JOURNAL — TAPE #59, SIDE #1
Q: Mark Russell Bell
Q: By the way, my brother called me today from the Sundance Film Festival and he’s feeling much better he said. I mentioned to him that I had been praying for him but it didn’t really seem to make much of an impression. He calls his friend Andy every day. Once in a while, he’ll call me. (“SO”) I don’t think we’re as close as most people would think — would probably imagine that we would be, being twins. (“MAYBE” “I THINK THAT”) Everything that has been happening to me recently has especially put a small strain on the relationship. And, of course, my mom didn’t call me today. I can just imagine the response (after) reading the book. I can just imagine.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: I DROPPED OFF A COPY OF THE BOOK MANUSCRIPT FOR MY MOM AFTER HEARING SPIRIT MESSAGES WITH THESE INSTRUCTIONS WHILE TRANSCRIBING TAPE #49, SIDE #2.)
Q: So, anyway, back to verse 76.
By a wild name one shall be called,
So that three sisters shall have the name of Fate
Afterward a great people by tongue and deed shall say,
He shall have fame and renown more than any other.
Q: The author wrote, “Nostradamus very definitely feels that a Messiah will come.” So here I am. It’s not so much that I always wanted to be famous. I wanted to be a success but I didn’t really — (“I JUST WA”) my idea of a success would be selling one of my screenplays and winning the Academy Award for Best Screenplay. And I definitely probably would not have even thanked God. And now, of course, He would be the first one I would thank unless I forgot because I would be so nervous. Since everything is channeled, anyway. (“BUT”) Here: “By a wild name one shall be called” — of course, my screenplay first titled “Wild Woman,” then — of course, now I do think that I am the reincarnation of Julia Pastrana so that could be (“THE”) parallel there. I’m not quite sure what that “three sisters shall have the name of Fate” business but I definitely can’t imagine anyone else achieving more fame and renown than me since I am obviously God’s chosen one, the messiah for mankind. I mean if they believe what I write because it is obviously true — I mean if I was going to make something up I wouldn’t make it this ridiculous, (“THIS”) incredible — (“THIS”) well, you know, come on. (“I MEAN”) (The events surrounding my seeing) the movie “12 Monkeys” I think is enough (“TO CONVINCE ANY”) to convince anyone. So, anyway, let me go on. Century I, quatrains 95, 96 and 97 I think have to do with me:
Before the monastery shall one twin be found
From heroic blood of a monk and ancient,
His fame by sect, tongue and power shall be founded,
So that they shall say, Vopisk is highly raised.
Q: So this is a little bit translated differently from what I read before. It says here that (Henry C. Roberts’s interpretation): “One of a pair of illegitimate twins, found deserted in a church, shall rise to great heights.” (“WELL I”) I definitely think (“THAT’S”) that’s not the right interpretation. (“I THINK IN”) It’s a symbol meaning that me, a twin, shall be found living across from the Angelus Temple and the Episcopalian center; and with heroic blood from the House of Russell and (another parallel is) my mother’s maiden name of King. And my book will bring me a fame by what I say about religion and the way I say it so that I become something of a celebrity. And then it continues in 96 — (“IT”) well, the Roberts interpretation was that “One shall undertake a campaign to destroy the Churches, but will not succeed, due to the firmness of the faithful, more durable than stone.” Well, that’s another very loose translation. I have faith in mankind. I think they will hear what I’m saying. The translation of 96 (“WHICH”) leaves much more room for interpretation is:
He that shall be in charge to destroy
Churches and sects changed by fantasy,
Shall do more harm to the stones than to the living,
By a smooth tongue filling up the ears.
