INTERVIEW — TAPE #217, SIDE #2
Q: Mark Russell Bell
L: Ellen Russell
Q: It’s very late — early Sunday/late Saturday. I think Mighael and I are alright in our relationship. But it’s been a very disturbing couple of days. (“SSS”) In fact, I’ve been talking to Mighael a lot. A lot of it was angry. (“BECAUSE”) In my predicament, every little thing becomes blown out of proportion as one of my horoscopes alluded to, and I hate reading horoscopes now but I do it just because maybe I’ll get some kind of small help. Some of them are quite mean-spirited. So I think what happened is for some reason Mighael thought I was being — I was not coming from a place of humility. On Friday, for some reason — and all of a sudden for some reason, by God, I was going to learn humility. And, of course, I see all the machinations and manipulation. And, of course, when I do something that I consider wrong (“YOU KNOW”) I try to correct it or whatever. (“BUT”) Sometimes Mighael and I don’t agree. And these are just impressions. I don’t even know. I’m probably imagining things (disagreements) most of the time and I don’t really get clear communication so it really makes me think that sometimes — for example, when I was leaving the gym I heard a little noise and I first thought maybe I’d hit another car but I looked and I hadn’t. The car next to mine was beat up and the fender was sticking out so maybe I thought I hit the fender. (“I DI”) Anyway, I didn’t see anything. Maybe I ran over a coke bottle but, of course, the way it was staged was somebody was leaving their car right across from mine at the time (“AND LOOKED”) and I thought it was like Mighael was almost trying to make me get caught or make people think that I was hitting another car — just whatever. So, of course, I didn’t stop. (“I MEAN”) I didn’t do anything. I’m always very, very careful because of my past mishaps but I still felt (“YOU KNOW”) terrible like, ‘My God, what if I — (“D[ID]”) what if I did do something?’ And even if I had done something, it would’ve been so minor — anyway, I just was totally upset. I couldn’t even think because there had been other things too. The photos weren’t ready at the lab — (“FOR”) some strange reason. Anyway, I just was getting strange vibrations and then (“I WAS”) I was distracted in the store and I was suddenly pushing someone else’s cart and I put my sunglasses down (“AND I”) and I forgot them. And I went back to get them and they weren’t there. I called back several times since then and no one ever reported them or turned them in. And I don’t really care. I mean they’re just (“YOU KNOW”) prescription glasses and, plus, my eye is infected on the inside of the eyelid. It’s very bad. Very bad. The crystal doesn’t seem to work. (“IN”) The hot washcloths don’t seem to work and, of course, it’s a holiday weekend so there’s not really anything I can do. (“AN”) I wouldn’t think I would’ve had to do anything but I’m just totally upset. (“SO I WAS”) I was upset with Mighael — trying to communicate (“HIM”) by throwing down slips of paper and I wasn’t getting conclusive answers. And Mighael’s a liar anyway so I said, “Are you a liar?” And the answer was “No.” I mean it’s disgusting but funny in a sick way. (“BUT THEN”) I was just so upset. “I hate you I hate you I hate you.” (“YOU KNOW”) Hate. And so then my father calls out of nowhere and says, “Detestament.” He was thinking about titles, I guess, and he just said, “Detestament.” And then he said something to the effect of ‘I am all alone. Just like the rest.’ And, of course, that’s all I needed to hear. I also read a horoscope in one of those gay magazines I brought back from APLA and it said — well, I’ll read it so you can see why I was so angry. “Oh, My Starz!” by Lady Katherine Connella from Genre number 49, June 1997. It says for Leo: “Oh dear . . . This is the shittiest month of the year for you, so resign yourself to impending disaster. You’re doomed to experience more than your share of despair, misery, worry, and unhappiness. Expect some cruelty as well, along with justifiable anxiety over a loved one. Sounds fabulous, doesn’t it? Oh well, invest in a guitar — at least maybe you’ll become the next Morrissey.”
( . . . )
Q: Well, anyway, boy did it ever come true. I didn’t get much transcribing done. I’m transcribing “Ramola” (Karen Black imitation) or what’s her name — Ramona Bell’s conversation and, boy, what a strange ending that conversation had. I thought it was going okay. I mean I didn’t really say anything that I thought was that disturbing and all of a sudden she just became very — I don’t know what the word is. She sounded a lot like Peggy Watts. They might have some shared ancestry even.
( . . . )
Q: Anyway, I’ve since tried to apologize to Mighael but I’m not happy and I don’t think Mighael is. I don’t know. I just don’t understand it. Well, I do understand it. It’s just I don’t think Mighael appreciates all that I’ve been through in terms of what I’ve had on my mind and the small little tests that He arranges are ridiculous in comparison to what I’ve been through and what I’m doing. (“AND IT DOES”) And that might sound like, ‘Well everyone can find excuses to do what’s best for them and not always — every little morality test that God might devise but yet — I don’t know. What am I trying to say? My whole purpose of my book is to bring people closer to God. But if that isn’t the way it’s going, that isn’t the way it’s going. I don’t know. I have to feel that love for God. Whenever I don’t love God, it’s because there’s something that I’m worried about in myself. And my tape recorder’s making weird noises now so I’m just going to go to bed. I just keep telling Mighael (“THAT”) the love He takes is equal to the love He makes.
( . . . )
Q: So just to put things in the right perspective, who knows what sins I’m atoning for from past lives?
( . . . )
Q: It’s Sunday morning around ten and I already had a call from my realtor who says that there is someone who wants to make an offer on my condo. Lowball. And then I had to call my doctor — who’s out of town. Probably having a nice vacation somewhere and, anyway, Cathy, his assistant, called me back and said it was probably a clogged gland. So I told her what I was doing and she said that was right and — anyway, at least I’m not nervous that it’s something worse than that. I don’t know. It’s very humbling.
( . . . )
Q: I just told God that I never wavered in my love for God. I just wavered in my love for me and I just can’t stand me anymore.
( . . . )
Q: I’m getting ready to go to the farmers market. There’s no PRS this weekend — odd for a church, wouldn’t you say? And, anyway, my old sense of humor is back. I’m thinking of funny things to say and work into conversations. But what do you think about that whole conversation with Ramona Bell? Hmmm. If Art does have a problem getting it up or getting it down or whatever, I think I know why now. I mean talk about Bell witch. Just kidding. Sort of. Back to my old humble self.
