JOURNAL — TAPE #27, SIDE #2
Q: Mark Russell Bell
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: A HEARTBEAT IS HEARD, OVERLAPPING, HERE AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS SIDE.)
Q: (speaking into tape recorder) I’m on my way home from Jonathan’s party. I wanted to interview somebody there who had just worked on a game from Sega but he didn’t want to be interviewed. He was from Sydney, Australia and he once had an interesting premonition about an airplane crash. Anyway, I’m on my way home, going down Melrose and Michael did something very sweet. (“TOO”) Um, there was no one at the intersection and (“PSST”) the crossing button had been pushed so I didn’t have to wait a long time (“PSST PSST”) because ‘somebody’ pushed the button. So, Michael, thank you. (“UH-HUH”) Listen to what song Michael’s playing for me now on the radio: “Don’t You Want Me, Baby” by Human League. Oh well. I’m trying my best.
( . . . )
Q: It’s Sunday morning (“YEAH”) at 5:17. I woke up early again. I just have a few quick updates — impressions for my book. (“ONE”) I remember some of the things I said at the party. I overheard someone say the words “secret agent” at Jonathan’s party so I went over to him and I said, “Secret agent? My book is about the unexplained, Hollywood and secret agents.” And he explained that, “Oh, no, it was about a talent agent who just left the party. It was a joke.” (“HE WAS”) They were calling him a secret agent as a joke. As I was saying how disappointed I was, I noticed two people looking very surprised. It seemed like — well, my personal trainer was fired under mysterious circumstances at my gym. He said that (“I”) he had been accused of sexual abuse, which I thought was quite surprising — a matter of karma, perhaps. Anyway, he wanted me to work out with him at a small, secluded gym somewhere else. But then, about six weeks later, right after I began recognizing certain individuals who I thought could be CIA agents working with William, (“UM”) the trainer suddenly appeared back in the gym one day, which I thought was quite odd under the circumstances. Of all the people there, he came over to me. I asked him if he’d been paid for the time he was away and he said, “No.” That made me quite upset because it isn’t right to fire someone and not pay for the lost wages after hiring that person back. I told him the major update was that I was discovering all these secret agents. All my friends were acting like secret agents or operatives. Even my mom, my brother and Fiona were calling me at the weirdest times (“LIKE”) and asking questions. It was really weird. I don’t know if secret agents are influencing my friends or if Michael is trying to make me think that could be happening to keep my interest up, if you know what I mean, because transcribing tapes over again isn’t really very exciting even if there are spirit messages and unattributed sounds. So it’s something I wonder about once in a while. (“BUT”) I told my personal trainer, upon his return to the gym, that, “I think that I have a new idea for a movie.” The first film in the series could be about the family in Oklahoma with a poltergeist named Michael who I discover is the archangel Michael from the Bible. The film’s ending could be the writer returning to L.A. only to continue experiencing phenomena, which leads him to the realization that he might be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. The sequel could be about (“THIS”) the writer’s continuing experiences as the phenomena continues. A portion of this film would include the goings-on at the Alhambra mental institution where my friends (“YOU KNOW”) put me. Because that was really the most bizarre sequence of events ever (“TRY AND HELP HIM”) as far as I’m concerned. (“I LOVE YOU”) Anyway, a major story development in the sequel could be the protagonist realizing that transparent aliens are filming a documentary on his life. My friends have so many weird experiences even when I’m not there. (“WHAT’S) Beyond the protagonist’s basic dilemma — (“ISN’T IS”) an interesting concept enough — he thinks the aliens could be filming other people who encounter him at certain times for certain reasons to make certain points. For example, people working in film development reading this right now — at this very moment aliens could be filming you from another dimension. Doesn’t that make you wonder? Anyway, so that’s the second movie. Now the third movie (“YEAH”) could include the protagonist discovering (“UH-HUH”) that all of his friends and