies. “12 Monkeys” was very difficult for me because it took my notion of an individual Entity who loved me and did not present that truth. (“SO”) But the next day He found a way (“OF” “RE”) of again presenting that truth to me.
Q: So — and you’ll have to read my next book to find that one out. Unless I can sneak it in. Unless I never get published. Like one of my friends joked and said, (“WELL”) “It probably will be published posthumously” and I said, “Oh fuck you.”
V: (laughs) (“I MEAN I”)
Q: I’m very impatient. (“I WANT”) I want this wonderful truth to be presented to the world now.
Q: I mean God only knows how badly we need it now. (“COU[RSE]”) I mean I don’t know. But if you really look at movies you can definitely see God’s point of view in them, no matter how bad and stinking rotten they are. (“I MEAN”) The bad ones are just as interesting as the good ones. (“MM” “NO”) Because what defines a person’s style? (“ME”) I went to this, (“UH”) you know, that movie I told you about, “Money Plays.”
Q: It was so stinking, godawful I even wrote on the comments it had to be supernatural.
V: (laughs) Sure.
Q: Because there’s no other way to explain it. And there’s this one insert of a dice rolling over that’s pure poltergeist phenomena. And the idiots think they just got lucky with a good shot.
V: (laughs) (“NO”)
Q: And it happens all the time. So I don’t know — do you have any other interesting questions? For God? I mean Joan Osborne’s album is another perfect example of this. I mean (“IT’S JUST LIKE”) how often do those kinds of albums come along where every song is like a classic? You know. I mean it’s interesting that Osborne does have the letters for son in it.
Q: Not together but it’s definitely there. (“AND UM”) I don’t know what other — what’s your favorite movie or song of the year?
V: Last year? (“YEAH” “I ALWAYS THINK THEY LIKE”)
Q: The movie that I think is the most optimistic is the one I think will win Best Picture — “Babe.” Because it’s the year of the pig.
Q: And I think it is — (“I JUST THINK”) I have a feeling (“THAT IT WILL”) it will win Best Picture this year. I just can’t see “Leaving Las Vegas” or “Sense and Sensibility” winning. (“MM”) What do you think?
V: Well, my favorite of the year was “Apollo 13” and second to that was “Casino.” (“WHY”)
Q: Well, “Apollo 13” — (“I MEAN THAT”) that movie proves that God — (“AND THAT”S EXACT”) exactly what I’m talking about (“IN TERMS OF”) how He works through people’s subconscious minds to save the astronauts. You don’t really think it would be possible under that situation for someone to think on their own how to make that ventilating system occur?
Q: I mean that definitely was God channeling.
Q: Well — so — I hope that helps. (“YOU KNOW” “I MEAN”) That, you know — I mean fits in my perspective. (“YEAH”) I would not mind if that won. I just don’t think it was done with great style. (“I — I DON’T KNOW” “MY DEAR” “BABE”) Have you seen “Babe”?
Q: See, I think that people — (“I” “LIT”) I think it’ll win because (“I JUST THINK IT” “IS”) it’s a wonderful expression. Why on Earth would “Dr. Doolittle” win in its year?
V: (laughs) (“I MEAN”)
Q: Talk about mystery.
V: Yes. (“AMI” “INNA”)
Q: I don’t know. (“I COULD’VE” “PREDICT”) Usually, (“I LIKE”) I always win Academy Award pools in everything. I mean, like, two years at Paramount I did. Out of the three years they had Academy Award pools at Paramount, I won two of the years.
Q: And last year I was one of the co-winners of the Laemmle pool. (“EXCELLENT”) Because I missed Foreign Film. (“I NEVER”) I never for one moment could believe that beautiful Chinese film would lose to a piece of fluff. I was going to say shit but I thought I’d better start cleaning up my book.
Q: I mean these old Academy members vote for things like “Mediterraneo” and what was that one last year — the Mexican film about the sisters getting married? I didn’t see it. (“NO” “BUT”) It’s like they always go for fluff.