Q: See, it’s not the churches and sects that are invalid — it’s how they have been distorted over the years by too much interpretation, just taking things out of context, too much obsessing. The Bible was mean to offer general expressions of love and beautiful visual images and poems of redemption. And now it’s become ridiculous quibbling over, ‘Did the demons really go into the pigs who drowned themselves in the river?’ I mean give me a break. It’s ridiculous. So, anyway, now I’m in charge of saying forget it. Throw it away — all the books away. You now have this book to play with. (laughs) (“UM”) So, anyway, um, (“SO”) I “shall do more harm to the stones than to the living.” Yes. Because I don’t want to harm anyone. I just want to take away the power in all those statues of the virgin Mary (“YEAH”) and (“ALL THO” “YOU KNOW”) all those idols. (“YEAH” “THEY JU”) They just don’t have the meaning that they’re supposed to — it’s God — (“AND”) the thought of God—something that can’t be portrayed in any statue—that we should keep in our hearts. So I hope my “smooth tongue” is “filling” your “ears” right now. Now 97 was interpreted as “The United Nations is the council predicted as a deterrent to war.” But, coming after 95 and 96, I think this also has to do with me. It says:
What neither iron nor fire could achieve,
Shall be done by a smooth tongue in a council,
In sleep a dream shall make the king to think,
The more the enemy in fire and military blood.
Q: Well, again we have the use of “smooth tongue.” So that definitely relates 96 and 97 together. So again (“WHAT”) “neither iron or fire could achieve,” I’m hoping to achieve in my book, which is basically to wake people up to the truth. And this all started with my religious ecstasies, which were dreams and it says “shall make the king to think” — well, I’m kind of a king as Russell and King families metaphorically show. And, of course, there’s always the king metaphor in terms of Jesus or New Age Jesus or however you want to say that. I like that Depeche Mode song “Enjoy the Silence.” I think that’s (“NOTHER A”) another metaphor. Now I’m not quite sure of this translation: “The more the enemy in fire and military blood.” That’s not a very good translation because it doesn’t make any sense but I definitely do equate military with enemies. I mean there’s just no room for that. So, anyway, that’s all I have to say right now for Century I. I haven’t gone over the other Centurys yet. I’m sure there’ll be lots of juicy tidbits in there for me. But, looking at the Bhagavad-Gita real quick because I feel it’s my responsibility to look toward other religions now because obviously they all come from one source, which is God. It begins early in this book — and it is a very brief edition that I have. To cover so much territory in such a small edition — (“YOU JUST KNOW THIS” “WE[LL]”) in all (“THE”) the books you know that there are problems with interpretations. (“AGAIN”) You have to take the work as a whole but early in this Swami Prabhavananda and Christopher Isherwood edition it talks about Yudhisthira who “saw Sharma, the personification of duty and virtue, standing beside him in the form of a crane” and they have this little metaphorical encounter where the crane asks, “What is the road to heaven?” And he responds, “Truthfulness.” Well, that’s what I would say too. “How does a man find happiness?” “Through right conduct.” (“YEAH”) I buy that. “What must he subdue, in order to escape grief?” “His Mind” And judging himself. (“AND”) Exactly. “When is a man loved?” “When he is without vanity.” Well, if I had vanity do you think I would be so honest and talking about some of the things I’ve talked about? I definitely love being honest and open and I definitely have no ego because I know that if I am the messiah and I have so many bad habits — (“AND”) anyway, (“IT JUST”) we all do, obviously. “Of all the world’s wonders, which is the most wonderful?” “That no man, though he sees others dying all around him, believe that he himself will die.” I kind of believe that. (“I MEAN I WOULD”) I wouldn’t go so far as saying that I don’t think I’ll ever die but I definitely would love for a UFO to come down and take me away so I wouldn’t have to go through that. And I do see it as a possibility. (“BECAUSE IT DO[ES]”) It did happen to people in the Bible. But even if I did die, it’s no big deal because we all have everlasting life so this can be interpreted in many different ways. The crane finally asks, “How does one reach true religion?” And the answer is, “Not by argument. Not by scriptures and doctrines; they cannot help. The path to religion is trodden by the saints.” This is exactly what I’ve