all of his relatives are (“SSS”) double agents, (“NO”) like William, my personal trainer, maybe my mom. (“UH-HUH”) Once when I started speculating to my brother about my personal trainer (“NO”) being a double agent — at that exact moment another call come in on his car phone. Soon after that, Fiona even called me — she never calls me any more — and (“SHE”) she called me, sounding stressed and asking about what was going on. The same thing happened with my mom. Oh my God — I just had a dream. (“TOO”) This is one of the reasons why I’m talking into my tape recorder this morning. Because I just had sort of a bad dream about Fiona. Oh, I know (“SHE’S”) she’s my dear personal friend and I truly love her but I just realized (“YOU KNOW I’LL”) when I was (“UP”) having lots of impressions — channeling lots of impressions right before I became overwhelmed — I said she was the reincarnation of Morgana le Fay. Well, tonight in my dream, I definitely felt (“LIKE”) that she was representative of a negative energy source. (“UH-HUH”) For whatever reason — at least, as she relates to me at this point in my life. (“UH-HUH”) Anyway, I don’t know (“WHAT”) what to make of it. I’ve always had ambivalent thoughts concerning somebody reading Tarot cards for a living. I guess it really depends (“ON”) upon the person — the purposes of the person doing the reading. If there are positive reasons (“UH-HUH”) I think it is good work and I think her reasons are positive. Morgana le Fay seems like a negative person in history. (“SO I”) Maybe this is her chance to work out (“WRONG”) some of the negative aspects of previous incarnations. And the same thing with my friend Inna. Definitely if she’s the reincarnation of those two.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: AS YOU HAVE SEEN, A SPIRIT MESSAGE INDICATES THAT INNA IS NOT THE REINCARNATION OF LUCREZIA BORGIA AND FIONA HAD BEEN MAKING A JOKE, JUST AS SHE TOLD ME . WHEN JAMES SELECTED MARIE ANTOINETTE HE THOUGHT HE WAS JOKING AS WELL. I LATER REALIZED THAT THE LETTERS I — N — N — A ARE ALL FEATURED IN THE NAME ANTOINETTE. THIS IS BEING EDITED ON SEPTEMBER 16TH AND I HAVE BEEN GOING TO LUNCH WITH FIONA ON SATURDAYS RECENTLY. I THINK SOME OF MY FEELINGS OF TREPIDATION WERE BECAUSE I WAS CONFUSING MORGANA LE FAY, AN ENCHANTRESS WHO WAS KING ARTHUR’S SISTER, WITH THE EVIL VIVIEN OR VIVIANE, WHO, AS LEGEND HAS IT, IMPRISONED MERLIN.)
Q: Anyway, (“UMM”) so the idea for the third film would be ‘New Age Jesus’ finding himself without any friends and only double agents in his life. (“NO”) Weird. That was (“THIS”) the plot somewhat of the movie “The Experts,” a Paramount movie for which I wrote the press kit. I interviewed the screenwriters and Frank Mancuso even sent me a nice letter after one of the screenwriters wrote him a letter saying how wonderful I was. Weird. Another thing. On the way home from the party, I was thinking about this too because (“TTT”) the day (“YEAH”) when Marie and I went to (“UH-HUH”) the Egypt lecture at the PRS, I noticed that (“UH-HUH”) the front panel inside my car, where I have this light that blinks on and off to make people think it’s a burglar alarm so they won’t break into it again, I could see that it had been — (“JIGGLED”) it fell down and (“SOME”) someone had gotten in there and I had to think that, perhaps, a listening device had been planted because it shouldn’t be like that; and maybe they were monitoring me somehow or (“SICK”) had some kind of listening device there because once in a while every few days or so I would notice that it had fallen down a little bit. (“IT WAS”) It’s just so weird. So, anyway, those tapes would be great to listen to if they ever become available. (“YOU KNOW”) I mean I’m just sure some of the music was especially meaningful. I would play them especially meaningful music. (“UH-HUH” “WILLIAM”) Just to freak them. (“BECAU”) In case they were listening. (“WHICH”) Probably they were. I mean, if you thought that Jesus was reincarnated and living in L.A. and you were a CIA person, wouldn’t you want to sort of keep track of him? I mean you know what control freaks secret service people are. So, anyway, (“YEAH”) I was driving home and I was thinking about this and I just happened to have a Thomas Dolby CD with me. (“UH-HUH”) I thought I’d listen to maybe “Europa and the Pirate Twins” or whatever. But then I decided, ‘I’ll listen to this song’ for the Secret Service people: ‘One of Our Submarines is Missing.'” You know what? Come to think of it, that sounds like something Michael would do.