V: Yes. (“BECAUSE” “BECAUSE THEY’RE”)
Q: These people — I mean you can tell that they don’t have God in their life. (“NO”) Their whole life is a celebration of the film industry and how important they are. (“THE” “YES”) All I can say is I don’t think those people are going to have eternal life and I know I sound terribly judgmental and vindictive — (“BUT”) doesn’t it seem obvious? I mean I was there watching a screening of that French film about the coal miners — I always forget what it’s called — with Gerard Depardieu. (“YOU LIS” “GO”)
V: A recent film was it? (“Germinal”)
Q: Yeah. Anyway, (“IT WAS A”) I think it was Emile Zola. (“BUT”) No? Anyway — but (“THEY — THEY”) the Academy members — it showed basically one of the coal miners strangle one of the rich children who was bringing him a gift — (“LIKE A — A”) some food. And they were so offended by this truth — I mean of course he wanted to kill them. (“BUT THEY”) But they walked out of the film.
Q: It must be their own guilt.
V: Yeah. (“THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT — THAT”)
Q: That’s what (“I”) I realized and, of course, God leads us each to see the films that we need to see for our soul to reach perfection. (“SO”) And those people were walking out on it. So — I didn’t walk out. It didn’t bother me. I was rooting for him to kill the bitch.
V: (small laugh)
Q: That’s how I felt. I mean I — this is terrible. I mean this is New Age Jesus — (“WHO’S) not a Jesus of love but a Jesus of defiance and anger. And I don’t want to become this way. But the more the people don’t read my — no one wants to read a 1,300-page book manuscript. You’re the only one so far who’s read my book. I gave it to my mom. (“UM-HUH” “WHO”) Of course, she knows I’m insane — I mean there’s no question in her mind that I’m insane. (“NO” “SHE THINKS SHE’S GOT” “JES”) And she jokes about it. She says, “I have one gay son and one goofy son.”
V: (small laugh)
Q: So I said, “Well, it could be worse. You could have two gay, goofy sons.”
Q: And she wouldn’t know the difference. (“WELL”) You know it’s just — (“OH IT’S SO”) I don’t know. I just feel so frustrated. I just want Mighael to reach perfection and mankind to reach perfection and do it very quickly and very hurriedly — and ruffle no one’s feathers.
Q: And here I am ruffling everyone’s feathers.
V: Sure. (“IT’S LIKE”)
Q: Somebody was telling me, “You’re not really writing a tell-all book about Hollywood”—I think it was Terrance—”because if you do no one will ever make your screenplays.” (“THE PEOPLE”) Who would be interested in my screenplays are the ones who like what I’m saying.
V: Of course. (“LIKE” “THE PEOPLE”)
Q: And those are the only people I really want to work with anyway. (“I MEAN I’M SURE”) I mean just because I went up to Bob Altman and said, (“OH GOD WHAT DID I”) “I’m the Geraldine Chaplin of this event.” I mean he’s not going to hold that against me. I mean it’s probably the funniest thing anyone’s ever told to him —
Q: — at one of those stupid events. Even though this wasn’t a stupid event. It was a very beautiful act of love for the casting director (“WHO WAS A BIG”) who was dear to me as she was to Altman.
V: Sure. (“AND”)
Q: I’m hoping that (“NO” “YOU KNOW” “THAT MAYBE”) I can generate enough publicity that the film of the memorial they’ll make available to the public because boy did that really express all the truths that I’m expressing. (“FROM” “THEY WERE ALWAY[S]”) Her husband would always say to her “Ciao, bella” whenever they parted. (“S”) Need I say more? And, plus, not only that, when she became a casting director — (“WHERE”) I also went to the same seminar that she did where she met the woman who she first became an assistant for (“REALLY”) at Zoetrope. I was there when she asked her, “How can I become a casting director?” It was like a panel — (“IT WAS LIKE A”) they had different people speaking and they had one casting director there. So I was there. So our lives really were linked. (“GRAY” “NO” “WHAT”) I didn’t remember that at the time. I didn’t remember that until I went to the memorial (“MM”) and figured that out. So it’s amazing how much (“AND THERE IS THIS SYNCHRO”) synchronicity in each of our lives.
V: Oh yes.
Q: So (“BUT”) mine’s very interesting because I have all these big stars in it. (“YOU KNOW IT’S LIKE” “I —I”) For example, I’m the perfect one to interpret motion pictures — like “Forrest Gump.” (“YES”) The feather coming down. (“YOU KNOW”) And you can either (“NO”) equate it to Einstein’s theory of relativity or to an angel. (“TO MY” “IT HAPPENED”) The same thing happened to one of my friends (“UM-HUH”) who I interviewed. (“AND”) Or my goose down pillows. Or my suggestion to Allison Jackson when they were doing (“NO”) tie-ins for the press. I said, “You should go ahead and have feathers in each one as a little artistic touch.” She dismissed the idea — very easy to do. You just go out and buy a pillow — (“AND O” “YOU KNOW” “TAKE PILL”) and take feathers from that. (“NOTHER” “THEY’RE SO”) They don’t listen. They don’t care. They’re overwhelmed. I mean I’ve seen Allison weep hysterically because of a situation she got in with Malcolm McDowell. Here goes my tell-all book about Hollywood again. I mean she was hysterical because (“THERE WAS SOME”) some problem with his flight where he thought that she (“SHE — SHE”) had promised him — oh what’s that flight? (“THE REALLY”) Anyway, the first-class flight — what’s the jet? (“ANYWAY THE”) The expensive flight.