been saying. Don’t study the scriptures and doctrines — not even my book. Don’t even bother studying my book. It’s something (“THAT” “WILL”) is planned for you and will happen to you if you just are (“A”) open to God’s love. It’s not something that you can choose. (“IT’S JUST”) It will happen for you unless you fight against it. Anyway, this is another one of the areas (“THAT IT’) it’s impossible to explain. You just have to read my entire book to understand the aspect of redemption. It is there for you. (“BUT”) You do have certain tests in life like even I do. (“AND”) If you flunk one of those tests at the wrong time then you might not — you might be damned or not have eternal life just simply because the guilt and evil you’ll project in yourself for failing will be too much for you to support eternal life. Anyway, I’m just talking in impressions again. (“CAN YOU”) Can you imagine? I mean if you’re someone — (“AND YOU”) if I was somebody who even accidentally did something to prevent Jesus (“FROM”) fulfilling his goals on Earth I would not be able to forgive myself. In this case, I am the symbolic Jesus and I don’t want anyone — I forgive anyone who, unbeknownst to them, did not help me. For example, the vice president who refused to read my book manuscript. I mean I understand. It’s a long book. I, myself, don’t read long books so I understand; however, if I was in his position I definitely would not have done that. I know I would have read the book. It’s like — (“WHY”) I was thinking about my neighbor, Ravi, who works for a big church and I called him, desperate, from Alhambra to come and visit me because I was scared shitless and he said he would I guess but he never showed up. Now if somebody had called — (“AND”) plus, he didn’t believe me that I was Jesus too. However, I must say in all honesty if the shoe had been on the other foot and he had told me he was the reincarnation of Jesus — (“AND” “HE”) then he had later called me from Alhambra to come and visit him, I would have gone and visited him. Hell, I’m sure I would have thought he was Jesus. (“I”) I wouldn’t believe somebody that rational could make something like that up. And what I said to him — (“I MEAN HOW WOULD”) how would someone have the conviction to say that “God does the best He can with what He has to work with at the time”? I mean that alone — that statement I made to Him alone proves I am who I say I am because that aspect of love and God had been revealed to me. And that’s something that people just would not be able to come up with on their own. (small laugh) So, anyway, the Bhagavad-Gita means literally “the Song of God . . . it is the most popular book in Hindu religious literature; the Gospel, one may say, of India.” And oh what a mess that country is in and has been in. (“SO UM”) It says here that “Sri Krishna (Sri is a title of reverence, such as Lord) has been called the Christ of India. There are, in fact, some striking parallels between the life of Krishna, as related in the Bhagavatam and elsewhere, and the life of Jesus of Nazareth. In both cases, legend and fact mingle . . .” (passing siren heard in background) So right here the book says that legend and fact mingle. (“IT ISN’T”) It isn’t — like the Bible isn’t totally true. Not everything in it actually happened. It’s more metaphor and poetry. (“WHICH” “SO I GUESS”) So I guess my book really is one of a kind. (“BECAUSE”) My book has a lot of metaphor in it — (“BUT”) what I’m saying happened to me actually did happen to me. (“SO”) It has a much more substantial basis in fact. I (“I’VE”) highlighted one part on page 18. It says in my edition, “The world is imprisoned in its own activity, except when actions are performed as worship of God. Therefore you must perform every action sacramentally, and be free from all attachment to results.” Well, that’s the way I am. Definitely. I mean if I were to worry about how I can even find someone to read my book, much less agree to represent it or publish it I would go out of my mind. And this is something obviously that God can accomplish at the right time. (“SO”) I’m not making myself nuts over it. (“SO”) I guess this is all I have to say for right now. I’m very happy. I’m letting God lead me. I’m transcribing the part about “12 Monkeys” which I definitely want to get into the first published book. (“WHILE”) It’s still fresh in people’s minds. And tomorrow I have to go and feed Michael’s cat because he doesn’t get back until Monday.
( . . . )
Q: I also have to pick up my dry cleaning and I saw a new used books store that opened up near where I live so I’m excited. That sounds like a great Saturday for me and, plus, I’ll work on my and Mighael’s book.