( . . . )
Q: I mean I don’t think I said anything that was that disagreeable, do you? I guess people really do have a nervous breakdown when they hear somebody who tells the simple truth. ‘Oh my God. Somebody’s telling the simple truth. Oh my God!’
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: MY MOTHER HAS HER TELEVISION SET ON IN THE BACKGROUND AS SHE USUALLY DOES DURING MY EVERY-OTHER-WEEKEND VISIT. I BROUGHT HER THE FAST FOOD SHE WANTED ALONG WITH HER GROCERIES AND TURNED ON MY TAPE RECORDER WHEN IT MADE HER REGURGITATE. MY MOTHER’S FOOD COMES FROM PAVILIONS. SINCE TAPING THIS, I’VE LEARNED YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO CHECK TO MAKE SURE THE VEGETABLE BURGERS DON’T HAVE CHEESE IN THEM.)
(“BUT UH” “SO THAT”)
Q: Every time you eat those hamburgers — even if it’s cheeseburgers or Big Macs, they always come back up like that. I wonder why? (“CAUSE ALL”)
L: All the food I eat —
Q: Is it the chemicals? Oh — is it all the food?
L: I’m just getting old.
Q: I do that sometimes even with vegetable burgers.
L: I’m getting old. My throat is not what it used to be.
Q: Well, I think it’s the meat too because they inject so much chemicals into those poor cows. (“I”) I’m even worried about the milk as I’ve said numerous times before.
L: (regurgitates)
Q: Oh Ellen, do you want — here, let me give you a napkin. What are you coughing up?
( . . . )
Q: But why would you eat hamburgers after choking like that? I’m not going to get those for you anymore.
L: Honey, it doesn’t make me —
Q: The vegetable burger last time — (“PART”) it wasn’t that bad.
L: Well —
Q: Well maybe you should see a nutritionist. (“NIGH”) What do you need?
L: It’s just that, you know, after you get old —
Q: Oh come on, you can’t — (“YOU NEED”) maybe you should see a doctor.
( . . . )
Q: See, this is the Bodhi Tree Bookstore quarterly (issue number 16). You’ll notice it starts here on page ten with the various book listings. And look — right on the first page there’s mine. (reading) “Testament transcribed by Mark Russell Bell / $21.95. 1,100 pp. paper. ISBN 0965491609. Oracle Press.” (“N I L”) Well, here, I’ll read to you what it says. “A research expedition to investigate a ‘talking poltergeist — ‘” hi, Tibby. (purrs) “— hauntingly — ” oh, she purred.
Ahhhhhh.
L: She talks all the time. She wants my hamburger is what she wants. (“NO”)
Q: Okay, anyway, ” — evolves into a case study of the individual Nostradamus called ‘Mabus’/’the son.’
“Testament begins with Oklahoma’s Bell-Mc Wethy family (seen on ‘Ghosts, Mediums, Psychics Put To The Test” and “20/20″) discussing their interaction with the all-knowing Spirit ‘Michael.” Mark Russell Bell—a Paramount Pictures publicity writer—realizes this is the Angel in a chain of events proving God’s existence.
“Mabus is a New Age Jesus who apprenticed as ‘a carpenter in the Hollywood dream factory.’ He shares intimate details of his relationship with Michael, the Holy Ghost.
“The book’s Q&A/journal format presents events sometimes labeled ‘supernatural’ or ‘miraculous.’ Never-before-seen color photos are provided of spirits, a bigfoot and other phenomena.” (“ISN’T THAT GOOD”) Wouldn’t you buy that if you read that? (“CELEBRATE” “I DON’T KNOW”) Okay.
L: (hard to distinguish)
Q: I know you don’t. And this is more your speed. I picked it up to show you because everyone was talking about it. Did you hear about the National Enquirer with —
L: Are those for me?
Q: — this article about “Who’s Gay, Who’s Not.”
L: Are those for me?
Q: You can borrow it. Sure. But, anyway — (“NO”) but I wanted to (“ADD THIS”) —
L: Well no. (“BECAUSE I”) I’m the one that told you they were coming out.
Q: Oh you told me that? (“REMEMBER”) Michael told me about it too.
L: Remember I told you that they — (“A HEAD” “HANDED”) he always does that. I told you about — you know, that guy.
Q: Where did you hear about the Enquirer outing all these people?
L: I told you that I — “Geraldo.” Every Friday afternoon they have — it’s called “Celebrity Gossip.”
Q: Oh, that’s so tacky.
L: Oh, I like it.
Q: Well, anyway, but —
L: Oh yeah I like them. (“BUT UM”)
Q: But the article’s bogus because it’s just sort of innuendo. The people that are already out —
L: Who?
Q: — they include —
L: Is there anybody new?
Q: Well, for example, it says, “Dolly Parton — ”
L: Well, no, he said that.
Q: It quotes her publicist Cindi Berger saying —
L: Who’s Cindi —
Q: — “Dolly Parton is not a lesbian.” And then, for example, it quotes Nicole Kidman as saying about her and her husband, Tom Cruise, “We’re both heterosexual.” And then Whitney Houston says, “I’m not a lesbian. I have a daughter, for God’s sake.” And then Cindy Crawford says about Richard Gere, “Like when does he have time to be gay? For me, it’s like Sharon Stone has said, ‘It doesn’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that schwing.'” And then — (“THAT’S”)
L: That’s a quote.
Q: — Paul Reubens says he dates “lots of girls, but not too publicly, since a lot of girls would not want to be known as dating Pee-wee.” And then, of course, they have Matt LeBlanc — his manager Camille Cerio says, “Matt is not gay!” And then —
L: Well he looks it. (“AND”) And acts it.
Q: Oh please. And then: “Chad and his spokespersons say, ‘No comment.'”
L: Who. (“CHAD AL”)
Q: Chad Allen.
L: I don’t know who he is. (“AND”)
Q: Richard Chamberlain — listen to this. This is a great quote from Richard Chamberlain.
L: Oh, he is.
Q: “I’ve obviously become the prime target for people who’ve branded me gay just because I’m confirmed bachelor, live with a man and have always been extremely private about my personal life.”
L: Well he is. It’s common knowledge. Even I know he’s gay.
Q: And then Keanu Reeves —
L: He’s come out before and said he’s gay.
Q: — quote: “That article is absolutely not true.”