( . . . )
Q: Now it’s 5:35. I keep remembering details. I don’t want to but I keep remembering them. “The Experts” also starred John Travolta, who also is playing an angel named Michael in that movie that’s particularly relevant to this book and he was also in “Carrie.” I think he was also in “The Devil’s Rain.” Anyway, if my book isn’t a bestseller, maybe that means that there’s a lot more weeding out (“THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN”) than I had otherwise thought. It’s a scary thought but what the heck? I keep wanting to fire my therapist (“FOR”) because she just doesn’t believe anything I tell her. Ever. Even though she’s heard Michael on the tapes. (“THE LAST”) During our last therapy session she said, “Well, maybe, I better listen to the tapes again. Bring something in next time.” So I will. I don’t know what my mood will be. It’s good to have her as a security blanket because (“WHAT HAPPENS IF”) what if something happens? (“NO”) For example, let’s say my headphones go out again. (“I MEAN”) I could have emotional problems if something were to happen unexpectedly and she is a good listener. And who else would believe it, anyway? I mean if anyone could believe it, she would. She did say she does believe in connections. I mean she is a psychic, for Christ’s sake. So I’ll bring in a tape and try to figure out which one she can hear because it’s hard enough for anyone to hear these things without transcribing experience. It took me considerable time before I could differentiate all but the most prominent messages. I did mention to her, (“LIKE SHE”) like, she might read the [next to final] chapter in The Gods of Eden by William Bramley. (“EVEN THOUGH”) Apparently, Michael doesn’t recommend the whole book and I can see why because it is sort of negative. (“YOU KNOW”) And I don’t think a lot of these things that happened in the book were meant to be negative. (“BUT”) I think that (“SOME”) a lot of it is probably not true. Remember, (“THIS”) the main theme of this book that sometimes gets lost is that God is love. So (“UH-HUH”) it’s something to keep in mind. I mentioned to her (“YOU KNOW”) how much easier everything would be if Michael just spoke to me directly the way he has with thousands of people in Oklahoma. And she said in a very Nurse Ratched tone of voice, “Oh, well, if Michael did that, there’s something else we’d have to do for you.” And I’m thinking, “Oh, yeah, right — like make me into a drugged-out zombie or give me a lobotomy or burn me at the stake like Joan of Arc.” So, anyway, (“YEAH”) I think that’s enough details for now because the details could go on forever. When you’re the center of the synchronicity, they definitely go on forever. I mean: “On a Clear Day You Can See Forever.”
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: THE FOLLOWING CONCERNS DEBASHISH BANERJI’S DECEMBER 17, 1995 PHILOSOPHICAL RESEARCH SOCIETY LECTURE “CELEBRATING THE BIRTH OF GOD.” THIS IS AVAILABLE ON CASSETTE AND I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. I DISCONTINUE INDICATING WHERE SPIRIT BREATHING CAN BE HEARD ON JOURNAL TAPE PORTIONS IN TESTAMENT AS IT IS ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT TO DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN SPIRIT BREATHING AND MY OWN DURING JOURNAL ENTRIES.)
Q: I really enjoyed the lecture. (“I THINK”) I had a very emotional response to it. Even more so than usual. However, it seemed to be the least attended of all the PRS lectures I’ve attended. I guess not very many people are interested in celebrating (“UH-HUH”) the birth of God, which I think should take many forms and should be done throughout our lives and not on just one day. The lecture entailed the paradox of the birth of God — something that is timeless, spaceless and transcendent. The lecture presented the question why should He take birth? Because to be born is to enter into time and what benefit is there to be gained by entering into time? What is the mystery of this birth? Sacrifice. I’m just looking at my notes now. I can’t articulate it as well as the lecturer did. But he used words and phrases like “supermind,” “matter,” “pure existence,” “delighting in the manifestation — physical manifestation,” “to become subject to time,” and “consciousness explores itself in the body of existence.” As the lecture progressed, Banerji spoke about acceptance of the conditions of ignorance and, in terms of the work of an avatar being greater than his words; from outside his life, only the surface of his life can be understood or read about or communicated. Only the tip of the iceberg can be shared. I can vouch for that because in my own experience the emotional love that I feel every moment cannot really be communicated. (“AND IT”) You can’t communicate that. You can only feel that. It’s a message about surrendering the mortal to Divine Consciousness. You celebrate the birth of God through sacrifice of the human to the divine. It’s a light aflame in the heart, as you’ll hear in the lecture. The human race is a multiple avatar experiencing the perpetual miracle of time. Time outflowing from the divine lotus — as I consider these things I look out toward the beautiful lotuses in Echo Park Lake. I thought it was a joyful meditation.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: AS I BEGAN TRANSCRIBING MY BRIEF INTERVIEW WITH BANERJI, THE TAPE BECAME HOPELESSLY ENTANGLED, EXTENDING EVEN FROM THE LOWER CORNERS OF THE MICROCASSETTE. IT BECAME IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO CONTINUE TRANSCRIBING THIS TAPE.)