V: The 747? (“WHA”)
Q: What’s that big one that goes over every day? Anyway, I can’t remember.
V: 747. (“NO”)
Q: Well, no. No, I mean the — what’s that — (“THE”) the big plane that goes over once a day. (“YEAH THE”) The most expensive one?
Q: Thank you. It’s like God chose a dingbat to write the New Testament for mankind. I can never remember anything. It’s terrible. (“SO ANYWAY” “YES” “SO THE CON”) So, apparently, he thought he was going to go by the Concorde but there was a problem ticketing. So he wasn’t going to do any publicity for the film. And it sort of got Allison in trouble because the actor’s publicist contacted — Sherry Lansing I think. And everyone dumped on Allison because no one cares about her. They just care about keeping the artists happy. And she’s always trying to save a dime wherever she can.
Q: I went through the same thing myself in going to Vancouver for (“FRI”) one of the “Friday the 13th” movies. I mean it’s ridiculous. (“SO AGAIN” “IT’S LIKE”) It’s not her money.
V: Of course. (“BUT” “NO”)
Q: These people — (“THEY” “THEY COME”) they become embraced by that whole corporate mentality. And so all I can say is it will be interesting to see how a lot of these corporate mentalities respond to my book. I once wrote a screenplay called “Horns” that depicted Hell as a world of corporations.
V: (laughs) (“THIS IS LIKE” “THIS IS THE ONE MY” “YOU KNOW”)
Q: Many years ago. Ten years ago. I mean before I knew who I was. And I still don’t know — I mean I still can’t believe that this is really happening. (“I MEAN”) I can believe it because I have no alternative. (“BUT EVERY TIME I TURN”) Every time I turn on the TV, within three minutes it goes off.
Q: And I can still hear it running. (“MM”) So not only — (“IS IT STILL RU”) it goes off — the picture goes off — but I can hear the electricity still is on.
V: Mm. (“SO”)
Q: He definitely does not want (“WANT ME” “WATCHING” “WANT”) me watching TV. And once in a while there are very interesting shows on.
Q: Like this one about Orson Welles
V: Oh yes.
Q: Oh my God. I just said someone else with the name son. (“IN A”)
V: (laughs) (“DAY”)
Q: No one’s going to believe me. (“YOU KNOW”) This is all planned. I mean people don’t understand why Orson Welles (“WASN’T”) had so many problems in his life. And we weren’t another — he didn’t have the success of someone like Kubrick even though Kubrick hasn’t made that many films. So, again, I mean if you really look, (“YOU KNOW”) (at) the most important directors of all time, there’s not really one that had the greatest success. Like Hitchcock never won an Academy Award for Best Director. (“UM-HUH” “AND” “BUT HIS”) Stylistically, his films were—directorially—(“STYLISTICALLY”) the best. Buñuel. (“BRILLIANCE”) Again, no Academy Award. (“[E]XACTLY”) And then Tarkofsky. (“ME”) Bergman did win Academy Awards but his films never made any big money.
V: No no.
Q: (Same with) Fellini.
Q: I mean it’s an interesting dynamic that goes on here. But everyone wants to take their own credit without giving any credit to God and God’s mad as hell and He’s not going to take it any more.
Q: He wants some of the credit.
Q: He wants some of the credit for poems and book and movies and songs. And everything. And you agree that God is in everything.
Q: Everybody agrees but they don’t emotionally feel it and He wants them to emotionally feel it. Or He’ll make cockroaches the new (“HE”) race on the Earth (“I”) to see (“IF MAYBE”) if they give Him more love. Even though He’ll probably keep me, like, in a condo somewhere and screw me once in a while.
Q: As a souvenir of mankind. I mean this is what I’m dealing with. I mean it’s like a horrible truth. I don’t want to be this person. I mean no one’s going to believe that He likes me more than anyone else.