L: Well I don’t know about him. (“CARES”) Who cares if they’re gay or not gay?
Q: Elton John says, “I just wish more of my fellow queers would come out sometimes.”
L: Well now that’s the honest thing.
Q: But you know what is so funny — (“THEY HH”) they interview Dr. Carole Lieberman and she says about women, “They’re able to connect with each other and share a closeness they can’t get from men.”
L: Well that’s true but they don’t have to have sex. There’s so much other — I mean I —
Q: Look at this picture of Madonna kissing Ingrid Casaras.
L: Most of those —
Q: Do you think she’s a lesbian?
L: — who? (“DID I”)
Q: Madonna. (“I” “NO”)
L: No.
Q: But, look, there’s her pissing — I mean kissing Ingrid.
L: I don’t think — (“I”) I don’t think most of them are lesbians.
Q: I think every one is.
L: Well I don’t.
Q: I think it’s society’s ‘dirty’ secret (“NOW”) going all the way back to Adam and Eve.
( . . . )
Q: Well, I’m going to keep this one because I want to add it to my website.
L: Can’t I give it to you next time?
Q: No, I’ll bring it back next time.
L: Oh, you’re not going to add that to your website.
Q: I am.
L: No. Don’t be stupid. (“JUST NN”)
Q: Just what we talked about. (“ELTON” “NO JUST LISTEN” “YOU KNOW”)
L: What’s that got to do with anything?
Q: Oh come on.
L: Oh come on.
Q: Please. (“IT’S”)
L: No.
Q: You don’t like — (“THIS IS”) there’s no good articles in this. There’s nothing in this. (I flip through it) Oh my God. Pamela. What has happened to Pamela Lee?
L: Okay, you can have —
Q: She’s ninety-eight pounds. Look at her legs. (“SHE’S LIKE”) Oh my God, she looks like a living skeleton.
L: That’s what mine look like.
Q: Oh my — and look at — Arnold Schwarzenegger is smoking a cigar after his heart surgery?
L: I don’t know.
Q: You know, that’s like smoking a whole pack of cigarettes. (“I AM”) What’s wrong with him? Does he think he’s immortal?
L: Probably.
Q: And there’s good ol’ O.J. with Sydney.
L: You can have that one article.
Q: And you can’t wait to read this other stuff. (“YEAH”) What about this “Cops: Our Case Against Mommy & Daddy” about JonBenet.
L: I wish they’d hurry up and get —
Q: Look at her. (“THERE SHE’S ALL”) Look at her on the cover. Isn’t she pretty?
L: No.
Q: Was pretty, I should say.
L: She looks like —
Q: Now look at these stars —
L: She looks like a little —
Q: Is that a good picture of Tom Cruise?
L: She looks like a little whore.
Q: Doesn’t he look terrible?
L: Oh, he looks fine.
Q: What I always do is I always — (“HONEY”)
L: Honey —
Q: I always put my hands around their eyes. (“HE’S A” “BECAUSE”) Just by looking at their eyes, you see — they’re the true window of the soul and you can see just how happy or unhappy someone is (“SO LOOK”) just by looking at the eyes. And what do you see?
L: He looks happy enough to me.
Q: No, just the eyes. Just look at the eyes. (“YEAH I KNOW”)
L: He looks happy enough.
Q: I think he looks like a very scared —
L: He’s got merry-looking eyes. No.
Q: — and unhappy individual. (“NOW”) The only one who I would say really looked happy is Dolly Parton. Maybe John Travolta. (I check each one) Oh the other ones look happy enough (except JonBenet).
L: I think John Travolta.
Q: Matt LeBlanc never looks happy. I’ve never seen a picture of him smiling before.
L: Of all the ones there, I would say that Matt LeBlanc is gay.
Q: (laughs) Who is Matt LeBlanc? (“HE JUST LOOK”)
L: He’s on “Friends.” (“HE LOOKS” “YOU”)
Q: I know but I’ve never seen “Friends.”
L: He acts gay. (“OH WELL”) I’ve watched it a couple times. It’s not worth looking at.
Q: Oh well. Okay, well I’ll just take that one article.
L: He’s the one that dated Julia Roberts for a while. Talk about her — I don’t know what happened.
Q: Who else is on “Friends”?
L: Courtenay Cox, Matt LeBlanc — no, I’m thinking of Matthew Perry.
Q: (gasps) (“NO”)
L: No no no — Matthew Perry’s the one that dated — no.
Q: Okay, okay. So which one’s the ‘gay’ one? (“AA[M]”)
L: LeBlanc.
Q: They all are. (“I ME[AN]”)
( . . . )
Q: The reason why I say I have contacted 66.6 media outlets is because one of them is an Internut — net website: Harry Knowles with his “aint-it-cool-news.” So that’s why it isn’t “67.” That’s why it’s “66.6” instead of 67.
( . . . )
Q: See, that’s what’s so — whenever you have something wrong with you, (“JUST”) it’s not knowing what it is that’s so distressing. (“YOU KNOW”) Just not knowing is what is so distressing (“CAUSE I”) because now that I know it’s just something minor it doesn’t really bother me. Now have you been using your beautiful heart-shaped crystal?
L: Why don’t you rub that on your eye?
Q: I have one at home that I’ve been using.
L: I don’t call that a crystal. I call that a quartz. (“MINE”)
Q: Well, it’s a crystal. I got it at the PRS. It’s a (“GOOD”) crystal — (“IT’S A”) healing crystal. I gave Michael — no, I didn’t — I gave Paul one and I’m trying to get Michael (to get) one for his gout.
( . . . )
Q: And look at this picture of the hamster. It’s not a “gerbil.” That’s a hamster. It says, “Stressed-Out Mom Arrested For Killing Kids’ Pet Gerbil” (“WELL THEY”) by James McCandlish.
L: They’re gerbils.
Q: They’re hamsters. There’s a difference between gerbils and hamsters.
L: No. (“THEY”RE”) They’re gerbils. (“BUT”)
Q: I remember that one of the most horrendous experiences of my life was when I went in, picked up my hamster and it was having babies. And because I picked up the hamster, it started eating the babies. I looked at it and it was eating the head off right in front of me. That was probably one of the most horrific things of my childhood. Do you remember that?
L: I remember you told me about it.