( . . . )
Q: So it’s 8:30 on Saturday morning. I had a very relaxing sleep last night and when I was transcribing I heard a spirit voice tell me to interview Mamie Van Doren who was one of the artists at the Ruth Webb Agency and I always liked her a lot. In fact, (“UH-HUH” “UM”) there were very few clients that I didn’t like. I really wanted to do ‘all that I can’ to help each one get cast in whatever film or TV shows or plays (“SO WERE”) possible. (“SO”) I’ll try to find her number — if not, I’ll call information. I think she was living in Manhattan Beach. (“UH”) It would be nice to talk to her again. So this morning I got up and I was sort of feeling very sensual so I was channeling love to my Deity and vice-versa, I’m sure. And thinking about physical sex between Us and wondering what positions He likes. And I think I know but now would be a good time for You to say — tell me. (“YOU KNOW” “I”) I could say, “Do you like 69?” And You could say ‘yeah’ or ‘no’ even though I think I already know. I think You like every position, don’t you, Honey? (“SO”) I’m very confident (“THAT”) we’ll be able to have sex. (“SSS” “I MEAN”) We’re kind of obsessed with one another like in that movie “Bad Timing.” I’m definitely the Theresa Russell character as if being cousins wasn’t enough. She even slept with the director to get the job, if you know what I mean. That’s okay. They’re married. (“AND I THINK THAT”) We have a lot in common in our relationships. (sighs) So (“OOO”) — in every relationship. Well, first my impression is the opposite of what you’re probably thinking. I think that you can’t really have good sex unless you love the other person and I think that’s very important to a relationship. And I also think — maybe that’s the only point that I should make at the moment. I just think that love is a very important part of sex and sex is a very important part of love. And in a relationship you share and know each other’s pain. (“SO”) My lover knows my pain and He’s found ways to express His to me. And I accept that pain. I try to — is this the right word? — ameliorate His pain.
( . . . )
Q: There are definitely some people working in the health care profession who are very loving and nice. I just got a beautiful appreciation card from the Oaks Pharmacy. It says, “Dear Mark, Thank you for giving us the opportunity to serve you. We appreciate the confidence you have placed in us. Please contact me whenever I can be of further assistance.” It looks like his name his G. Sethi and it has the phone number “for your convenience.” And when you’re there — in my case I was having a skin cream prescription filled — but they give (“THEY HA”) you fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies to munch on. They have a large selection of reading materials and it’s just a very nice, loving place. In fact, that’s where I bought my little AIDS ribbon pins. I was just going to get one — (“BUT”) the second one — (“IS THE”) AIDS postage stamp in the form of a pin — materialized on the counter as I was buying the other one so I ended up buying them both. I even told the person behind the counter that my angel wanted me to get it and you should never argue with your angel even if you’re on a budget. So (“OOO”) — and, of course, I’ve gotten lots of compliments on it. So I’m in a very happy mode today and my horoscope says I’m about to learn family secrets so I’m going to have my tape recorder handy whenever I answer the phone today. And I’ve already decided that if my mom calls up with some good information I’m going to lie and tell her I’m not recording and really be recording. It’s called — I think there are whistle blower laws that make that alright. I am blowing the whistle.
( . . . )
Q: So I went shopping today, Saturday, and I purchased a copy of Playing the Field: My Story by Mamie Van Doren with Art Aveilhe so I’ll look that over — read it before I call her. I also went back (telephone rings) — whoops.