Q: Oh my God. That was the worst thing. So, anyway, so — okay, (“SO”) so I’m going to add a few things to my website — (“MY”) National Enquirer and things. So now what do you want to say (“FOR”) for the mother’s viewpoint?
L: Honey, I don’t have —
Q: About my book and about my website and about my —
L: Honey, I told you I don’t —
Q: — newfound popularity on the Internet?
L: I haven’t seen any popularity.
Q: Neither have I. In fact, I just turned down a national radio interview.
L: I know you told me.
Q: I’m just saying her name was Ramona Bell —
L: I know but the name — all you got to do is mention “Bell” to you and you go berserk.
Q: Well, I didn’t go —
L: Rrrriiinnnggg.
Q: — well, I was shocked. (“NO”) I was shocked. (“WILD” “BECAUSE”)
( . . . )
Q: What were you saying? You were talking so fast. (“WELL NO I”) What did you say?
L: It was mean so I said it fast.
Q: What did you say?
L: I don’t like to repeat it. I said, “Wouldn’t she be surprised if she found out that that wasn’t your name, Bell, at all.” (laughs)
Q: Stop cackling like a witch. (“WAIT”) Here, I want you — (“HERE WELL LOO[K]”) this is the letter I sent them and tell me what you think.
( . . . )
L: And I’ll never forget what Susan Clark said to me, “Ellen — ”
Q: Who’s that? Susan Clark?
L: At work.
Q: Oh.
L: She said, “Ellen, kiss.”
Q: Kiss?
L: And I thought what is that? You know, we were at a meeting and (“I SAID”) she said, “Don’t you know what that means? And everybody else was looking at her too. She was big and fat. (“ISH” “SHE” “IT SAID”) “Keep It Simple, Stupid.” (laughs) I thought that — I never forgot that. “Keep It Simple, Stupid.”
( . . . )
Q: I plan on stopping by that little paperback store. What’s it called again? (“WOODY” “BOOK RACK”) Book Rack? I’m hoping they’ll have ‘When Lovers Return to Lovers.’ (“OR”) ‘The Return of the Prodigal Son’ or something.
L: $5 bill?
Q: Something romantic. (“FIVE DOLLAR BILL”) What I worry about when I do your shopping is that I’m enabling you to live in less than wonderful circumstances.
L There’s five dollars for gas.
Q: Are you giving — oh, Ellen, I don’t want your money.
L: I want you — no, it’d make me feel better, honey.
Q: Ellen, please. Well, when are we going to go see the retirement (“HOME”) hotel? The beautiful retirement hotel? I want you to live in nice circumstances. (“I”)
L: I’m fine here.
Q: Call her up (case worker) and have the maid service come in. Will you promise to do that for me?
L: No, I won’t promise.
Q: Well why not? I want that to be done. I can really be a bitch sometimes and I’m being one now.
L: Well honey . . .
Q: Well, then, will you please do it? Call her.
L: I’ll think about it.
Q: Promise me you will.
L: I promised I’d think about it. (“NO”)
Q: Promise you’ll do it.
L: Now please let’s not start . . .
Q: I’m a giver not a taker.
L: I’m sorry . . .
Q: No, I know. I’m just saying — (“NO”) but I want — if you’re not going to see the beautiful retirement hotel that’s waiting for you —
L: I will, dear.
Q: — that Mighael channeled me to take you to.
L: I hope you’ll be there . . .
Q: Just like He channeled that Ensure.
L: Mark, (“IT’LL BE”) . . .
Q: I know but I want you to have a good life now.
L: You worry about your own life right now.
Q: I just want a housekeeper to come in and do the carpeting, fix the toilet —
L: The toilet — (“ALL”)
Q: — do the vacuuming.
L: Honey, all I have to do is call.
Q: Clean the windows.
L: No, I don’t care about the windows.
Q: I do. What are you thinking about? What?
L: Well I got to worry about you, your not working —
Q: Don’t worry about me. (“WELL”) Mighael will take care of me — (“HE’LL”) lead me to the opportunities.
L: Do you think you’ll ever live with Michael?
Q: If they ever threw him out on the street I probably would let him live with me. (“NO I’M TALKING ABOUT”)
L: I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about him. Would he ever let you live with him? (“NO”)
Q: Well he doesn’t have room for me. I know that.
L: James won’t be there forever.
Q: Well Michael’s now thinking of giving his house back to the bank and moving in with Steve.
L: Giving it back?
Q: Yeah. Because it just isn’t worth (“WHAT”) what he paid for it. (“WHAT”)
L: What — well no kidding. You told him that in the beginning.
Q: (noticing) Michael Levine on TV. (“AND”)
L: Michael and —
( . . . )
Q: You know I had lunch before I came. Now what were you saying? So — about men and women?
L: I mean I knew from a very young age that men and women —
Q: Are two different — it’s like they’re two different sexes. (“WELL THEY”)
L: No kidding. Of course they are. But they think, “Well, women should — ”
Q: Who’s they?
L: Everybody today. All the psychiatrists and all the psychologists.
Q: Well, first of all, I just wish people would do what’s in their heart instead of doing what people think society approves of. That’s how we got into this mess to begin with.
L: The most important thing —
Q: Look at that. On TV they’re, like, fucking right in front of everyone.
L: Do we really need this on television? (“DO”) Do they think —
Q: He doesn’t even have a good body.
L: Well, it’s not only that.
Q: And she’s anorexic.
L: Why do you think that lovemaking except at —
Q: It’s not sexy. It’s the context. (“I’M” “WELL”)
L: I mean frankly I don’t —
Q: “Entertainment Tonight.” I never — Mighael doesn’t usually let me watch TV but when I’m over here.
L: Well, I don’t watch — I very rarely watch —
Q: This is a Paramount show.
L: — “ET” anymore because it’s gotten so —
Q: Linda Bell Blue is the executive producer. (gasps) Another Bell.
( . . . )
Q: Paul Russell on what show?
L: No. Just his name.
Q: What show was this though? (“I CAN’T RE”) “Star Trek: The Next Generation”?
L: Usually I don’t — (“USUALLY”) no.
Q: Ellen, you’re getting good on synchronicity. Good for you.
L: Please. I mean Paul Russell is hardly a name that —
Q: Well you married him. That’ll do it.
L: No kidding. Well, of course, it will do it. And you’ve got — I mean I was not the kind . . .
Q: The theme was by Michael Mark. Oh that’s funny. They’re on a rollercoaster. Look at this. This is all rollercoaster footage.
L: I can remember when I met Paul. You know where he was living?
Q: Where?
L: He had a room — (“NO” “HE HAD”) he had a nice room.
Q: (reading from end credits) “UFO: The Untold Story.”
L: And he lived right down . . .
Q: I just want to hear about the child abuse.
L: There wasn’t any child abuse. You know there wasn’t.
Q: What about the third sibling? How about the third sibling?
L: I don’t know of any third sibling, honey. (“DON’T”) You’ll have to ask somebody else. I —
Q: I want at least one family secret revealed.
L: Well I’m sorry, Mark, you had a very ordinary —
Q: Except for the phenomena.
( . . . )
Q: (speaking into tape recorder) I’m driving home. The Book Rack is closed today but I brought some CDs to listen to. In fact, one of them just reminds me how different truth is from fiction and how glamorous the movies always make everything.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: I RECORD SONG AND MUSIC EXCERPTS FROM THIS SOUNDTRACK ALBUM CD.)
NORA: A son was born again A genius unchained A life of wealth and fame wealth and fame
( . . . )
Our chief concern is money earning Why can’t someone set us free? Can’t you feel him?
( . . . )
TOMMY: You’ll feel me coming A new vibration From afar you’ll see me I’m a sensation
( . . . )
THE WHO: Outside the house Mr. Simpson announced That Sally couldn’t go to the meeting He went on cleaning his black Rolls Royce She ran inside weeping She got to her room and tears splashed the picture of the new Messiah She picked up a book of her father’s life And threw it on the fire
( . . . )
CONVERTS: Your freedom doesn’t reach us Enlightenment escapes us Awareness doesn’t shape us How can all this trivia Take us to the goal you reached?
( . . . )
TOMMY: Now you can’t hear me Your eyes are truly sealed You can’t speak either ‘Cos your mouth is filled
( . . . )
CONVERTS: We’re not gona take it Never did and never will
( . . . )
Q: Well, anyway, boy did it ever come true. I didn’t get much transcribing done. I’m transcribing “Ramola” (Karen Black imitation) or what’s her name — Ramona Bell’s conversation and, boy, what a strange ending that conversation had. I thought it was going okay. I mean I didn’t really say anything that I thought was that disturbing and all of a sudden she just became very — I don’t know what the word is. She sounded a lot like Peggy Watts. They might have some shared ancestry even.
( . . . )
Q: Anyway, I’ve since tried to apologize to Mighael but I’m not happy and I don’t think Mighael is. I don’t know. I just don’t understand it. Well, I do understand it. It’s just I don’t think Mighael appreciates all that I’ve been through in terms of what I’ve had on my mind and the small little tests that He arranges are ridiculous in comparison to what I’ve been through and what I’m doing. (“AND IT DOES”) And that might sound like, ‘Well everyone can find excuses to do what’s best for them and not always — every little morality test that God might devise but yet — I don’t know. What am I trying to say? My whole purpose of my book is to bring people closer to God. But if that isn’t the way it’s going, that isn’t the way it’s going. I don’t know. I have to feel that love for God. Whenever I don’t love God, it’s because there’s something that I’m worried about in myself. And my tape recorder’s making weird noises now so I’m just going to go to bed. I just keep telling Mighael (“THAT”) the love He takes is equal to the love He makes.
( . . . )
Q: So just to put things in the right perspective, who knows what sins I’m atoning for from past lives?
( . . . )
Q: It’s Sunday morning around ten and I already had a call from my realtor who says that there is someone who wants to make an offer on my condo. Lowball. And then I had to call my doctor — who’s out of town. Probably having a nice vacation somewhere and, anyway, Cathy, his assistant, called me back and said it was probably a clogged gland. So I told her what I was doing and she said that was right and — anyway, at least I’m not nervous that it’s something worse than that. I don’t know. It’s very humbling.
( . . . )
Q: I just told God that I never wavered in my love for God. I just wavered in my love for me and I just can’t stand me anymore.
( . . . )
Q: I’m getting ready to go to the farmers market. There’s no PRS this weekend — odd for a church, wouldn’t you say? And, anyway, my old sense of humor is back. I’m thinking of funny things to say and work into conversations. But what do you think about that whole conversation with Ramona Bell? Hmmm. If Art does have a problem getting it up or getting it down or whatever, I think I know why now. I mean talk about Bell witch. Just kidding. Sort of. Back to my old humble self.
( . . . )
Q: I mean I don’t think I said anything that was that disagreeable, do you? I guess people really do have a nervous breakdown when they hear somebody who tells the simple truth. ‘Oh my God. Somebody’s telling the simple truth. Oh my God!’
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: MY MOTHER HAS HER TELEVISION SET ON IN THE BACKGROUND AS SHE USUALLY DOES DURING MY EVERY-OTHER-WEEKEND VISIT. I BROUGHT HER THE FAST FOOD SHE WANTED ALONG WITH HER GROCERIES AND TURNED ON MY TAPE RECORDER WHEN IT MADE HER REGURGITATE. MY MOTHER’S FOOD COMES FROM PAVILIONS. SINCE TAPING THIS, I’VE LEARNED YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO CHECK TO MAKE SURE THE VEGETABLE BURGERS DON’T HAVE CHEESE IN THEM.)
(“BUT UH” “SO THAT”)
Q: Every time you eat those hamburgers — even if it’s cheeseburgers or Big Macs, they always come back up like that. I wonder why? (“CAUSE ALL”)
L: All the food I eat —
Q: Is it the chemicals? Oh — is it all the food?
L: I’m just getting old.
Q: I do that sometimes even with vegetable burgers.
L: I’m getting old. My throat is not what it used to be.
Q: Well, I think it’s the meat too because they inject so much chemicals into those poor cows. (“I”) I’m even worried about the milk as I’ve said numerous times before.
L: (regurgitates)
Q: Oh Ellen, do you want — here, let me give you a napkin. What are you coughing up?
( . . . )
Q: But why would you eat hamburgers after choking like that? I’m not going to get those for you anymore.
L: Honey, it doesn’t make me —
Q: The vegetable burger last time — (“PART”) it wasn’t that bad.
L: Well —
Q: Well maybe you should see a nutritionist. (“NIGH”) What do you need?
L: It’s just that, you know, after you get old —
Q: Oh come on, you can’t — (“YOU NEED”) maybe you should see a doctor.