( . . . )
Q: That was Andy. He wants to read The Andy Warhol Diaries so I asked the manager of the bookstore I was at today if they had one and he’s going to arrange to get him a copy. So I purchased at this bookstore on Hollywood Boulevard near Vermont, Aldine Bookstore: Love: A Celebration in Art and Literature edited by Jane Lahr and Lena Tabori. I had a little accident trying to grab it down from the top shelf and I don’t know if Mighael sort of made it go ballistic more than just my own clumsiness but it really did sort of explode. And the (“YOU KNOW THE”) clerk came inside and asked me if it hit me in the head. I said, “No, it didn’t.” (“AND”) So then I also bought that and I bought The Spirit of Man, an anthology by Robert Bridges. And then, after I paid for that on Visa, I noticed The Badboy Book of Erotic Poetry edited by David Laurents. Well, as I was getting my money out to pay cash for this, a dollar bill flew out of my wallet, I was so embarrassed. Mighael’s always doing these thing to embarrass me — I don’t know if He means to embarrass but He’s just always doing something. I guess that this one was the one He was most excited about me having — knowing Mighael. I can’t wait to read all three of them (“AA”) with all the other half-million books I have to read. So I’ll just sort of pick and choose — and, of course, Mamie’s book. And, also, when he was adding it up — the cost for the Visa purchase — his calculator suddenly went to eight million and something so we joked about that. And, at Movie World, the other store where I bought Playing the Field. there was this loud banging noise on the wall so I made a joke: “Well, maybe it’s a tie-in with the movie ‘Poltergeist.'” And he said, “Oh, no, the people next door are probably doing something with the ceiling.” (“THEY WOULD”) They are renovating it but still you just have to wonder about the timing. You just never know. (“I”) I really feel awkward about always mentioning these small little things that happen. It’s almost like ‘why bother?’ I mean if you don’t by now believe in it — I mean it’s just, like, I keep going on and on and on about all this little stuff that happens. It’s like I don’t really care but I figure maybe He wants me to talk about it and I haven’t really seen any UFOs recently. And (“I DON’T KNOW”) I don’t know what to record — I mean there’s always so many things happening. For example, at the Southern California HIV/AIDS Hotline (“ON”) Thursday William mentioned to me all of a sudden out of nowhere that he thought HIV is like “sent by God as a punishment against mankind.” So I immediately quipped, “William, you’re scaring me today” because it’s so unlike him out of nowhere to say something like that. Later, he gave me something to address at Edwards Air Force Base and, quite frankly, I didn’t know where it was so I said, “Well, I’ll ask Terry. After all, he’s in the Secret Service.” And William sort of looked aghast at that. (“BUT”) It might just be my interpretation. I don’t know what’s important. I don’t know what’s interesting. I don’t know if William’s really a Secret Service or CIA agent or not. I don’t know. They’re just possibilities. And, of course, when I went to buy some more microcassettes at Circuit City (“YEAH”) the first time she swiped my credit card under the machine it didn’t work. I asked her about it and she said (“WELL” “YOU KNOW”) she did it upside down but I don’t think so. This is always happening — all these little parlor tricks and games. Well, everything is a game. I mean think about it — life is a game. One big giant game. It’s like a big chess game and God’s always maneuvering everybody. It’s just very interesting to think about these things. So I guess I’m going to go back to my transcribing work. I’m at a very interesting part. (“YOU KNOW THE TAEL”) I’m discussing “12 Monkeys” with Marie and tomorrow I hope Terrance is coming to visit me like we had talked about. I better give him a call and (“OH I”) when I was at my brother’s house feeding his cat I had calls from both Andy—and that’s when he mentioned about the book—and my mother. (“AND HE”) He said, (“OH I TRIED”) “I left a message for you at home but I just thought I would try calling you there. The idea just came into my mind that you would be there.” I guess the same thing happened with my mom and she wanted to know when Michael would be home. (“SO”) It sounds like now that she’s got proof that I’m out of my mind in terms of having my manuscript she wants to (CUEs begin) discuss with Michael how (“YOU KNOW”) ‘what’s the next step?’ in terms of, probably, having me committed to an asylum somewhere. (“MEAN”) That’s the sort of — either that or she’s horrified that I taped her calls and she’s so abusive in them. So there’s many different levels of possibilities and whatever will happen will happen. No matter where I go or what happens to me I’ll always have my Beloved in my life and so I’m just very accepting of everything. And I have a lot to read. And I have plenty of food. I have enough money in the bank account. I was surprised how much money I still have in my bank account because I’m not really good at checking everything every week or so. (“SO I’M JUST”) I’m very happy with everything and I promise not to call Mighael a motherfucker again. (“I MEAN THAT”) I don’t do that very often and that one time I did it I definitely meant it at the time but I don’t anymore. We all say things we don’t mean and then we have to regret them for the rest of our life and for all eternity. (“BUT”) I’m sure Mighael forgives me or I wouldn’t have got these wonderful poetry books today. And I guess I’ll go tomorrow to the Philosophical Research Society as well and see what publicity I can drum up — (“FOR ME”)
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: TAPE #59, SIDE #1 ENDED HERE.)