( . . . )
Q: See, this is the Bodhi Tree Bookstore quarterly (issue number 16). You’ll notice it starts here on page ten with the various book listings. And look — right on the first page there’s mine. (reading) “Testament transcribed by Mark Russell Bell / $21.95. 1,100 pp. paper. ISBN 0965491609. Oracle Press.” (“N I L”) Well, here, I’ll read to you what it says. “A research expedition to investigate a ‘talking poltergeist — ‘” hi, Tibby. (purrs) “— hauntingly — ” oh, she purred.
Ahhhhhh.
L: She talks all the time. She wants my hamburger is what she wants. (“NO”)
Q: Okay, anyway, ” — evolves into a case study of the individual Nostradamus called ‘Mabus’/’the son.’
“Testament begins with Oklahoma’s Bell-Mc Wethy family (seen on ‘Ghosts, Mediums, Psychics Put To The Test” and “20/20″) discussing their interaction with the all-knowing Spirit ‘Michael.” Mark Russell Bell—a Paramount Pictures publicity writer—realizes this is the Angel in a chain of events proving God’s existence.
“Mabus is a New Age Jesus who apprenticed as ‘a carpenter in the Hollywood dream factory.’ He shares intimate details of his relationship with Michael, the Holy Ghost.
“The book’s Q&A/journal format presents events sometimes labeled ‘supernatural’ or ‘miraculous.’ Never-before-seen color photos are provided of spirits, a bigfoot and other phenomena.” (“ISN’T THAT GOOD”) Wouldn’t you buy that if you read that? (“CELEBRATE” “I DON’T KNOW”) Okay.
L: (hard to distinguish)
Q: I know you don’t. And this is more your speed. I picked it up to show you because everyone was talking about it. Did you hear about the National Enquirer with —
L: Are those for me?
Q: — this article about “Who’s Gay, Who’s Not.”
L: Are those for me?
Q: You can borrow it. Sure. But, anyway — (“NO”) but I wanted to (“ADD THIS”) —
L: Well no. (“BECAUSE I”) I’m the one that told you they were coming out.
Q: Oh you told me that? (“REMEMBER”) Michael told me about it too.
L: Remember I told you that they — (“A HEAD” “HANDED”) he always does that. I told you about — you know, that guy.
Q: Where did you hear about the Enquirer outing all these people?
L: I told you that I — “Geraldo.” Every Friday afternoon they have — it’s called “Celebrity Gossip.”
Q: Oh, that’s so tacky.
L: Oh, I like it.
Q: Well, anyway, but —
L: Oh yeah I like them. (“BUT UM”)
Q: But the article’s bogus because it’s just sort of innuendo. The people that are already out —
L: Who?
Q: — they include —
L: Is there anybody new?
Q: Well, for example, it says, “Dolly Parton — ”
L: Well, no, he said that.
Q: It quotes her publicist Cindi Berger saying —
L: Who’s Cindi —
Q: — “Dolly Parton is not a lesbian.” And then, for example, it quotes Nicole Kidman as saying about her and her husband, Tom Cruise, “We’re both heterosexual.” And then Whitney Houston says, “I’m not a lesbian. I have a daughter, for God’s sake.” And then Cindy Crawford says about Richard Gere, “Like when does he have time to be gay? For me, it’s like Sharon Stone has said, ‘It doesn’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that schwing.'” And then — (“THAT’S”)
L: That’s a quote.
Q: — Paul Reubens says he dates “lots of girls, but not too publicly, since a lot of girls would not want to be known as dating Pee-wee.” And then, of course, they have Matt LeBlanc — his manager Camille Cerio says, “Matt is not gay!” And then —
L: Well he looks it. (“AND”) And acts it.
Q: Oh please. And then: “Chad and his spokespersons say, ‘No comment.'”
L: Who. (“CHAD AL”)
Q: Chad Allen.
L: I don’t know who he is. (“AND”)
Q: Richard Chamberlain — listen to this. This is a great quote from Richard Chamberlain.
L: Oh, he is.
Q: “I’ve obviously become the prime target for people who’ve branded me gay just because I’m confirmed bachelor, live with a man and have always been extremely private about my personal life.”
L: Well he is. It’s common knowledge. Even I know he’s gay.
Q: And then Keanu Reeves —
L: He’s come out before and said he’s gay.
Q: — quote: “That article is absolutely not true.”
L: Well I don’t know about him. (“CARES”) Who cares if they’re gay or not gay?
Q: Elton John says, “I just wish more of my fellow queers would come out sometimes.”
L: Well now that’s the honest thing.
Q: But you know what is so funny — (“THEY HH”) they interview Dr. Carole Lieberman and she says about women, “They’re able to connect with each other and share a closeness they can’t get from men.”
L: Well that’s true but they don’t have to have sex. There’s so much other — I mean I —
Q: Look at this picture of Madonna kissing Ingrid Casaras.
L: Most of those —
Q: Do you think she’s a lesbian?
L: — who? (“DID I”)
Q: Madonna. (“I” “NO”)
L: No.
Q: But, look, there’s her pissing — I mean kissing Ingrid.
L: I don’t think — (“I”) I don’t think most of them are lesbians.
Q: I think every one is.
L: Well I don’t.
Q: I think it’s society’s ‘dirty’ secret (“NOW”) going all the way back to Adam and Eve.
( . . . )
Q: Well, I’m going to keep this one because I want to add it to my website.
L: Can’t I give it to you next time?
Q: No, I’ll bring it back next time.
L: Oh, you’re not going to add that to your website.
Q: I am.
L: No. Don’t be stupid. (“JUST NN”)
Q: Just what we talked about. (“ELTON” “NO JUST LISTEN” “YOU KNOW”)
L: What’s that got to do with anything?
Q: Oh come on.
L: Oh come on.
Q: Please. (“IT’S”)
L: No.
Q: You don’t like — (“THIS IS”) there’s no good articles in this. There’s nothing in this. (I flip through it) Oh my God. Pamela. What has happened to Pamela Lee?
L: Okay, you can have —
Q: She’s ninety-eight pounds. Look at her legs. (“SHE’S LIKE”) Oh my God, she looks like a living skeleton.
L: That’s what mine look like.
Q: Oh my — and look at — Arnold Schwarzenegger is smoking a cigar after his heart surgery?
L: I don’t know.
Q: You know, that’s like smoking a whole pack of cigarettes. (“I AM”) What’s wrong with him? Does he think he’s immortal?
L: Probably.
Q: And there’s good ol’ O.J. with Sydney.
L: You can have that one article.
Q: And you can’t wait to read this other stuff. (“YEAH”) What about this “Cops: Our Case Against Mommy & Daddy” about JonBenet.
L: I wish they’d hurry up and get —
Q: Look at her. (“THERE SHE’S ALL”) Look at her on the cover. Isn’t she pretty?
L: No.
Q: Was pretty, I should say.
L: She looks like —
Q: Now look at these stars —
L: She looks like a little —
Q: Is that a good picture of Tom Cruise?
L: She looks like a little whore.
Q: Doesn’t he look terrible?
L: Oh, he looks fine.
Q: What I always do is I always — (“HONEY”)
L: Honey —
Q: I always put my hands around their eyes. (“HE’S A” “BECAUSE”) Just by looking at their eyes, you see — they’re the true window of the soul and you can see just how happy or unhappy someone is (“SO LOOK”) just by looking at the eyes. And what do you see?
L: He looks happy enough to me.
Q: No, just the eyes. Just look at the eyes. (“YEAH I KNOW”)
L: He looks happy enough.
Q: I think he looks like a very scared —
L: He’s got merry-looking eyes. No.
Q: — and unhappy individual. (“NOW”) The only one who I would say really looked happy is Dolly Parton. Maybe John Travolta. (I check each one) Oh the other ones look happy enough (except JonBenet).
L: I think John Travolta.
Q: Matt LeBlanc never looks happy. I’ve never seen a picture of him smiling before.
L: Of all the ones there, I would say that Matt LeBlanc is gay.
Q: (laughs) Who is Matt LeBlanc? (“HE JUST LOOK”)
L: He’s on “Friends.” (“HE LOOKS” “YOU”)
Q: I know but I’ve never seen “Friends.”
L: He acts gay. (“OH WELL”) I’ve watched it a couple times. It’s not worth looking at.
Q: Oh well. Okay, well I’ll just take that one article.
L: He’s the one that dated Julia Roberts for a while. Talk about her — I don’t know what happened.
Q: Who else is on “Friends”?
L: Courtenay Cox, Matt LeBlanc — no, I’m thinking of Matthew Perry.
Q: (gasps) (“NO”)
L: No no no — Matthew Perry’s the one that dated — no.
Q: Okay, okay. So which one’s the ‘gay’ one? (“AA[M]”)
L: LeBlanc.
Q: They all are. (“I ME[AN]”)
( . . . )
Q: The reason why I say I have contacted 66.6 media outlets is because one of them is an Internut — net website: Harry Knowles with his “aint-it-cool-news.” So that’s why it isn’t “67.” That’s why it’s “66.6” instead of 67.
( . . . )
Q: See, that’s what’s so — whenever you have something wrong with you, (“JUST”) it’s not knowing what it is that’s so distressing. (“YOU KNOW”) Just not knowing is what is so distressing (“CAUSE I”) because now that I know it’s just something minor it doesn’t really bother me. Now have you been using your beautiful heart-shaped crystal?
L: Why don’t you rub that on your eye?
Q: I have one at home that I’ve been using.
L: I don’t call that a crystal. I call that a quartz. (“MINE”)
Q: Well, it’s a crystal. I got it at the PRS. It’s a (“GOOD”) crystal — (“IT’S A”) healing crystal. I gave Michael — no, I didn’t — I gave Paul one and I’m trying to get Michael (to get) one for his gout.
( . . . )
Q: And look at this picture of the hamster. It’s not a “gerbil.” That’s a hamster. It says, “Stressed-Out Mom Arrested For Killing Kids’ Pet Gerbil” (“WELL THEY”) by James McCandlish.
L: They’re gerbils.
Q: They’re hamsters. There’s a difference between gerbils and hamsters.
L: No. (“THEY”RE”) They’re gerbils. (“BUT”)
Q: I remember that one of the most horrendous experiences of my life was when I went in, picked up my hamster and it was having babies. And because I picked up the hamster, it started eating the babies. I looked at it and it was eating the head off right in front of me. That was probably one of the most horrific things of my childhood. Do you remember that?
L: I remember you told me about it.
Q: Oh my God. That was the worst thing. So, anyway, so — okay, (“SO”) so I’m going to add a few things to my website — (“MY”) National Enquirer and things. So now what do you want to say (“FOR”) for the mother’s viewpoint?
L: Honey, I don’t have —
Q: About my book and about my website and about my —
L: Honey, I told you I don’t —
Q: — newfound popularity on the Internet?
L: I haven’t seen any popularity.
Q: Neither have I. In fact, I just turned down a national radio interview.
L: I know you told me.
Q: I’m just saying her name was Ramona Bell —
L: I know but the name — all you got to do is mention “Bell” to you and you go berserk.
Q: Well, I didn’t go —
L: Rrrriiinnnggg.
Q: — well, I was shocked. (“NO”) I was shocked. (“WILD” “BECAUSE”)
( . . . )
Q: What were you saying? You were talking so fast. (“WELL NO I”) What did you say?
L: It was mean so I said it fast.
Q: What did you say?
L: I don’t like to repeat it. I said, “Wouldn’t she be surprised if she found out that that wasn’t your name, Bell, at all.” (laughs)
Q: Stop cackling like a witch. (“WAIT”) Here, I want you — (“HERE WELL LOO[K]”) this is the letter I sent them and tell me what you think.
( . . . )
L: And I’ll never forget what Susan Clark said to me, “Ellen — ”
Q: Who’s that? Susan Clark?
L: At work.
Q: Oh.
L: She said, “Ellen, kiss.”
Q: Kiss?
L: And I thought what is that? You know, we were at a meeting and (“I SAID”) she said, “Don’t you know what that means? And everybody else was looking at her too. She was big and fat. (“ISH” “SHE” “IT SAID”) “Keep It Simple, Stupid.” (laughs) I thought that — I never forgot that. “Keep It Simple, Stupid.”
( . . . )
Q: I plan on stopping by that little paperback store. What’s it called again? (“WOODY” “BOOK RACK”) Book Rack? I’m hoping they’ll have ‘When Lovers Return to Lovers.’ (“OR”) ‘The Return of the Prodigal Son’ or something.
L: $5 bill?
Q: Something romantic. (“FIVE DOLLAR BILL”) What I worry about when I do your shopping is that I’m enabling you to live in less than wonderful circumstances.
L There’s five dollars for gas.
Q: Are you giving — oh, Ellen, I don’t want your money.
L: I want you — no, it’d make me feel better, honey.
Q: Ellen, please. Well, when are we going to go see the retirement (“HOME”) hotel? The beautiful retirement hotel? I want you to live in nice circumstances. (“I”)
L: I’m fine here.
Q: Call her up (case worker) and have the maid service come in. Will you promise to do that for me?
L: No, I won’t promise.
Q: Well why not? I want that to be done. I can really be a bitch sometimes and I’m being one now.
L: Well honey . . .
Q: Well, then, will you please do it? Call her.
L: I’ll think about it.
Q: Promise me you will.
L: I promised I’d think about it. (“NO”)
Q: Promise you’ll do it.
L: Now please let’s not start . . .
Q: I’m a giver not a taker.
L: I’m sorry . . .
Q: No, I know. I’m just saying — (“NO”) but I want — if you’re not going to see the beautiful retirement hotel that’s waiting for you —
L: I will, dear.
Q: — that Mighael channeled me to take you to.
L: I hope you’ll be there . . .
Q: Just like He channeled that Ensure.
L: Mark, (“IT’LL BE”) . . .
Q: I know but I want you to have a good life now.
L: You worry about your own life right now.
Q: I just want a housekeeper to come in and do the carpeting, fix the toilet —
L: The toilet — (“ALL”)
Q: — do the vacuuming.
L: Honey, all I have to do is call.
Q: Clean the windows.
L: No, I don’t care about the windows.
Q: I do. What are you thinking about? What?
L: Well I got to worry about you, your not working —
Q: Don’t worry about me. (“WELL”) Mighael will take care of me — (“HE’LL”) lead me to the opportunities.
L: Do you think you’ll ever live with Michael?
Q: If they ever threw him out on the street I probably would let him live with me. (“NO I’M TALKING ABOUT”)
L: I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about him. Would he ever let you live with him? (“NO”)
Q: Well he doesn’t have room for me. I know that.
L: James won’t be there forever.
Q: Well Michael’s now thinking of giving his house back to the bank and moving in with Steve.
L: Giving it back?
Q: Yeah. Because it just isn’t worth (“WHAT”) what he paid for it. (“WHAT”)
L: What — well no kidding. You told him that in the beginning.
Q: (noticing) Michael Levine on TV. (“AND”)
L: Michael and —
( . . . )
Q: You know I had lunch before I came. Now what were you saying? So — about men and women?
L: I mean I knew from a very young age that men and women —
Q: Are two different — it’s like they’re two different sexes. (“WELL THEY”)
L: No kidding. Of course they are. But they think, “Well, women should — ”
Q: Who’s they?
L: Everybody today. All the psychiatrists and all the psychologists.
Q: Well, first of all, I just wish people would do what’s in their heart instead of doing what people think society approves of. That’s how we got into this mess to begin with.
L: The most important thing —
Q: Look at that. On TV they’re, like, fucking right in front of everyone.
L: Do we really need this on television? (“DO”) Do they think —
Q: He doesn’t even have a good body.
L: Well, it’s not only that.
Q: And she’s anorexic.
L: Why do you think that lovemaking except at —
Q: It’s not sexy. It’s the context. (“I’M” “WELL”)
L: I mean frankly I don’t —
Q: “Entertainment Tonight.” I never — Mighael doesn’t usually let me watch TV but when I’m over here.
L: Well, I don’t watch — I very rarely watch —
Q: This is a Paramount show.
L: — “ET” anymore because it’s gotten so —
Q: Linda Bell Blue is the executive producer. (gasps) Another Bell.
( . . . )
Q: Paul Russell on what show?
L: No. Just his name.
Q: What show was this though? (“I CAN’T RE”) “Star Trek: The Next Generation”?
L: Usually I don’t — (“USUALLY”) no.
Q: Ellen, you’re getting good on synchronicity. Good for you.
L: Please. I mean Paul Russell is hardly a name that —
Q: Well you married him. That’ll do it.
L: No kidding. Well, of course, it will do it. And you’ve got — I mean I was not the kind . . .
Q: The theme was by Michael Mark. Oh that’s funny. They’re on a rollercoaster. Look at this. This is all rollercoaster footage.
L: I can remember when I met Paul. You know where he was living?
Q: Where?
L: He had a room — (“NO” “HE HAD”) he had a nice room.
Q: (reading from end credits) “UFO: The Untold Story.”
L: And he lived right down . . .
Q: I just want to hear about the child abuse.
L: There wasn’t any child abuse. You know there wasn’t.
Q: What about the third sibling? How about the third sibling?
L: I don’t know of any third sibling, honey. (“DON’T”) You’ll have to ask somebody else. I —
Q: I want at least one family secret revealed.
L: Well I’m sorry, Mark, you had a very ordinary —
Q: Except for the phenomena.
( . . . )
Q: (speaking into tape recorder) I’m driving home. The Book Rack is closed today but I brought some CDs to listen to. In fact, one of them just reminds me how different truth is from fiction and how glamorous the movies always make everything.
(TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: I RECORD SONG AND MUSIC EXCERPTS FROM THIS SOUNDTRACK ALBUM CD.)
NORA: A son was born again A genius unchained A life of wealth and fame wealth and fame
( . . . )
Our chief concern is money earning Why can’t someone set us free? Can’t you feel him?
( . . . )
TOMMY: You’ll feel me coming A new vibration From afar you’ll see me I’m a sensation
( . . . )
THE WHO: Outside the house Mr. Simpson announced That Sally couldn’t go to the meeting He went on cleaning his black Rolls Royce She ran inside weeping She got to her room and tears splashed the picture of the new Messiah She picked up a book of her father’s life And threw it on the fire
( . . . )
CONVERTS: Your freedom doesn’t reach us Enlightenment escapes us Awareness doesn’t shape us How can all this trivia Take us to the goal you reached?
( . . . )
TOMMY: Now you can’t hear me Your eyes are truly sealed You can’t speak either ‘Cos your mouth is filled
( . . . )
CONVERTS: We’re not gona take it Never did and never will
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